Quote:
Originally Posted by CUBuffsFan19
I have a question for all of you, I recently accepted a bid to pledge (2 days ago) a fraternity, and am already thinking about depledging since to be honest I didnt really enjoy my first few days in it and probably didnt get to know the guys as well as I should have during rush. So my question is, do you think it is a better idea to depledge now? OR to tough it out and see if I enjoy myself down the road? Also if anyone knows how the depledge process works, I would be very grateful if you could give me some information. Thank You
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This is more common that you might think. I have rarely seen the pledge class that is the same size at initiation as it was at the beginning. And many guys who depledge go somewhere else in a future semester. It is easier for guys to do that than it is for ladies.
As for toughing it out- you have to decide whether you have prejudged it, but there is one very practical consideration. That consideration is money. Have you paid dues yet? There are non-refundable fees you will pay, but if you have not paid out dues, when do you have to come up with that money? If finances are part of the issue for you, then this is a valid consideration.
Otherwise, my general advice would be to stick it out for at least 3-4 weeks if you are truly unsure. Pledgeship is a tough process and it takes some getting used to for some people. It is not even a matter of whether a house is "hazing" or not- you are in a situation where you have made a time commitment and will be told what to do for a while. It is natural to resist that to a certain degree until you see the value of a pledging period and the benefits of brotherhood.
And so of course you will question whether it is worth it. We all did at some point.
So I say give it a chance provided you are not being forced to do things you have moral objections to, or which are clearly dangerous. If this is your motive for leaving, then best to go now because pledgeship does not get easier as it goes along- and if you feel uncomfortable now, it will not improve with time.
If you are more concerned with the overall commitment and wondering what to expect, then give it some time.
Have you been assigned a Big Brother yet? That can be a good person to talk to. Or other pledge brothers. Don't necessarily say you are thinking about leaving, but do ask them what they think of the chapter and what they are getting out of it etc.
Look at the actives in the house too. What are they doing? Are the academically oriented. Are they sports oriented? Do they have a lot of socials with sororities? Do a large number of the guys drink heavily several times a week?
If you look at the actives you will see your future in that house. And it is not just about how most people are turning out, but about whether people have room to grow in different directions.
Every house has the guy who graduates 50 times more a man than when he started. And every house has the guy who puts on 50-60+ pounds and gets drunk every single day.
But within those and other categories, are there general trends with lots of guys of a particular type?
These are the things to ask yourself. When you walk around campus wearing fraternity letters, everyone who sees you will judge you on first impression based on the other guys in that chapter and the house's reputation.
Is that a reputation you want? For those of us who went through, the answer is yes. But we did not necessarily know for sure this early in pledgeship.
Hope this helps you find the right answer for yourself.
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