Tacky wedding "invitation"

PhoenixAzul · #1 07-04-2006, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

PA - don't include registry info in your wedding invite. People will know to look in the stores and if they can't find it, they'll call your or his parents and ask. If they don't, well, you'll just get lots of towels and you always need towels.

As for the donation to the foundation - I wouldn't go there because unless you know everyone you're inviting espouses the same causes as you do it could get VERY sticky. You might think (for example) Animal Friends is perfectly safe, but you never know who had a bad experience with them or something.

I never knew this was taboo...I could swear I always saw registry info on invites? hmm...i need to go back and look at my scrapbooks. And I totally get you on the non-polarizing foundations thing. I was thinking along the lines of the Children's Hospital Free Care Fund or the American Diabetes Assoc. (since both helped me out a lot when I was little).

Quote:

READ: I'm too chicken$hit to ask without making 1000% sure you'll say yes...

EXACTLY. I don't know what he's on about...my mom and dad love him, his parents call mine his "mother and father in law". He knows I'd say yes, we've been dating for 5 years now...his 7 year time limit is getting close *kidding!*

kddani · #2 07-04-2006, 09:05 AM

[QUOTE=PhoenixAzul]I never knew this was taboo...I could swear I always saw registry info on invites? hmm...i need to go back and look at my scrapbooks. [QUOTE]

Just because other people have done it doesn't mean it's right! It is most certainly considered tacky to include registry info or any mention of gifts (unless it is "No Gifts, Please") on your wedding invite. I would also agree with the asking for donations things- not everyone is going to agree with your cause.

A lot of people put registry info in the shower invite. Most of the people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower (and no one invited to the shower should be left out of the wedding!!!! very tacky to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding, minus extenuating circumstances). Therefore most people will know where you're registered, and those that don't will either call and ask someone, or just give cash.

To ANY bride to be, getting married under any circumstances- go pick up Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006...654545?ie=UTF8
It's a smart investment and will answer tons of your questions as you go along. I've taken to buying it for my friends that become engaged. It's a great reference.

AOII_LB93 · #3 07-04-2006, 11:22 AM

Quote:

A lot of people put registry info in the shower invite. Most of the people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower (and no one invited to the shower should be left out of the wedding!!!!
To ANY bride to be, getting married under any circumstances- go pick up Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006...654545?ie=UTF8
It's a smart investment and will answer tons of your questions as you go along. I've taken to buying it for my friends that become engaged. It's a great reference.

I second that ...about the it being tacky to invite people to the shower and not the wedding.

I also second the etiquette book(I have the full deal one). As a joke, one of my friends gave me one for my shower because a guest brought another guest she shouldn't have who wasn't invited....but anyhow. She and I had a good laugh about it.

PA- theknot.com is a great reference tool. They talk a lot about all sorts of this stuff there, and if you are planning your own wedding they give a great timeline as to when it's good to have stuff done.

KSigKid - I hope you weren't referring to me. I've only ever been to one wedding that was bad, and I've not mentioned it on GC.

KSigkid · #4 07-04-2006, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

KSigKid - I hope you weren't referring to me. I've only ever been to one wedding that was bad, and I've not mentioned it on GC.

I wasn't referring to anyone specifically; I just think people on here, in general, tend to be very harsh on others about their wedding planning. If I was planning a wedding, this is the type of environment I would avoid (and did when my wife and I were planning).

33girl · #5 07-04-2006, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

Most of the people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower

This must be a city thing. When I was growing up, showers were for bridesmaids, VERY intimate friends who for one reason or another weren't in the wedding party, and the family (aunts, grandmas, first cousins). I've been to showers that were bigger and more elaborate than some weddings I've been to, where pretty much every female attending the wedding must have been invited, and I just can't get over thinking it's way too much and on the "gimme gimme" side.

xo_kathy · #6 07-05-2006, 11:40 AM

This also sounds like a Save the Date to me. Unless you are positive they said "we'll send you an invite if you're interested" I wouldn't jump on the tacky bandwagon. These are very much the norm nowadays especially with a destination wedding.

Since my wedding was in my town, but a "destination" to many of the guests, I included a little card with their Christmas card that had a website with travel info. I also sent an invite to all those guests.

However, my parents wanted me to invite some people we were positive were NOT coming. I said I did not want to do that because I didn't want them to think they needed to give us a gift. If this couple did put something like "let us know if you need an invite", perhaps they were actually looking out for their guests so people wouldn't feel the need to send a gift if they were not attending the wedding.

amanda6035 · #7 07-05-2006, 12:05 PM

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this coming weekend. We had the bridal shower 2 weeks ago and when I sent the invites out for the bridal shower, I included where the couple was registered....

33girl · #8 07-05-2006, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amanda6035

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this coming weekend. We had the bridal shower 2 weeks ago and when I sent the invites out for the bridal shower, I included where the couple was registered....

That's different - you are giving the shower, not the bride/couple.

adpiucf · #9 07-05-2006, 12:29 PM

No offense intended, and to each his own, but I still think any formal registry mention on an invitation or website looks tacky. To me, it comes off as looking like the couple is milking its guest list for gifts. Which is the whole point of all the hoopla, I suppose.

GeekyPenguin · #10 04-05-2007, 09:02 PM

Giving this one a big ol' bump...

I have a group of classmates I'm pretty close with. One of the girls is getting married in May and sent out her invitations this week...she didn't "and guest" me. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend as long as this girl has been with her fiance, but I guess technically it's okay she didn't +1 me since the rules of etiquette say you should be engaged or shacking up before it's mandatory. However, another girl in our study group is MARRIED and her husband did not get invited. WTF?

33girl · #11 04-06-2007, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

Giving this one a big ol' bump...

I have a group of classmates I'm pretty close with. One of the girls is getting married in May and sent out her invitations this week...she didn't "and guest" me. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend as long as this girl has been with her fiance, but I guess technically it's okay she didn't +1 me since the rules of etiquette say you should be engaged or shacking up before it's mandatory. However, another girl in our study group is MARRIED and her husband did not get invited. WTF?

She might not have a lot of $ to burn and therefore, only wants to invite/pay for the dinners of people she actually knows, not for their significant others.

GeekyPenguin · #12 04-06-2007, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

She might not have a lot of $ to burn and therefore, only wants to invite/pay for the dinners of people she actually knows, not for their significant others.

But to not invite somebody's husband? I always thought spouses were mandatory.

OtterXO · #13 04-09-2007, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

Giving this one a big ol' bump...

I have a group of classmates I'm pretty close with. One of the girls is getting married in May and sent out her invitations this week...she didn't "and guest" me. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend as long as this girl has been with her fiance, but I guess technically it's okay she didn't +1 me since the rules of etiquette say you should be engaged or shacking up before it's mandatory. However, another girl in our study group is MARRIED and her husband did not get invited. WTF?

This is such a tricky situation. A friend of mine is getting married soon and informed us that none of the girls in our group of friends are going to be invited with an "and guest", which is fine since they don't really know anyone's boyfriend. The weird thing is that they seemed to pick and choose who was invited with a guest because one of our friends made a point to say we'd all get to meet her new boyfriend at the wedding. Clearly since they've been dating for 5 minutes, the engaged couple doesn't know the new boyfriend. I think the rule of thumb should be to be consistent with whatever you choose and to follow basic etiquette rules with inviting spouses and fiance/fiancees.