Would you mourn a baby that was never born?

[Tom Earp]

Losing a small part of being is not easy.

I think DeltAlum said it best, be thankful for what You have.

[ZTAMich]

After each birth (i'm one of 3 daughters), my parents suffered a miscarriage. The last, mom's 6th pregnancy, was carried well into her second trimester & had a lot of complications. She was on bed-rest and admitted to the hospital a few times. She ended up delivering the baby and he did not survive. My parents decided to have him buried on our family plot & had a small service with just my 2 sisters & I and the pastor.

I think this was the most emotional for my parents because of the complications...and that fact that if he had lived he would have not only been the only brother in our family but the only boy in my dad's family to carry on the last name. We use to come home from school ( i was in 8th grade and my sisters were in 1st grade and Pre-K) and sit on the bed with mom doing our homework. Sometimes we'd bring her dinner on the good plates to cheer her up. We bonded as mother & daughters and felt attached to the baby as well.

At the same time, we know life has to go on and I'm blessed with 2 healthy sisters. I think the grief process is on-going, depending on the circumstance & accepting what happened is different for everyone.

[AOIIBrandi]

I have a friend who miscarried 2 weeks before her due date. She had to deliver the dead baby (imagine going through the pain of childbirth knowing that after the horrific experience there isn't going to be the joy of the live child). They did name the baby, although I'm not sure if they had to for a death certificate, and they had her cremated. My friend has since gone on to a have a live birth, a beautiful baby boy, but it was definitely a tragic experience for all involved. I don't think she dwells on it, but I do know they both think about her.

[PM_Mama00]

Come to think of it... I do think about my mom's miscarriages. She had 3 between my brother and I (we're 10 years apart.. I was a surprise). I think that it'd be pretty cool to have 3 other siblings, maybe even a sister. But then I think well I wouldn't have been born cuz I'm sure she would have stopped some time before age 30. I'm sure I'll think about it if I get married one day and start thinking about kids.

[lilbay77]

I had a co-worker who had to deliver her stillborn baby on mothers day last year

[KSigkid]

If my wife were to have a miscarriage, there would be a mourning period immediately after it happened. I'm sure it would continue to be a sad memory after that, but I wouldn't necessarily say we'd continue to mourn.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by lilbay77
I had a co-worker who had to deliver her stillborn baby on mothers day last year

Talk about tough. She will have that reminder every year, and it will be stronger because of the day it happened.

[SoCalGirl]

It's definitely a very personal experience for anybody that's been through it but I have always thought that the hardest part of a miscarriage is the loss of the unknown. You'll always wonder what kind of person the child would have been, what he/she would have looked like, etc. I think it compounds the emotions.

[AGDee]

I think it greatly depends on the circumstances. I had a miscarriage after just a few weeks, after getting pregnant while on the pill. I was more stressed than happy about that pregnancy, so I didn't mourn. Had I been trying for years to get pregnant and gone through all kinds of fertility steps to get pregnant, then I would have felt differently, I'm sure. With my two healthy pregnancies, I can honestly say that I didn't really feel connected to those babies until I started feeling them move.. around 22 or 23 weeks. That's when I felt like there were living things inside of me and started really interacting with them. Before that point, I pretty much just felt like I had the flu. It's impossible to figure out how I would have reacted if I had miscarried either of them. They weren't planned, but they were very wanted, so my mind set was definitely different with them than with the first pregnancy.

[kdonline]

I've had 3 miscarriages, all within the first trimester. I mourned all 3 of them when they happened, and since they've been rather recent, I still remember the time of year (though I can't recall the exact dates) that they occurred. The only time I mention my miscarriages is when discussion calls for it (much to the dismay of some people who apparently prefer to keep pregnancy loss a secret).

IMO, what adds to the emotions is the d&c procedure - done @ a hospital, under anesthesia... I can only describe it as very sorrowful. I don't like to think about those times..waking up after it's all over, it's very devastating.

Anyway, I've had friends who have miscarried AFTER the first trimester (around 20 weeks) and had to go through labor. (When this happens, usually the parents have a burial, as did my friends.) I can't imagine the emotional rollercoaster they went through.

The way people choose to mourn is very personal. Why criticize them?

[kddani]

It's disgusting to make fun of someone for something like this.

No matter what your problem with someone on this board is, it's sick. All over something on a FRIGGIN' INTERNET MESSAGE BOARD.

This is such a personal and tragic thing. I hope that it never happens to any of you that are making fun of this sort of situation.

[Rudey]

Make fun of who?? What even suggests that the discussion is about making fun of someone.

You need to stop harassing us Dani. It's so sickening.

Originally Posted by kddani

It's disgusting to make fun of someone for something like this.

No matter what your problem with someone on this board is, it's sick. All over something on a FRIGGIN' INTERNET MESSAGE BOARD.

This is such a personal and tragic thing. I hope that it never happens to any of you that are making fun of this sort of situation.