Is sex really that big of a deal?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Hobby stores . Ummm...I'm not really interested in shopping at a hobby store.

I thought you were coming to Minnesota for the holiday? I mean, I just thought it would be nice to meet someone from the same city. That's all. You have your moments on GC but for the most part you're o.k.

Seriously, if you don't want to we don't have to. I just thought we were talking about meeting each other there since we both go there a lot.

O.K. chow 4 now.

Well, I guess. (blank stare)

[KSig RC]

What on the Earth happened in this thread?

Also, any time this exact conversation comes up, there's always one interesting disconnect: the virgin is willing to recognize how rare their own virginity is (or how difficult it may be), but then wonders why s/he has trouble finding a mate to accept/understand . . .

It's going to be hard - most people like sex, that's kind of the point - so yeah, you're going to have to look harder or lower your standards. Remember, guys are kind of retarded, so I'm sure you can find a dorky engineer to pay for everything and let you stomp all over him until he becomes financially secure enough to afford a divorce - not every guy has the Cap'n Save-a-hoe mentality, but most do, so yeah. You're starting with two strikes.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

not every guy has the Cap'n Save-a-hoe mentality

+2 points for use of phrase "Cap'n Save-a-hoe"

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Cap'n Save-a-hoe mentality

Eventhough that is not a new word...did you just see I Think I Love My Wife because Chris Rock was called Captain-Save-a-Hoe.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

What on the Earth happened in this thread?

Also, any time this exact conversation comes up, there's always one interesting disconnect: the virgin is willing to recognize how rare their own virginity is (or how difficult it may be), but then wonders why s/he has trouble finding a mate to accept/understand . . .

It's going to be hard - most people like sex, that's kind of the point - so yeah, you're going to have to look harder or lower your standards. Remember, guys are kind of retarded, so I'm sure you can find a dorky engineer to pay for everything and let you stomp all over him until he becomes financially secure enough to afford a divorce - not every guy has the Cap'n Save-a-hoe mentality, but most do, so yeah. You're starting with two strikes.

Okay, first thing's first.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA at Captain Save a Hoe


Okay, I'm gonna be real, because I think I just let myself admit why this upsets me, so if I start to offend people or sound judgemental, let me know.

I look around me at the selection of women that my campus offers. Quality women, for the most part very nice. But looking at the ones who are in committed relationships or at least date a lot of handsome, well-mannered men, I can't help but compare to see what I'm doing wrong. There are sistahs out there who (and if this sounds judgmental I apologize, it's just observations) who look and act a hot mess on a consistent basis. Some look AND SMELL as though they aren't taking care of themselves. Some are mean and catty. Some spend more time in the boy dorms than their own and put their business in the street all the time. Many are extremely overweight AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING UNATTRACTIVE, they simply look completely and totally unhealthy. Some are perfectly likeable, beautiful, kind, warm-hearted, hard workers, etc. Then there's me--sweet but sassy, thick but shapely, nice but honest. I respect myself and others around me, do well in school (straight As) , make my own money, about to have a degree. I'm not fashion forward, but I at least BATHE REGULARLY, you can't smell me coming. I have a sarcastic sense of humor, lots of personality. I can have sort of a temper, a little attitude when you disrespect me or one of my friends--I'm mostly nice to everyone, but I'm no pushover. So I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody, THAT'S NOT TRUE, but from what I observe, the only thing that other women do that I don't is have sex. That's all that I can think of and I honestly don't see why it should be that big of a deal that if you aren't getting it, you would walk away from a woman who has so many positives. I don't need a man to complete me, I have a lot going for me on my own, but when you've been single since H.S. with hardly any prospects, you wonder what you're doing wrong. So I put it to GC to know if sex is just that great that you would reject a woman's mind, heart, and spirit just because you can't have her you-know-what.

