Dating someone with a mental illness

adpiucf · #1 08-20-2006, 03:46 PM

Having been through this emotional roller coaster with family members, I would not recommend it unless you are completely in love and want to subject yourself to being lover/best friend/parent/shrink/saint.

SydneyK · #2 08-20-2006, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Having been through this emotional roller coaster with family members, I would not recommend it unless you are completely in love and want to subject yourself to being lover/best friend/parent/shrink/saint.

I agree completely. It sounds like you're in the early stages of a relationship with this guy. And, as we all know, relationships with even the healthiest of people (mentally or otherwise) are trying enough. I know you're into the guy, and that you've developed feelings for him, but it's early enough that you can let go without being devastated. Likewise, it's probably early enough that HE won't be devastated. If you really care about him, I'd back off until you know whether meds will work for him, whether he'll actually take them like he's supposed to, whether meds will help him keep from treating you badly, and whether you feel like you can't live without him. Only once those criteria have been determined can you start to think about getting back together.

Sorry to be so blunt. I know it's hard, but seriously, staying with him through everything (at least in the beginning) will be harder. Do yourself a favor and let him fly solo for a while.

PM_Mama00 · #3 08-20-2006, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I agree completely. It sounds like you're in the early stages of a relationship with this guy. And, as we all know, relationships with even the healthiest of people (mentally or otherwise) are trying enough. I know you're into the guy, and that you've developed feelings for him, but it's early enough that you can let go without being devastated. Likewise, it's probably early enough that HE won't be devastated. If you really care about him, I'd back off until you know whether meds will work for him, whether he'll actually take them like he's supposed to, whether meds will help him keep from treating you badly, and whether you feel like you can't live without him. Only once those criteria have been determined can you start to think about getting back together.

Sorry to be so blunt. I know it's hard, but seriously, staying with him through everything (at least in the beginning) will be harder. Do yourself a favor and let him fly solo for a while.

I totally get what you're saying. We lasted 2 months, and through all that he was lying. I found out what stuff he was lying to me about from someone else, and I don't blame him for lying. We broke it off cuz I couldn't take the lying anyore, and I'd call him out on the stuff that I could. He wasnted to break it off cuz he couldn't take my questions all the time.... this was def for the better. I just don't know if I should keep this friendship going or not.

Scandia · #4 08-20-2006, 08:36 PM

Only major mental illnesses like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia have been mentioned here.

But how about lesser ones, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and the sort? Ones that do not result in the person becoming violent, and that may not even require medication, but that still require some modifications in the person's life. Would that alone deter you from dating someone?

adpiucf · #5 08-20-2006, 09:09 PM

Those people are exhausting enough to have as friends. They always end up being the center of attention, and it's poor me, pity me, pet my head, why does everything always happen to ME, ME, ME?

Yes, I'm generalizing. But I'm also no longer a doormat for the unmedicated.

James · #6 08-21-2006, 03:56 AM

The lying may not have been because of his bipolar. It could just be character flaw. The people that i know that have bi-polar, even the unmedicated ones, don't seem especially deceptive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

I totally get what you're saying. We lasted 2 months, and through all that he was lying. I found out what stuff he was lying to me about from someone else, and I don't blame him for lying. We broke it off cuz I couldn't take the lying anyore, and I'd call him out on the stuff that I could. He wasnted to break it off cuz he couldn't take my questions all the time.... this was def for the better. I just don't know if I should keep this friendship going or not.

AlphaFrog · #7 08-21-2006, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James

The lying may not have been because of his bipolar. It could just be character flaw. The people that i know that have bi-polar, even the unmedicated ones, don't seem especially deceptive.

There was a girl who was on the same floor as me and had the same major, so I saw her all the time (being that there was only 25 of us in the major). She was bi-polar and had the lying/deceptive thing, but again, it could be a character thing, or only certain types of bi-polar.

Drolefille · #8 08-21-2006, 09:25 AM

Not all bi-polars lie, but depending on the strength of the manic phase, they may lie to cover up their activities. If you've just bought 3 cartloads worth of "stuff" (that you don't need) or several new cars (that you can't afford), you'll usually start lying about it to the people who care. At the same time, many bi-polars are just very very sociable during their manic phase. If they're lying it's social lies and exaggerated stories.

Short answer, varies due to the person.

But that doesn't mean it's not a symptom, nor does it say anything about whether the lying will stop if he's on meds or not.

RU OX Alum · #9 08-21-2006, 11:42 AM

I'm manic depresive, one of the few true cases of that alive. It is the most severe form of bipolar disorder.

That's probably why I don't have a girlfriend. I figured that on my own, but glad I got to read about how undateable I am on greek chat. That really clarified it.