Why I Left GreekChat

[BamaDad DZ]

Hello,

My daughter is a Bama DZ. I've always supported my daughter's interests, so it was quite natural to join GreekChat to learn about recruitment, the pledge process, and active sorority membership. When my daughter spoke about sorority life, my GreekChat studies permitted me to follow the conversation with some degree of familiarity. Then I received a disturbing private message from KaiKey (set forth below). Discretion prompted me to stop posting. Considerable time has passed, however, so I decided to state my reasons for leaving. KaiKey said it was my option to post the message, noting that "the truth is always a defense". Therein lies the question: Is Kaikey's opinion the truth? If anything, it may produce interesting commentary in a setting of healthy public debate. I've put the matter behind me, so I simply look forward to lively debate. Wishing you all the best, I will respectfully continue to observe GreekChat from the silent sidelines.

Dave (BamaDad DZ)

KaiKey
Registered User

Join Date: May 2003
Location: somewhere out there
Posts: 12

i am trying to be very sensitive about what i am saying "bamadad dz" i truly want you to know how sensitive i am trying to be with this pm. this is not an easy pm but one that needs to be sent. i will explain.

while all of us on gc realize how proud you are of your daughter and how wonderful it is that she found dz at alabama, you may want to back off a bit expecially with your very defensive posts about dz national. without offense, and i am not a malicious nor "snarky" person, but you were admittedly not greek, so you do not "know" the system from the inside. you only have a very limited amount of information from one chapter about one chapter, certainly not the entire national sorority and national headquarters innerworkings and certainly not about other greek organizations, be it fraternities or sororities.

your daughter is at a very unique school, it is great she found her niche. however, you post clearly reveal that you "really do not get it" and that you really do not realize how naive and, sadly, how laughable you have become, especially given your most recent posts. anyone who has been at a large university, especially large prestigous southern ones - knows without a single doubt that dz is most likely the weakest national sorority. their reputation at depauw is, sadly, the reputation that they have all over the country, especially at the larger universities and most all presigious private colleges.

i really try to have a great panhellenic spirit and always strive for greek unity - that is why i am taking the time, and "the fall" for extending you the courtesy of letting you know that your posts are getting far too defensive of an organization that is nationally know as the "dawg house" or the "disease." One who has failed miserably at almost every single major university and exclusive private college where they have had chapters. Tht is not the "market" they serve. And, even worse, it hurts all national sororities. Therefore, most sororities are keenly aware of the national reputation of all other sororities and especially that of dz. sadly, the reputation of dz hurts many other sororities and their efforts to maintain strong and viable chapters more than any other member group of the npc.

they were and are a "teacher's sorority" and that is their "niche market" - they have good chapters at smaller, non-competitive schools, plain and simple. that is where they thrive and where they should stay and expand. all sororities want good chapters at major, "flagship" universities and colleges, but they do not want panhellenic to suffer and lose members consistently because of one particular group - delta zeta. there is no group immune from having a bad chapter or a chapter that is weak. everyone has chapters that struggle, but not to the national extent of dz.

we all want to be proud of our children and the choices they make. i am sorry, i am not being mean. it is has gotten to the point that your "blinders," loving as they may be, together with you total lack of a personal greek experience, have clouded how truly wonderful you think dz is. i am sorry, but it is not perceived that way by the vast majority of greeks and the greek system. it is nationally known as a very weak and very bad sorority, one to avoid at all costs. i do not know of a single chapter at a major or private school in the multi-state region where dz succeeded, they have had to close all of those chapters. even the chapters at the smaller schools were so happy when they finally closed down the "dawg house" or the "disease" at the larger schools as it hurt them and their reputation. people judged their chapters on the reputation of the dz chapters at the better schools. it was and continues to be a very sore subject for the smaller chapters that have done well. many alumnae are still very reluctant to reveal they are a dz. they were a constant embarassment to the better, smaller school chapters. it is really sad when you have chapters of a sorority contacting their national organization and begging them to close chapters at larger and better schools. this has happened frequently with dz.

