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When I was a little kid my parents gave me the speech about watching out for strange dirty old men who seemed too interested in little children. I wasn't sure what a pederast was or did but I knew they were bad news. Then my mother took me to the department store where we could see Santa. I took one look at this old weirdo with a bushy beard, a red velvet costume, and a bunch of small tykes gathered around him and sitting on his lap.
Holy shit Batman, Santa Clause was the guy my parents warned me about! Santa was a pervert! After that I never did go see Santa.
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A man has to believe in something, I believe I'll have another drink.
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