Dating advice

valkyrie · #1 03-10-2007, 03:51 PM

Tell him you're not interested, period. Don't take his calls. Tell your sorority sisters it's not funny to let him in the house when you don't want to see him. Cut that shit off now or it's not going to stop -- and what's worse, feeling bad about hurting his feelings or dealing with him following you around for who knows how long? Until you tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not interested, he's going to keep trying.

Also, in the future, if a guy is too much of a pussy to ask you for your number, don't tell anybody it's okay to give it to him.

AKA_Monet · #2 03-11-2007, 01:05 AM

Cheerful,

Sweetheart, if you like the guy generally as a friend, you can tell him that.

Otherwise do whatever you wish.

But it seems like you had a decent conversation on the phone.

I dated a guy like this and I told him straight up why I was repelled by him. Can you believe he lost weight just because I said he was obese!

Also, the next time I saw him, he was very handsome and very thin. Too bad I screwed that relationship up, he was a millionare...

cheerfulgreek · #3 03-11-2007, 01:46 AM

Thanks for the advice everyone. Actually I couldn't wait to get on here to tell you guys what happend. Well, he came by again, about 3 hours ago. He just left

. We studied, and that's all. He tried to hug me again, and that's when I told him I wanted to talk to him. I told him I like him as a friend only. I told him I don't see him for anything more. I felt bad at 1st because I knew he was disappointed. He said well, since we're friends can I still study with you? I didn't know what to say at that point. I really wanted to tell him no, but I thought that would be so wrong. I don't throw away friends, so I told him I didn't have a problem with us studying together, but I'd rather study in the library, but not here.

About 10 minutes into studying he asked me what I didn't like about him. I looked around trying to think of how to tell him without hurting his feelings. At 1st I told him he wasn't my type. I was really trying to avoid the question. He's really aggressive. He asked why he wasn't my type. I told him I wasn't physically attracted to him. He asked me if he was greek would I like him better. I was like what?

. I said that physically he's not my type, that's all. He sounded o.k. by that at 1st but then things started to change. He asked me about my X. He asked me is he in a fraternity. I told him yes, but that's not why I was with him. He asked me why I broke up with him. I told him because he was a jerk. He said, that he's not a jerk so isn't inner beauty more important. I told him I know you're not a jerk but I want both, and I'm not into big muscular guys.

We took a break and I told him I was going to get something to eat. I offered him something, and he said no thanks. O.K. I went downstairs to the fridge and he followed me to the kitchen. I thought that was so bizarre

. He started telling me he loved my eyes and whoever ends up with me will be so lucky. Stuff like that. Well, at that point I told him I was tired and I was going to bed. That was about 30 minutes ago. Well I'm still up

. I had to lie to get him to leave. I walked him to the door, and then he says "I'll call you tomorrow."

Ya know he just doesn't get it. I DON'T LIKE HIM LIKE THAT! He won't give up! This is so aggravating! He's called me everyday since we met. I love talking to him, he's so sweet, but I'm going to have to tell him this whole friendship thing is not what I planned. I wake up every morning now, thinking of how to avoid him. I'll keep you guys posted. Thank you. You guys are great!

PrettyBoy · #4 03-11-2007, 03:27 AM

Since you're from the "crib", I'll go ahead and give my 2 cents.

This sounds like a serious problem to me. I really don't think the male female friendship thing works at all. Someone is always attracted to the other person. If you end up with someone else, I'll betcha he'll get jealous. I know you were being nice to the guy, but you put yourself in a bad position by studying with him and talking to him on the phone. Even if he is a nice guy, if you're not attracted to him, and you know he's attracted to you, all that's going to do is cause more problems. Trust me, this joker isn't done with you. He's not going to give up. You said he's aggressive too. See, he probably thinks you're easy going and very nice, so therefore he's thinking "Oh she'll eventually give in once she sees that good guys are hard to find." Once you meet "prince charming" that dude is going to get jealous and try to mess things up for you. I hope none of this happens, but I think it will. I mean I hope you find "prince charming" but I hope your "friend" doens't mess you up. It's up to you, but it's just a little advice.

