dropping membership

[LOVEinZTA]

So I know this is an old thred but we actually discussed this in a meeting about a week ago. About 2 years ago, it apparently became a 'trend' of sorts for girl late in the sophomore or in their junior years to drop (there were around 7 or 8 girls one right after the other) - they figured "hey I've made friends with all of these girls and all of the mixers have helped me meet everyone I need, so why should I continue and pay $1300 in dues each semester?" They simply stopped coming to meetings, stopped paying dues, stopped answering phone calls from the treasurer, etc. They've kept all of their friends AND all of the paraphenalia. You can see on their online profiles it says "I used to be a member" and "Miss you girls!" as if they don't still speak, which is not the case. We decided at this meeting, to enforce the long-standing policy and we plan on getting ahold of the girls and taking back any pins, letters, and other special items. These girls essentially went through the pledging and initiation process, took a little their soph. year, made friends, and then figured they were done and didn't follow through. We also have girls who transfer in, go through the affiliation process, are voted in, and then don't pay dues or some to meetings. Both still wear t-shirts and have 'hints' of the chapter around (see online profiles and t-shirt comments) even though they are no longer members. It is not fair for the girls who have true dedication and passion to have girls doing this sort of thing, and personally it just drives me up a wall.

If someone has a LEGITIMATE reason for leaving, that is a different story.

And on the pin topic, you essentially RENT the pin. You pay rent for you apartment, and when you stop, you no longer get to live there. Same concept - you drop, the pin isn't yours anymore.

/rant

[AGDLynn]

The way people love to post, I'm surprised that at least 1 member didn't post on the "non-member's" page something about.."gee...I can't remembr seeing you at our chapter meeting or event...or "you need one of those "I only went to the XX to get this shirt".

Originally Posted by lilsunshine214

What I don't get is when a member disaffiliates and still leaves Facebook/MySpace messages like, "Miss you, Big!" like they're studying abroad or something. You quit, she's not your Big anymore. You guys are still friends, that's great. Once again, she's NOT your Big anymore. That was one of the priveledges you gave up when you signed on the dotted line and gave up all of your stuff.

I have to disagree.

I had a sister-daughter who depledged. Years later, she still calls me mom because even though she no longer wanted to be a part of the sorority, I still took her under my wing and continued that friendship. She chose to quit for her own reasons, but there's no reason for me to tell her "you CANNOT call me mom anymore because you chose to quit."

If the disaffiliated member still calls em "Big"...just let em. They are friends, after all. It might be the best and only thing she'll take away from her sorority experience.

Originally Posted by lilsunshine214

I understand the close relationship. I've seen some girls take it pretty far like saying things like, "Can't wait to meet the new additions to the family!" Once again, I do understand that the particular relationship you have with your Big is special, but you start crossing lines when you say things like that. You confuse people, especially when you're going around telling everyone else, "I quit because all of the girls I liked quit or graduated." If you didn't like the people in the group, why are you still talking to them like you're a member?! Maybe it's just me but if I don't like you, I don't talk to you. It's that simple.

Why all the unnecessary drama?

I could give two shits about what others may think or if they get confused.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by lilsunshine214

I understand the close relationship. I've seen some girls take it pretty far like saying things like, "Can't wait to meet the new additions to the family!" Once again, I do understand that the particular relationship you have with your Big is special, but you start crossing lines when you say things like that. You confuse people, especially when you're going around telling everyone else, "I quit because all of the girls I liked quit or graduated." If you didn't like the people in the group, why are you still talking to them like you're a member?! Maybe it's just me but if I don't like you, I don't talk to you. It's that simple.

If someone has to drop because of money or something beyond their control, then I can see why they would want to hold on to the group and keep up the relationships they had in it. I'd have felt bad back in college if one of my sisters had to quit, but I would have felt worse if she acted like we weren't friends anymore because she had to quit.

But if someone quit because she said the group was lame or she wasn't into it, then I agree that she should also recognize that she has to give up the benefits of the group and that she can't try to have it both ways. It's like she's saying "you all aren't fun and important enough to make a priority, but look at me, I'm still one of you." Uh, no. You could have been, but you chose not to be.

It just depends on why they dropped in my opinion.

And if you got kicked out, then in no way should you be pretending to be a member of the group.

[Sock Puppet2]

Originally Posted by lilsunshine214

What I don't get is when a member disaffiliates and still leaves Facebook/MySpace messages like, "Miss you, Big!" like they're studying abroad or something. You quit, she's not your Big anymore. You guys are still friends, that's great. Once again, she's NOT your Big anymore. That was one of the priveledges you gave up when you signed on the dotted line and gave up all of your stuff.

I agree. A person who disaffiliates with their org and continues in the vein that you describe is definitely a "perp".