please look at a "baird's manual of american college fraternities" annd you will easily see that they have more closed chapters than any other sorority. yes, there are other sororities that are very weak nationally, but not to the extent that dz is and continues to be. that is sad, but it is true.

not every organization is going to have the impressiveness and clout of the "big three" - kappa alpha theta, pi beta phi or kappa kappa gamma. they are so strong nationally and are among the best houses at almost every single school where they are located. dz sadly has failed miserably and cannot say that. just look at the depauw debacle and that is what most of their chapters are like and what they are called. it is sad, but it is true. it hurts all sororities and for that it has caused more harm than good, as when one group hurts the system, they hurt everyone and everyone in turn does everything they can to get rid of them at any expense.

when you continue to brag on and on about how wonderful the alabama dz's are - you, without even nowing it, are putting down the other sororities at 'bama. old time gc members who no longer post still pm one another. and believe me, they are really wondering how long it is going to take until you realize how truly awful they are on a national scale. i have nothing personal against dz. they were the smallest and the worst sorority on my campus. sadly, we stayed away from them like the plague. even worse, i was a rho chi and the pnm's refused to go to the "disease" house during rush, it was awful and it had a great impact, albeit negative, effect on other weaker chapters.

i know you are educated and you are an attorney. please believe me that i am honestly trying to be kind and professional in letting you know that you have become a "private joke" behind the scenes on gc. "teh cult" talks about you behind your back - pm's fly over your posts and how clueless you are. there are truly wonderful members of gc that talk on a regular basis and you have never seen them post. most do not like the more militant and juvenile bent it has recently taken. and, sadly, the alabama gc members of other sororities have discussed how weak the dz chapter is at 'bama and cringe at your posts and speculate about what you will inanely brag about next and what will happen when you find out dz is incredibly weak, both locally and especially nationally. your continual bragging and "one-upping" has become a running joke and it needs to stop for your sake and for the sake of your daughter.

i have had enough of people making fun of you and your daughter and dz. so, i will "take the fall" and be the one to tell you. as i said, i have nothing against dz personally. I love a great number of dz members i have met who went to smaller schools where they were good chapters. just know what you are bragging about and realize you are judging a very large but very mediocre group on one single chapter that you vicariously enjoy through your daughter. i am glad your daughter found a home with dz and that she loves it. but you need to realize you are not a dz and you will never be a dz and you do not need to continously brag about them and come to their defense. you are not a greek, you have not gone to larger "very souther, very greek" university and you do not personally know and have not personally experienced being a greek, especially in a system like that. even the weakest chapters will take quota as most girls want so badly to be in a sorority that they will settle for any bid they get.

have you not noticed that no members from the "old row" and old line" fraternities and sororities at the major "southern greek schools," especially members of those chapters at alabama have never commented on your daughter and dz. they privately do, but will never publically comment other than say that is sweet, it is nice, and that they hope she is happy and are glad she found a home. we try to be "pc on gc" and try to have a true greek spirit - but when you start arguing about how wonderful dz national is and you really do not know anything about it and the greek system, it is considered defensive for your daughter and casts you in a very negative light.

so, in conclusion, we are so glad that you daughter and dz are a wonderful fit. however, please realize you have very limited knowledge about what you are posting about. post knowledgeably and carefully, please. it is sad to see you and now your daughter become a running joke behind the scenes.

honestly, i am not being mean. i have absolutely no agenda, i am really a kind person and am trying to salvage what dignity and reputation you have on gc. that said, most highly placed and active top greeks have nothing to do with gc and ignore it, they have lives and gc is certainly not a part of it. however, alums look at it for recruitment purposes. we were proud you were so proud of your daughter. however, the ones i was the closest with were all terribly sad when you changed you screen name and then announced her choice. but it was her choice and if she found a home and she loves that home, that is wonderful. but be aware that all groups have a national reputation that goes far beyond their local reputation.

i really do not know how to do this without coming across as the worst person in the world. honestly, that is not my intent. this e-mail is intended for you and for you only. i would appreciate it if you did not disseminate it, but that is your choice. my only response would be, "the truth is always a defense."

kristin