To depledge, or not to depledge?

[CircleofLife]

My university is going through the colonization process. I had looked into sorotrities before, but hadn't found one I thought was a good fit for me and didn't honestly have the time. But this organization came to campus and I did my research and really thought it was a good fit for me.

Now, I'm a senior graduating in May. I chose to join the sorority. I have loved it, but the more I think about it, the more I'm questioning if it's the right choice for me.

Dues are $325. This cost is manageable, but I have a lot of costs coming up with grad school and the like and to pay the $325 is going to be rough. My grad school of choice requires a $400 deposit (much more than the $200-$250 I was expecting). I'm only going to be a fully initiated member for maybe a week before I turn around and become an alumnae member.

I'll never get to have a little, or be a big. I won't get to help set up a lot of traditions in just one semester. I won't get to participate in recruitment or bids. None of that. I was told I wasn't allowed to hold an officer position, so that's disheartening as well. I feel like I'm very invested, but I'm not sure if all of it is worth it when I'm more sad about leaving so soon instead of being excited to be a part of this.

We're about half-way through out new member process. It's going fine, but I feel disconnected to know that I'm leaving in just 2 months. I only have 3 months to make these strong bonds with my sisters and my organization, before I go off and graduation. And none of my potential grad schools have chapters there either.

So I guess...I'm debating if I should continue. Am I really contributing anything (besides money) to our first semester on campus? I can't be an officer. I'm leaving in May. I was really excited at first. I wanted to be a part of the founding class and start something amazing on campus. And so far, we've already done great things. But it makes me more sad now than anything. I still love the organization and the women, but I feel like to only do it for 3 months may not have been my wisest choice.

I'm just a bit lost, since I know most seniors don't join their last semester. I was just hoping for a bit of advice/guidance. I'd really appreciate it.