Sorority Shopping?

[James]

The thread has gone off topic a bit into resume building.

Getting back to the central point: Thank you to those that took a stab at the topic matter.

Ok. I understand the argument that you should feel people should have a connection to the organization they wish to pursue.

However, wasn't that meant to be a tangible connection?

Deciding that you wish you had joined a sorority in college, reading some web sites, and then feeling a connection because of the web site's information . . . well it doesn't seem like quite the same thing as having some direct affiliation.

Looking at it through the perspective that causes all the commotion about AI, the less I see the purpose of this whole forum.

This forum basically only exists to provide people with no tangible connection to any organization a way of learning how to cold contact one
and apply for membership. Because if you have a tangible connection you don't need this site.

It exists to help people shop for a sorority.

So if you don't agree with sorority shopping you probably don't se the purpose of this forum right?

Interestingly enough, the move to the recruitment topic reinforces the idea that sorority shopping is the way to go.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by James

This forum basically only exists to provide people with no tangible connection to any organization a way of learning how to cold contact one
and apply for membership. Because if you have a tangible connection you don't need this site.

It exists to help people shop for a sorority.

So if you don't agree with sorority shopping you probably don't se the purpose of this forum right?

Even people with no tangible connection to any organization can pursue alumnae initiation WITHOUT any "help" from this site.

I agree that this forum provides help for those wishing to "shop" for a sorority -- although I'd be more specific and say that this forum might provide help for people who are shopping for a sorority and are too lazy or clueless to go about it in what my opinion is the "right" way to do so -- by contacting and getting to know people in real life. (Sidenote: I'm not talking directly about anyone here -- this is just my opinion in general.) If you lack the skills and qualities needed to make contact with an organization without the "assistance" of a message board or people you "meet" on a message board, I would question whether you have the skills and qualities that would make you an effective addition to an organization's membership.

The good thing about this forum is that it lets us "get to know" people some of us might not consider appropriate candidates.

Originally Posted by valkyrie

The good thing about this forum is that it lets us "get to know" people some of us might not consider appropriate candidates.

I agree with this.

I think I could have gone the rest of my life without having to see some of the stuff I've seen recently.

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

AI is an honor given to a few whom the sorority believes will add prestige, honor and/or service to the sorority. Once initated, AI's are sisters. Sure their experiences are a bit different from someone who had 4 years as a college member. That doesn't mean they won't make great advisers or alumnae officers once they get up to speed on sorority policies and activities-- heck, many of the alumnae advisers and officers I have worked with over the years have had to completely re-learn their sorority ABC's because they were not actively involved in undergrad or its been years since they have been involved and things have changed.

Well said.

I just happened to look at this forum a couple of times, and now that James has asked the question I have to respond.

Fraternities do have various forms of honors and memberships granted to individuals (in some cases male or female) who have devoted their time and care to the fraternity. House mothers for example- even though few fraternity houses have a live-in house mother any more.

But it is never advertised anywhere. It is one of those things that comes to you when the time is appropriate and because brothers initiated in the traditional manner are so moved by your service as to wish to accord you the highest honor that the organization could possibly bestow.

I have read this forum more out of curiosity than anything else since I have never seen AI discussed openly before, and since I have a tendency to be blunt- let me please say what I am sure many are thinking,

Sorority shopping for AI initiation does happen on this forum, and it is amusing at best- insulting at worst.

I firmly believe that AI is something that should come to the prospective initiate in most cases. Otherwise, I think a prospective initiate should be approaching a particular chapter because of a deep personal connection (open to a variety of definitions) that leads one to wish to offer service to the chapter. Perhaps your daughter is a member, or friends of yours were in college- and the chapter now needs an advisor or dedicated volunteer. Or maybe you are a faculty member and would like to help advise a sorority (or fraternity) from a scholastic standpoint. All Greek organizations could benefit from a closer connection with school faculty.

Stray from that, and you are sorority shopping.

And by assuming that you can shop around to 2 or more sororities and get initiated, you assume two conflicting things,

1. That you can gain personally by an association with the sorority.
2. That the sorority is so casual about its sisterhood that they would admit a post-collegiate stranger as an AI.

Motives may vary from person to person, but consider how this looks. Anyone considering the application of a sorority shopper who has no past connection to the sorority is naturally going to assume you want the letters for your own purposes first and foremost.

And frankly some of you should be more careful with what you write here. As others have noted, mixed in with an expressed desire to AI are disaparaging comments about active sisters, sororities in general and statements that clearly indicate your AI quest is about YOU first and foremost- not about being part of a sisterhood.

For my part I can tell you, as the proud member of an old Texas family, that we all know each other. Going the AI route to boost your personal prestige or social standing is not going to work. In fact it will have the opposite effect.

And if your goal is to finally be in a sorority as an AI with chapter advisory duties- but then try to change your chapter to suit the vision of sorority life you think should have been when you did not pledge as an undergrad, best of luck surviving that too. You will need it.