[1908Revelations]

I am single and I can really identify with how you descibe yourself except I graduate in December and I don't have straight A's. I understand your frustration when you see these Hot-Mess girls in committed relationships....but what I had to tell myself is 'I don't know what she did to get him and I don't know what she is doing to keep him.' Not to say that those guys don't seen positives in those girls, but trust me I understand what you mean.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Okay, first thing's first.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA at Captain Save a Hoe


Okay, I'm gonna be real, because I think I just let myself admit why this upsets me, so if I start to offend people or sound judgemental, let me know.

I look around me at the selection of women that my campus offers. Quality women, for the most part very nice. But looking at the ones who are in committed relationships or at least date a lot of handsome, well-mannered men, I can't help but compare to see what I'm doing wrong. There are sistahs out there who (and if this sounds judgmental I apologize, it's just observations) who look and act a hot mess on a consistent basis. Some look AND SMELL as though they aren't taking care of themselves. Some are mean and catty. Some spend more time in the boy dorms than their own and put their business in the street all the time. Many are extremely overweight AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING UNATTRACTIVE, they simply look completely and totally unhealthy. Some are perfectly likeable, beautiful, kind, warm-hearted, hard workers, etc. Then there's me--sweet but sassy, thick but shapely, nice but honest. I respect myself and others around me, do well in school (straight As) , make my own money, about to have a degree. I'm not fashion forward, but I at least BATHE REGULARLY, you can't smell me coming. I have a sarcastic sense of humor, lots of personality. I can have sort of a temper, a little attitude when you disrespect me or one of my friends--I'm mostly nice to everyone, but I'm no pushover. So I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody, THAT'S NOT TRUE, but from what I observe, the only thing that other women do that I don't is have sex. That's all that I can think of and I honestly don't see why it should be that big of a deal that if you aren't getting it, you would walk away from a woman who has so many positives. I don't need a man to complete me, I have a lot going for me on my own, but when you've been single since H.S. with hardly any prospects, you wonder what you're doing wrong. So I put it to GC to know if sex is just that great that you would reject a woman's mind, heart, and spirit just because you can't have her you-know-what.

Sex is good for some, but I think it must not be very good for most guys, because they never hang around, and they only come back when they want some more. I'm not just speaking on my own experience. christiangirl the only thing that worries me about you is that since you've really never been in a long term serious intimate relationship, it's like gambling now. You could win and then you could lose. It's so hard finding a great guy now. Most of them are dogs. It seems like the only great guys out there are not very attractive. Both just doesn't exist anymore. My X was really nice looking but he was the biggest jerk I've ever met. Then I had this pest kind of a guy who was really nice but he was not attractive at all. I just don't want you to get married to the wrong guy, that's all. Men cheat married or single, and if there is any decent guys out there where are they?

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Men cheat married or single, and if there is any decent guys out there where are they?

Sorry, I have all of them.

[christiangirl]

'

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I'd argue that it's a strong want to a mild need. If you absolutely have to have it I think you're bordering addiction.

It just sounds to me like christiangirl needs a larger population to work from.

Agree and agree. I think I've been here too long. Once I get to grad school, I'll have a whole new city of men (hopefully more mature and focused) to pick through. However, my family is deathly afraid that taking me away from my HBCU environment and placing me at the PW school I'm going to raises the chances of me ending up with a white guy...whooooole new topic.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

christiangirl the only thing that worries me about you is that since you've really never been in a long term serious intimate relationship, it's like gambling now. You could win and then you could lose. It's so hard finding a great guy now. Most of them are dogs. It seems like the only great guys out there are not very attractive. Both just doesn't exist anymore. My X was really nice looking but he was the biggest jerk I've ever met. Then I had this pest kind of a guy who was really nice but he was not attractive at all. I just don't want you to get married to the wrong guy, that's all. Men cheat married or single, and if there is any decent guys out there where are they?

