"The New Wife" according to the New York Post

[AXO_MOM_3]

Originally posted by AGDee
One of the biggest factors in me wanting to work no matter what was NOT wanting to be dependent on someone else. There are no guarantees in this world and if you're just depending on HIM and his income, you are vulnerable. Divorce, disability or death could make you bankrupt in no time.

Lastly, I think that either way, there are people who look down on you. SAHM's definitely make comments about moms who work and vice versa. There are pros and cons to both, but for me, more than anything, I'm not willing to risk being financially dependent on anybody, ever.
Dee

It is scary to think of where I would be should anything happen to my darling husband. We have lots of large insurance policies - for both disability and death. I really can't say much on the divorce - I don't see us ever heading down that road but if we should traverse it, I feel confident in my own abilities to land a job that would take care of mine and my childrens needs. I also know some mean divorce attorneys!

Perhaps this is part of what the article referred to - women today do feel more confident in the choice to stay at home, and if the provider is unable to provide, then they have degrees to take care of themselves if they need to. Unfortunately, this was not the case for most of our mothers.

For me personally, I don't feel dependent on my husband. Everything is both of our names - all bank accounts, cars, house, etc. He is self-employed, and we have good years and bad years. We have learned to save up during the good years so that we will have plenty to fall back on during the off years. Our finances are a partnership, just as our home life is. I keep things running smoothly on one end - groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry, children etc and he keeps things going on the other so he can deposit a check each month.

I have experienced both sides - working with a child, and staying at home with my children. My own preference is to stay at home. The great thing is that we all have the choice, and most of us are flexible enough to be able to work at home or go out and get a job should we need one. It is difficult no matter which side of the fence you sit on, and we as women should be respectful of both sides. At least we do have a choice!

[wrigley]

Originally posted by Taualumna
She could have been pressured to major in engineering by her family or her school (my cousin falls into this category). Or, she thought that she wanted to take engineering when she was in high school, and decided to finish the degree, because changing her major to, say, English, may require her to take another year of school.

I swear I wasn't going to say anything but this last quote did it.
I find your references to your experiences in a private girls school annnoying because I don't see the correlation of how high schools girls and college graduate women have the same decisions to make. It's like comparing apples and oranges.

I too remembered this episode of Oprah discussing the film Mona Lisa Smile. The woman in question was a junior engineering major at Northwestern University,Evanston, IL. Present tuition is $37,491 per year. That's a enormous amount of money to invest in for an education. Her mother has every right to question her daughter's decisions at this stage if she's paying the bills. As to the woman being "pressured" by the university, my brother is an alumnus and I can assure you there are no civil rights being violated that warrant involvement from Amnesty International when it comes to choosing your major or changing your major. If she was a sophmore there's still time to change your major.

As to your references of "that's nice" as a response when a woman says she's a SAHM. I would hope that she has enough confidence in herself that she wouldn't need to have validation of others for her decision.

[Taualumna]

I should have said that she may have been pressured by her HIGH SCHOOL to major in engineering. We don't know. Most of us don't know who the girl on the show is. My cousin wasn't pressured by her high school, but by her family. Her mother said that whether she paid the tuition or not, my cousin had to major in Civil Engineering. No choices. The reason high school was brought up was because one of the posters mentioned that the school in the article was a "finishing school"

[mu_agd]

Originally posted by Taualumna
I should have said that she may have been pressured by her HIGH SCHOOL to major in engineering. We don't know. Most of us don't know who the girl on the show is. My cousin wasn't pressured by her high school, but by her family. Her mother said that whether she paid the tuition or not, my cousin had to major in Civil Engineering. No choices. The reason high school was brought up was because one of the posters mentioned that the school in the article was a "finishing school"

how the h*ll would a high school pressure someone into majoring in something?? i have never heard of a school here doing that, they will offer guidance to you when getting ready to apply and after you have been accepted to a school, but they don't push you into a particular major. they find out what you want to do and help you work towards that. and if someone doesn't have the balls to say that s/he doesn't want to major in one thing any more, s/he wants to switch but doesn't, then i'm sorry, but s/he gets absolutely no sympathy for me regardless of whether they stay at home or work.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by mu_agd
how the h*ll would a high school pressure someone into majoring in something?? i have never heard of a school here doing that, they will offer guidance to you when getting ready to apply and after you have been accepted to a school, but they don't push you into a particular major. they find out what you want to do and help you work towards that. and if someone doesn't have the balls to say that s/he doesn't want to major in one thing any more, s/he wants to switch but doesn't, then i'm sorry, but s/he gets absolutely no sympathy for me regardless of whether they stay at home or work.

There are schools that subtly do that. We don't know if the girl on the show went to an all girls' school or not, but I do know that many have seminars on women in maths and sciences, and try to steer girls away from more traditional majors. It usually doesn't work all that well, but I can tell you that over half the girls take more than one math course in their senior year and almost all take one math.