Ideally- either AI comes to you or you volunteer with pure motives to a single chapter of a single sorority.

This forum is a great place to get advice on that.

But for the sorority shoppers, the negative reaction you get here pales in comparison to the face-to-face encounters you will endure if you insist on pursuing AI in this manner.

[Scandia]

What if your closest exposure to a specific sorority (say, a friend or co-worker of yours) is a GLO that does not really match your personality or ideals. That you cannot see yourself being a member of, even though it is a great match for the person you know. However, you decide to investigate more about sororities (without necessarily having AI in mind)- and come across one that is a fantastic match for you, but was not at the university you attended. And it does engage in AI without major restrictions. Your friend says good things about it, even though she ended up joining a different one. She talks to you about AI, and now you would love to belong to that new organization. Wouldn't this be a valid reason to approach AI?

[greekalum]

Did you interact with any members of this organization, or are you just acting on the insight of your non-member friend, would be my first question.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by Scandia

What if your closest exposure to a specific sorority (say, a friend or co-worker of yours) is a GLO that does not really match your personality or ideals. That you cannot see yourself being a member of, even though it is a great match for the person you know. However, you decide to investigate more about sororities (without necessarily having AI in mind)- and come across one that is a fantastic match for you, but was not at the university you attended. And it does engage in AI without major restrictions. Your friend says good things about it, even though she ended up joining a different one. She talks to you about AI, and now you would love to belong to that new organization. Wouldn't this be a valid reason to approach AI?

Scandia, I think some people here are uncomfortable with the idea (and I'm getting to that point myself) of someone approaching a sorority without any sort of connections -- and by that I mean having a very close friend or relative bring up the idea of AI to you. I'm all about AI for women that have done a lot for either an individual chapter or the philanthropy at large, like being a staff advisor. Ditto for mothers or sisters of members who have been very involved with the sorority. In your case, an argument could be made that you don't have strong enough connections to this organization to merit an AI attempt. Some people would say that it would be fine to attempt to AI with this group.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you contact multiple sororities??? I'm not trying to be contentious, you just made it sound in this post like you found ONE sorority that you thought would be a perfect fit, but I thought you had contacted a few to begin with.

To answer your question, it's a free country and you can approach AI with whatever GLO will accept your request. I wouldn't rely on what a nonmember friend says about an organization, honestly, a nonmember's opinion of a GLO really means squat. And to sum it up, you're free to do whatever you want but just know that some people on GC will be supportive of your AI search and some won't.

Edited for clarity, which has apparently eluded me these past few weeks, LOL

[DGMarie]

There is always this confusion between the ideal and aspirations of the national organization and the local alumnae chapter.

I see women over and over again aspiring to be a member of XYZ group before she has met one single person from the local chapter.

• It is the local chapter that will sponsor you.
• It is the local chapter that will question why you want to join them.
• It is the local chapter that will either say gee you're swell or you don't fit us at all.

Had I not clicked with the local chapter and had a strong prior association with DG I would not have been offered the chance to be initiated. If I had not clicked with them, I wouldn't have decided to try Alpha Phi, or ZETA or Pi Phi, for example. All wonderful organization in their own right, but I had no *connection* with them.

[Scandia]

Alpha Chi Emily- Though I have spoken to people from a 5 sororities that seemed appealing, I have only directly contacted the headquarters of the two that were the best matches for me. Until I meet with them in person, I cannot say if one is a perfect fit- but those two seem to be the ones where I would fit in best.

Greekalum- I am not quite sure what you mean. My example is not exactly what happened to me, but not totally hypothetical either. There were members of my A Phi O pledge class who were in sororities- and I still talk to some through MySpace. However, neither one of those are as good a match as the ones I contacted directly. Great organizations, but they are better suited for those specific friends than for myself.

DGMarie- I have not met with any local chapters yet. That will be a big part- whether I click with them or not. After all, it will show in practice what someone who follows those ideals is.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by Scandia

What if your closest exposure to a specific sorority (say, a friend or co-worker of yours) is a GLO that does not really match your personality or ideals. That you cannot see yourself being a member of, even though it is a great match for the person you know. However, you decide to investigate more about sororities (without necessarily having AI in mind)- and come across one that is a fantastic match for you, but was not at the university you attended. And it does engage in AI without major restrictions. Your friend says good things about it, even though she ended up joining a different one. She talks to you about AI, and now you would love to belong to that new organization. Wouldn't this be a valid reason to approach AI?

How do you know the GLO doesn't match your personality or ideals? Are the members of the local alumnae association satan-worshippers who kick puppies? In anyone's "search" for a sorority, throw the national names and symbols out of the mix. The local alumnae association and its composition of members are all that matters. These are the women you'll be interacting with-- and your interactions will largely be composed of planning meetings and the occasional happy hour or charity event/fundraiser. Who cares if that charity supports promotion of visions, children's literacy or domestic violence? Given a regular calendar year, an alumnae association will hold a big event to sponsor its philanthropy and maybe some smaller service events toward this cause, but they will also hold other events for other philanthropies, too. Ritual is something you will be lucky to participate in annually, if at all. Alumnae associations are run like service clubs-- and there are not regular mandatory meetings, so attendance is sporadic at best.

