Quote:
Originally Posted by CUBuffsFan19
thank you very much EE-BO for all the helpful information. Just to clarify there was absolutely no hazing (unless you count unforced underage drinking, which I wouldnt) they are a good group of guys, its just after spending some time with them I just realized I honestly dont have the time or commitment that they are looking for. I also thought that this would be a good time for me to seriously think about whether I want to commit myself, since we havent gotten big bros yet or even done our Pledge Ceremony, this way I dont waste any of their time, and vice-versa (plus i havent spent any money, except the money I had to spend to register for Rush).
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Hey man,
Glad to help. Since you have now clarified the only issue is one of time commitment, let me pose one question to you since it appears from this post that it is the time commitment that has you worried.
Has the chapter given you a tenative schedule for the semester letting you know when you need to be around- or have you at least been given that long list of things you have to do?
I ask because many guys get filled with all this information at once and it seems overwhelming. Fraternities are the best way to develop leadership skills while in college, but keep in mind that active members are just starting to learn these skills and sometimes it is difficult to achieve the balance of impressing on pledges the time commitment required and yet not go so far as to chase away good guys.
In my experience- in dealing with my chapter and in observations of others- the greatest loss of pledges happens in the first 2 weeks. You sometimes lose one or two at the end as well. But most of the time people quit up front.
And I think very often good guys give up so quickly because they are away from home for the first time- already overwhelmed with being on their own in college- and now here is a whole bunch more to do.
I am not disagreeing with your decision- just offering a more specific line of thought now that you have said more about why you are thinking of leaving.
If you really like these guys and this chapter, if financial or parental issues are not a problem and if all that is really bothering you is the time commitment- I would suggest giving it 3-4 weeks to see what you think.
I say that because I have very rarely seen someone depledge as a result of having to devote too much time to a fraternity they like.
I have seen guys depledge because it turns out they did not like the house they had chosen- and so every second spent over there was time wasted- but not in a situation where the pledge was looking forward to being part of the chapter.
Final advice if I may- your life is going to change dramatically in the next four years. Much of what matters to you now will change a lot before you graduate.
But one thing that will never change is regret for not having accepted a challenge.
If your sole worry is the time commitment issue and you are otherwise excited about this, please give it a try for a few weeks. We were all overwhelmed at that first meeting where our duties were laid out before us, but we did it.
And if you depledge down the road for good reasons and leave like man (meaning not just disappearing), no one will hold it against you.
Pledgeship takes a lot of work, but a good pledge program is just as much work for the actives running it as it is for the pledges. You have a lot to prove to the chapter, but they have a lot to prove to you as well.
Wanting to leave now before they give you a big bro and all is a noble thought- but only if you really feel you have given it a chance and found it was not truly working.
Anyhow- hope this helps. Good luck to you either way.
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