...cause Nana ain't havin' it this year

[TonyB06]

Rules for holiday dinner at Nana’s house

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the
potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in
the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind
of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you
in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat
anything.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your azz down until
someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of 12, I will escort their little
azzes to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not
gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not
allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling
family stories about their mommas and daddies. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their azzes!

4. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you
don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy azz home
next year!

5. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself
a plate in my good Tupperware knowing dayum well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me
catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.

6. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my
house with anything that doesn't belong to you. Everybody will be subjected to a body search coming and going. I suggest you don’t clown, cause I will.

7. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a daycare center! There will be a kid-parent roll call
every 10 minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll
call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her.
After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!

8. Book your hotel room before you come into town!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your
azz home or to your hotel room. Everybody gets kicked out at 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

9. Last but not least! One plate per person! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family!

You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will
be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy
azz family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD
are now being accepted.