How do you determine that a sorority seems appealing? The people who are actually living, breathing members of the local group are the sorority. If you don't know any of them, you can't begin to profess "interest."

[AUDeltaGam]

I definitely agree with what many of you are saying. AI SHOULD be for women who have a prior connection to a sorority, not a woman who wakes up and says "Gee, I think I'll join a sorority today!" (a cookie to whoever gets the movie reference )

[DGMarie]

Originally Posted by Scandia

DGMarie- I have not met with any local chapters yet. That will be a big part- whether I click with them or not. After all, it will show in practice what someone who follows those ideals is.

I'm not sure what you mean by "follow those ideals." How will you know? On what basis will you make your decision? Try to remember these are real grown up people, not ideals, certainly not walking manifestations of the national motto or creed. Nor will these likely EVER be seriously discussed at an alumnae function. We drink coffee, have taco salad, stuff endless (endless) newsletters and have little monthly social gatherings, chat about our children etc.

How will you answer their questions if they ask you point blank why you want to be an XYZ when there are so many other women's organizations you could join? (sorry if you've answered this because I haven't read all your posts.)

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by Scandia

What if your closest exposure to a specific sorority (say, a friend or co-worker of yours) is a GLO that does not really match your personality or ideals. That you cannot see yourself being a member of, even though it is a great match for the person you know. However, you decide to investigate more about sororities (without necessarily having AI in mind)- and come across one that is a fantastic match for you, but was not at the university you attended. And it does engage in AI without major restrictions. Your friend says good things about it, even though she ended up joining a different one. She talks to you about AI, and now you would love to belong to that new organization. Wouldn't this be a valid reason to approach AI?

Hi Scandia,

As to your personal quest, or that of any other person, I have no intentions of rendering any individual judgments. This is the internet and we are strangers. For me to judge your AI path would be for me to make assumptions about your intentions that are not my business to make.

All I was trying to do is offer a more general perspective on how AI can be perceived from the inside of the Greek Community- and especially with the way I see it being discussed on this forum at times. All I can comment on is what I have read here- I am reluctant to comment on individual pursuits.

At the end of the day, if you- or anyone else- finds a GLO chapter that wishes to initiate you as an alumnus, then clearly both you and that chapter have found a brotherly or sisterly bond that connects you. And just as I would never tolerate anyone questioning who my brothers are and how they came to be my brothers, I would never question a person's affiliation with a chapter or how that came to be.

AI is after all a specific term that describes a path to initiation. Once initiation is complete, you are a full member and that is all there is to it as far as I am concerned.

Universities and chapters vary, as do members of GLOs and those who become members- either through rush, AI or any other form of association provided for under a given GLO's bylaws.

So I am not going to be the one to look at an individual case and say "good" or "bad". I like being a human being- I will leave "playing God" for God himself since I have enough to worry about

All I wanted to do with my post was let people know how certain approaches might appear, and also hopefully stimulate people to think more closely about their own reasons for wanting to initiate into a Greek organization.

Make no mistake- Greek organizations NEED adult members to guide them and be there. Most of the women I dated in college were Greek, and every single one of them had great things to say about their house mothers. I met a lot of them too in visits to the sorority houses, and I think they were a great presence. Many of them are AIs naturally.

There is much good that AIs can do for a chapter that will bring back great personal rewards for the gift of service to others, and I don't want anything I have said to hinder anyone from pursuing this.

All that I ask is that people seeking this path give it serious thought- especially if you want to post about it here and receive guidance. There are many eyes on this forum- as is to be expected with any heavily trafficked internet forum these days- and your evaluation process may well start from the first time you post.

[DGMarie]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

How do you know the GLO doesn't match your personality or ideals? Are the members of the local alumnae association satan-worshippers who kick puppies? In anyone's "search" for a sorority, throw the national names and symbols out of the mix. The local alumnae association and its composition of members are all that matters. These are the women you'll be interacting with-- and your interactions will largely be composed of planning meetings and the occasional happy hour or charity event/fundraiser.

This is so true. I think if you have had no experience with any alumnae organization you get stars in your eyes about what goes on. We aren't singing and lighting candles and wearing letters to meetings.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

How do you know the GLO doesn't match your personality or ideals?

For reals. I can think of ONE sorority that I probably wouldn't consider based on my ideals, and that is taking into account the fact that I'm odd. There's no such thing as a sorority, as a general concept, being a match or non-match for any person. There's no such thing as being a "good fit" for any sorority in the abstract. You're only a good fit if, as everybody is saying, you like the local members, they like you, and you have something worthwhile to offer.