I hope this helps.

cheerfulgreek · #5 03-11-2007, 03:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Since you're from the "crib", I'll go ahead and give my 2 cents.

This sounds like a serious problem to me. I really don't think the male female friendship thing works at all. Someone is always attracted to the other person. If you end up with someone else, I'll betcha he'll get jealous. I know you were being nice to the guy, but you put yourself in a bad position by studying with him and talking to him on the phone. Even if he is a nice guy, if you're not attracted to him, and you know he's attracted to you, all that's going to do is cause more problems. Trust me, this joker isn't done with you. He's not going to give up. You said he's aggressive too. See, he probably thinks you're easy going and very nice, so therefore he's thinking "Oh she'll eventually give in once she sees that good guys are hard to find." Once you meet "prince charming" that dude is going to get jealous and try to mess things up for you. I hope none of this happens, but I think it will. I mean I hope you find "prince charming" but I hope your "friend" doens't mess you up. It's up to you, but it's just a little advice.

I hope this helps.

I don't understand how I put myself in a bad situation. I was just being nice, because he's a sweet person. I don't think he would be the jealous type. You sound like you've been in a similar situation. Have you? Why don't you think men and women can be friends?

PrettyBoy · #6 03-11-2007, 04:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I don't understand how I put myself in a bad situation. I was just being nice, because he's a sweet person. I don't think he would be the jealous type. You sound like you've been in a similar situation. Have you? Why don't you think men and women can be friends?

CG, here's the deal. You are in a bad situation. Here's why. O.K. this guy is physically attracted to you and based on your post he has been for quite some time without you even knowing it. This guy is just happy being around you. He figures that if he can't have you as his girl then he will settle for friendship as long as he is around you. At the same time, he's not going to want any other men around you either. I could be wrong and maybe he isn't the jealous type, but he came to your sorority house too? This joker is very aggressive. Now, lets say he shows up one day and you have a guy over you really like a lot. Uh oh. What do you think the outcome of that will be? Not good.

I've never been in a situation like yours because as soon as I get the feeling women start showing interest, I end the friendship, of course unless I like her . If they don't show interest then that's cool . I have never been able to have a woman as just a friend. They've always wanted more and that's why I don't think women and men can be friends. I'm sure there are some rare cases, but it has never happend for me.

As for you, this doesn't look good. You really need to tell your sorority sisters to stop messin' with this one. I'm going to bed. Good luck homie.

cheerfulgreek · #7 03-11-2007, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

CG, here's the deal. You are in a bad situation. Here's why. O.K. this guy is physically attracted to you and based on your post he has been for quite some time without you even knowing it. This guy is just happy being around you. He figures that if he can't have you as his girl then he will settle for friendship as long as he is around you. At the same time, he's not going to want any other men around you either. I could be wrong and maybe he isn't the jealous type, but he came to your sorority house too? This joker is very aggressive. Now, lets say he shows up one day and you have a guy over you really like a lot. Uh oh. What do you think the outcome of that will be? Not good.

I've never been in a situation like yours because as soon as I get the feeling women start showing interest, I end the friendship, of course unless I like her . If they don't show interest then that's cool . I have never been able to have a woman as just a friend. They've always wanted more and that's why I don't think women and men can be friends. I'm sure there are some rare cases, but it has never happend for me.

As for you, this doesn't look good. You really need to tell your sorority sisters to stop messin' with this one. I'm going to bed. Good luck homie.

You've never had a female friend without them thinking you're cute? Oh, please. If this is true, then you must be really, really cute.

Just because they think you're cute, doesn't mean they want to jump your bones.

I hope you're wrong about all of this. Great advice but I really do hope you're wrong. I guess I'm a little worried now, because you're starting to make some sense out of all of this.

You're going to bed?! Awwww man.

Just when the conversation was getting good.

O.K. thank you PrettyBoy.

AKA_Monet · #8 03-11-2007, 03:27 AM

thought this site is pretty good:

Iyanla Vanzant

BlessedOne04 · #9 03-12-2007, 12:05 AM

While I don't agree that men and women can't be friends, I will say that once someone likes you as more than a friend then there is no going back. This person sounds as if his feelings for you are mixed up with his wanting to be greek, i.e. "if I was greek then she would want me". I think you need to just be firm with him and tell him that its not a good idea to talk to him anymore and then don't answer. Cut him off completely and let your sisters know what you are doing in hopes that they will support your decision.

