...cause Nana ain't havin' it this year
 

Rules for holiday dinner at Nana’s house

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the
potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in
the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind
of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you
in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat
anything.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your azz down until
someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of 12, I will escort their little
azzes to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not
gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not
allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling
family stories about their mommas and daddies. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their azzes!

4. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you
don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy azz home
next year!

5. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself
a plate in my good Tupperware knowing dayum well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me
catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.

6. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my
house with anything that doesn't belong to you. Everybody will be subjected to a body search coming and going. I suggest you don’t clown, cause I will.

7. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a daycare center! There will be a kid-parent roll call
every 10 minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll
call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her.
After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!

8. Book your hotel room before you come into town!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your
azz home or to your hotel room. Everybody gets kicked out at 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

9. Last but not least! One plate per person! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family!

You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will
be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy
azz family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD
are now being accepted.

:D

I'm mad that the invalids have to chill w/pecans and walnuts until someone remembers them...poor folks.

You got some free loading kin too?

Oh yeah or the women in the family: If you don't make your man a plate, there will be hell to pay with Nana!
(my cousin found out this the hard way)

What???

I am the *Nana* and I say any lazy azz man who can't get up from in front of the football game on TV to fix his own plate, can starve!!!!!!!!!!

I caught my dear oldest daughter fixin' a plate for "don't have a job, but let's her support him and his two kidlings" and giving him heaps...I did ask him if his legs were broken. Not in *my* house.

Men, feed yourselves!! And get the hayle out of my seat on the sofa when the cowboy game is on!

You're worse than Nana! You sound like Madea! :o

LOL!!!!

hehehehe!

Good post! hee hee!

For my gatherings, I'd like to add: "Do not bring your 4 kids, two of their dads, and THEIR 3 sisters each and show up to my house with a single can of cranberries."

Also, "If you are going to bring newcomers (i.e. friends, random relatives from your other side, etc.) please ask them NOT to stare me or my family down, roll their eyes, or make any kind of rude gesture or remark. Blood relatives, we have to put up with. Your freeloading guests, we don't!"

grrrrr! :D

ON THE REAL!!!! When a blood relative brings someone over who's just a friend...I'm like don't they have families LOL...and they always bring the most triflin folks who just talk ish about the family...NO ONE INVITED YO AZZ SHOW YOURSELF TO THE DOOR :cool:

My take....
 

"9. Last but not least! One plate per person! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy azz family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted."


If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas then why are you expecting a plate to be sent to you? http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/8/8_5_7.gif Why are we sending food home to your azz when you claim not to believe in these holidays and don't come? What are you claming to be thankful for the fact that we cooked that day so you don't have to? I will send you can of spaghetti-o's and some fish sticks since for you it should be an ordinary thursday and you won't miss a thing.:cool:

^LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Same goes for relatives who are "too tired" or 20-year old cousins who are too hungover to show up to our grandmother's home for a holiday celebration! No excuse and they are the first ones to call the house and ask for someone to "bring them back a plate"!!!!

You got one of those JW relatives that don't celebrate but will come over to eat your food too?

I will never forget my mom brought my aunt a turkey for Christmas. Since she didn't celebrate Christmas, she threw the turkey away! My mom wanted to break her size 10 foot off in her behind :mad:

Oh My gosh!!!!!!! This one just floors me!

Just cause you don't celebrate Christmas, then celebrate DINNER for goodness sake!

I always make a big ol' turkey dinner in July to break up the monotony of "cook outs" ....turkey it is not just for the end of the calendar year!

church!

Jill1228 You hit the nail on the head! At least yours will actually come to eat, mine don't even come but get their oldest 2 kids to take the other 2 back food. It is my in-laws side of the family but I just sit with my mouth open. I am like just come over for the fellowship to be with your family then, you don't even necessarily have to eat! Come for dessert if you want to miss all the other stuff. Or have the fam over your house on the 3rd sat of September just because. But nope they do neither and one year my then bf (now hubby) had to take the leftover turkey to them. Mind you they live a block apart so it's not like someone couldn't have walked down the street to get it. I promise not to tell anyone at the Hall y'all were here!

Thanks for my a.m.:D laugh..