Being the "other woman" (or man)

[BobbyTheDon]

Originally posted by ISUKappa
I think this is the first time I've ever agreed with Valkyrie on something.

Quick, someone talk about ISU vs. Iowa.

ISU: Iowa licks balls

Iowa: No ISU does

ISU : NO YOU DO!

IOWA: U!

ISU : U!

IOWA : U!



ETA: and God said let there be light

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by ISUKappa
I think this is the first time I've ever agreed with Valkyrie on something.

Quick, someone talk about ISU vs. Iowa.

HAHAHAHawkeyes!!! LOLZ.

I've never understood the idea that many people seem to have that you have to be single to learn/grow/mature/whatever. To me, that's like saying you can't walk and chew gum at the same time.

[sugar and spice]

I don't think you HAVE to be single to learn/mature, but I think it happens much faster that way (at least in terms of the learning processes in question), and much more often that way than not. When you're single you tend to be much more self-focused than when you're in a relationship. (Actually, I do think relationships lead to growth processes as well, but they are different ones . . . )

If you're going from one relationship straight into another, there's far less time to reflect on "what you're doing wrong" before you start getting involved with someone else.

Of course, that doesn't mean that single people necessarily put too much thought into what went wrong, either, so being single doesn't guarantee that someone will become grow up.

This would be longer but I'm off to work.

[LightBulb]

Even if you don't care about the guy's girlfriend or karma in general, think about this:

if he ended up dating you, don't you think he would cheat on you too?

and

wouldn't you have to cut your future boyfriend some slack for flirting / hooking up with another girl if you did that to a guy with a girlfriend?

[AGDee]

Originally posted by valkyrie
HAHAHAHawkeyes!!! LOLZ.

I've never understood the idea that many people seem to have that you have to be single to learn/grow/mature/whatever. To me, that's like saying you can't walk and chew gum at the same time.

There are people who define their self worth based on their significant others and therefore, cannot fathom the idea of NOT having a boyfriend/girlfriend. They tend to stay with a bad bf/gf just to have someone and they aren't ever the ones to break up unless they have someone else waiting in the wings. They end up being needy, clingy and dependent, and those are the ones who need to spend some time alone, to find out who they are on their own, and learn to define their self worth in other ways. It doesn't apply to everybody, in my eyes, just to those who think they are nothing without a SO. Also, the type that I described above tend to morph into what they think the person they like wants them to be instead of being themselves and ending up with someone compatible. It's more important to be with SOMEBODY without real regard for whether that person is healthy for them or compatible with them. Women tend to do this more than men, but I've definitely dated some men who were terrified of being alone too and were just too clingy and dependent.

ETA: As to the original question, I would want to know why the person was still dating someone if they weren't happy in the relationship. If you aren't happy, leave it and then pursue someone else. I would remain in the friend category with the person and when/if they break up with this other person, then seek a new opportunity with them.

Dee

[33girl]

Originally posted by sugar and spice
I don't think you HAVE to be single to learn/mature, but I think it happens much faster that way (at least in terms of the learning processes in question), and much more often that way than not. When you're single you tend to be much more self-focused than when you're in a relationship. (Actually, I do think relationships lead to growth processes as well, but they are different ones . . . )

If you're going from one relationship straight into another, there's far less time to reflect on "what you're doing wrong" before you start getting involved with someone else.

Of course, that doesn't mean that single people necessarily put too much thought into what went wrong, either, so being single doesn't guarantee that someone will become grow up.

This would be longer but I'm off to work.

I remember a very good article from Seventeen that said pretty much the same thing. The author said she had gone with the same guy from age 13-18 and after they broke up, she had no clue what she was doing or how to relate to other guys. Everyone wrings their hands about young kids nowadays being in too "casual" of relationships, but I'm not sure this kind of thing (i.e. dating someone forever) wasn't equally hazardous, at least emotionally and mentally.

Some of the people I know are like this - they've NEVER not had a boyfriend for more than 5 minutes - and to be blunt, they're not as interesting as the people who have gone through periods of being single.

[Lindz928]

Originally posted by Lindz928
Karma is a bitch.

So I normally hate it when people quote themselves, but it is necessary to notice the irony.

If karma really IS a bitch.... I think I'm in trouble.

[BobbyTheDon]

Originally posted by Lindz928
So I normally hate it when people quote themselves, but it is necessary to notice the irony.

If karma really IS a bitch.... I think I'm in trouble.

cheater cheater pumpkin eater?

[Lindz928]

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
cheater cheater pumpkin eater?

He is.... Not me.