Let me also say that your sisters were kind of wrong for letting some random strange guy in your house after you told them that you didn't want him there. You need to check them as well!!!

You can be nice but in this case nice is going to lead to harassment down the road and for your safety I don't want this situation to get out of hand! Best of Luck CG!

CutiePie2000 · #10 03-11-2007, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Tell him you're not interested, period. Don't take his calls. Tell your sorority sisters it's not funny to let him in the house when you don't want to see him. Cut that shit off now or it's not going to stop -- and what's worse, feeling bad about hurting his feelings or dealing with him following you around for who knows how long? Until you tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not interested, he's going to keep trying.

Also, in the future, if a guy is too much of a pussy to ask you for your number, don't tell anybody it's okay to give it to him.

I backup what valkyrie says.
Do not tell him, "I just want to be friends", because from what I am reading, I don't think you want to be friends with him at all. It sounds like you want him out of your life entirely. You need to be strong and firm (but not rude), and tell him that you are not interested. If you do not try to put a stop to this now, it could (potentially) lead to much worse, stalker problems later (and if you don't think you can do this on your own, please do seek out help from others who have expertise in this area).

If you aren't sure as to how to be assertive (without being aggressive), seek out the counselling services on campus. I'm sure that this is a situation that the counselling service is well familiar with, and they should be able to coach you on things to say to him; things that are firm and direct, but are not aggressive and will not "insult" him.

You also need to get your sorority sisters to stop allowing him into the house. If you cannot get your sisters to comply with your wishes (and out of respect for you, they should because he is making you uncomfortable) then you will need to enlist the help of the House Mother (if there is one) or Campus Security. Your house is meant to be a place of safety and sanctity. Your sisters might think that this is "funny" to
a) get a laugh at his expense and
b) get a laugh over your discomfort
but it is not a funny situation whatsoever. It makes you creeped out and uncomfortable.
If any other developments happen, please tell us. Good luck and God Bless.

ΑΓΔSquirrel10 · #11 03-12-2007, 12:13 AM

Cheerful, I was reading your story and it sent chills up my spine because I've been in the same situation before. Someone I knew and trusted gave this guy my number without asking me, and we talked a lot and I thought that he knew we were just "friends." This guy flipped out when I started dating someone else, and ended up causing me some trouble towards the end of my junior year in high school.

Just remember to be careful, because you never know what he will do.

James · #12 03-12-2007, 12:33 AM

Ok guys.

Before we take him out back and shoot him lol. Lets reflect that he hasn't done anything wrong yet.

And lets try not to project too much of our own baggage on to this . . and scare the hell out of cheerfulgreek

Keep in mind that they spoke for hours on the phone . . daily for a while. A comment of "I love talking to him, he is so sweet" is not indicative that he is insane and and shortly going to burry her under his dorm room.

So it sounds like he was infatuated with her before, spent hours talking to her, and thought the time they spent together meant she liked him.

He may need a little while to unwind from that.

Quote:

Cheerfulgreek: This is so aggravating! He's called me everyday since we met. I love talking to him, he's so sweet, but I'm going to have to tell him this whole friendship thing is not what I planned. I wake up every morning now, thinking of how to avoid him. I'll keep you guys posted. Thank you. You guys are great!

CutiePie2000 · #13 03-12-2007, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James

Ok guys.

Before we take him out back and shoot him lol. Lets reflect that he hasn't done anything wrong yet.

Well, he isn't completely faultless..... he is hugging her (or trying to.....) and she doesn't want him to. In a word, eww.

James · #14 03-12-2007, 01:39 AM

True. She just needs to set some boundaries. Or perhaps even completely nix him. Nixing him sounding better and better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

Well, he isn't completely faultless..... he is hugging her (or trying to.....) and she doesn't want him to. In a word, eww.

CutiePie2000 · #15 03-12-2007, 02:27 AM

Agreed. And also, setting boundaries and being assertive is a learned skill, and I think the counselling services on campus, etc. would be a valuable tool for that.