This is my dilemma, but at this point, I'd honestly take it. I'm not saying I want to be cheated on, but I can't comment on situations like that because I've never been cheated on. I've never had my heart broken, so I have no advice to pass on and can't even join in a conversation about it. I've never known huge sacrifice for a man or what it feels like to have someone sacrifice for me. I've only been in love once and it didn't even lead to a lasting relationship (he moved and we made a clean break). I've just...NEVER. At this point, I want to experience all aspects of a love life so that I can have SOMETHING. Some sort of knowledge, some sort of gain. Now, I'm not going to go out looking for men who are just trouble, but I'm not scared of running into them, because even these would be better than being locked in the dark, not getting to experience anything for myself.

[christiangirl]

"I'm not saying I don't like temptation....I'M JUST LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT TEMPTATION." ~MC Lyte



This thread is the reason I haven't stopped listening to this song ALL DAY.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Sorry, I have all of them.

LOL. C'mon valkyrie, can I at least have one of them. Pretty Pleeeeeease!

[jwright25]

Here are my observations on sexual behavior in the past 10 years at the University that I attended and where I work closely with college women. My observations are only at this school and with this Panhellenic system, just because that's who I know.

When I was active - mid-1990s - I'd say about 20% of my chapter at most were not sexually active. We weren't whores, and were not known for our sexual activity like another chapter was. No one was promiscuous - everyone was discreet enough about their sexual activity that while we knew it was going on, it just wasn't a regular topic of conversation. Does that make sense?

When I advised the same chapter - early 2000 to now - I'd say about 50% of the chapter are virgins. That might even be a low estimate, it could be higher. Their reputation on campus is that they are classy and diverse and always have great recruitment, return rates, etc. They are vocal about their virginity. And these are girls who date a lot and date different boys and have fun seeing lots of different boys without feeling like they have to be in a committed relationship. When having discussions with some of the girls about these decisions, the reasons for remaining a virgin run from spiritual reasons to health reasons to intimacy reasons.

Another observation from my years to theirs is that the girls now are make-out bandits. They'll kiss boys like it was nothing - even some of the virgins. We had a few bandits, but nothing on the scale that it is today. The boys are the same way. Making out at a party (read: heavy kissing with no nudity) is just part of the party now. Neither person expects sex from it, and neither person expects a date that weekend.

I am the least judgmental person out there, so therefore the girls (and many guys in the fraternity my husband advises) spill everything to me. I don't think anyone is wrong, and I never express an opinion to them unless asked. I love to hear what motivates college students in many different aspects of their lives.

The boys who date the virgins are very respectful of the girls' wishes. Have some of the girls given in? After time, yes. Does that make them a bad person or a sellout? NO. They held out for a reason and they gave in for a reason. That's their choice to make.

If you advertise your virginity, you have to expect that sexually active men will not want to pursue you. You aren't wrong for being a virgin and they aren't wrong for wanting sex.

Regardless of what statistics are put out there by special interest groups, I have to believe that the vast majority of adults over the age of 18 are sexually active. Out of the single men that I know (these are college-aged men) I'm going to estimate that only 10% of them are celibate. This is based on conversations with them and with the girls who know them. Let's adjust that a bit for other factors and assume that 25% of single men are not sexually active. Of those 25%, I'd say half did not make that choice - meaning they'd have sex if someone would agree. So that leaves you with 12% of the population of men who don't have sex by choice, or would be willing to be in a sexless relationship.

That's an awfully small amount of men to choose from. So your other standards will have to be lowered. If you want the virgin, you might have to take the not-so-attractive, or the unambitious, or the lazy, etc. OR you can just wait around and hope that Prince Charming will come along. But you can't complain while waiting. The girls who choose not to have sex are (most of them) not in a committed relationship. They are going on lots of dates and not worrying about it. If it gets to "that time" in the relationship where sex is imminent, they break the news. If the boy runs, that's fine. She's not that attached. If he's fine with it, they give the relationship a go.

If you don't want people to judge you for not having sex, you can't judge them for choosing to have sex.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Well, I guess. (blank stare)

LOL. You're too funny. O.K. Let me know what you wanna do.