[mu_agd]

Originally posted by Taualumna
There are schools that subtly do that. We don't know if the girl on the show went to an all girls' school or not, but I do know that many have seminars on women in maths and sciences, and try to steer girls away from more traditional majors. It usually doesn't work all that well, but I can tell you that over half the girls take more than one math course in their senior year and almost all take one math.

that's because just like college, high schools have requirements for graduation. we had to take a certain number of math, science, social studies, etc classes to graduate, and that usually works out to be at least one a year. i have many friends that went to all girls private schools, i applied to an all girls private school but decided i wanted to stay in public school. none of them were ever pressured, subtly or not, into doing certain things. that may have been your experience, but you can't generalize it to everyone.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by mu_agd
that's because just like college, high schools have requirements for graduation. we had to take a certain number of math, science, social studies, etc classes to graduate, and that usually works out to be at least one a year. i have many friends that went to all girls private schools, i applied to an all girls private school but decided i wanted to stay in public school. none of them were ever pressured, subtly or not, into doing certain things. that may have been your experience, but you can't generalize it to everyone.

Taking two maths was not a senior requirement at my school or any school, public or private in Ontario. It wasn't even a requirement after Grade 10 (Grade 11 at my school). Girls at all girls' schools are more likely to take maths and sciences beyond what is required. Also, Mu, when did you graduate from high school (approximate year is ok)? I graduated in the late 90s, several years after the girls' school study was released (I think it was released either in the late 80s or early 90s). Now, of course, they're saying that boys also benefit from being in a single gendered classroom.

[mu_agd]

1998

[Lady Pi Phi]

I know girls that went to Havergal, and in no way were they pressure, subtly or otherwise into doing something they did not want to do.
My friend went to Havergal for highschool because her parents believed she would receive a better education than from public school. Schools are there to educate so that students can make their choices based on solid knowledge, not on a whim.

I think you're confusing pressure with encouragment.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by Taualumna
The reason high school was brought up was because one of the posters mentioned that the school in the article was a "finishing school"

Yeah, I compared the school to a finishing school--in that they, more than their contemporaries, really push social graces. Last time I checked, that's what one was...

How can a high school pressure students into majoring in something in college? I know I was like, "eff all ya'll" when I graduated from HS. My college never gave me any pressure to major in anything, either. My parents didn't either. What a terrible life I lead...

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Yeah, I compared the school to a finishing school--in that they, more than their contemporaries, really push social graces. Last time I checked, that's what one was...

How can a high school pressure students into majoring in something in college? I know I was like, "eff all ya'll" when I graduated from HS. My college never gave me any pressure to major in anything, either. My parents didn't either. What a terrible life I lead...

I'm glad the school pressures social graces. We need it in this day and age! Too bad most schools no longer do that. I find it really sad. Anyway, colleges never pressure their students to major in one thing or another. They shouldn't...it's not their job. Besides, students are usually 18 or pretty close to 18 when they're in their first year. Some parents, however, do pressure their kids. My parents never did, but I know that inside, they would have preferred that I majored in Life Sciences (premed) than history/drama. Looking back, I somewhat agree. Drama was bad for me, and I'm now somewhat embarassed that I did that.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by Taualumna
I'm glad the school pressures social graces. We need it in this day and age! Too bad most schools no longer do that. I find it really sad. Anyway, colleges never pressure their students to major in one thing or another. They shouldn't...it's not their job. Besides, students are usually 18 or pretty close to 18 when they're in their first year. Some parents, however, do pressure their kids. My parents never did, but I know that inside, they would have preferred that I majored in Life Sciences (premed) than history/drama. Looking back, I somewhat agree. Drama was bad for me, and I'm now somewhat embarassed that I did that.

I'm sure a lot of parents would have prefered if they kids had made different choices in certain aspects of their lives. However, by the time we're 18 and heading of to university/college we should be able to make our own desicions and learn from our own mistakes.
Parents should stay out of it. They can offer suggestions/guidence...that's what they are there for, but not to pressure anyone, that's not there job. As an adult, if you can't make your own descions, well I don't know what to say...

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi

Parents should stay out of it. They can offer suggestions/guidence...that's what they are there for, but not to pressure anyone, that's not there job. As an adult, if you can't make your own descions, well I don't know what to say...

1. Tell that to immigrant parents who expect their kids to help them out of poverty

2. Tell that to parents who expect their only child to follow in their footsteps and perhaps inherit their business.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by Taualumna
1. Tell that to immigrant parents who expect their kids to help them out of poverty

2. Tell that to parents who expect their only child to follow in their footsteps and perhaps inherit their business.

That kids needs to stand up to their parents. If they aren't willing to do that, then that's there own problem and will suffer.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
That kids needs to stand up to their parents. If they aren't willing to do that, then that's there own problem and will suffer.

Some kids (including adult children) can't do that, especially kids of immigrant parents (the girl who was on Oprah probably didn't fall into that category, since her mom speaks fluent English). You do as you're told, end of story. The CBC (or maybe Global...it was a Canadian network) interviewed a Chinese Canadian man who was a police officer. He is also a doctor, because his mother and father wanted him to do so. Up until the interview, his parents didn't know that he gave up his practice and went to police college. Not sure if his parents are all that happy about the career change.

A relative of mine in the US (he's related to me by marriage) decided to join the Marines after graduating high school in the late 90s. He's still in it, the last time I checked, and is out in Iraq right now. Anyway, all the adults in the family were not exactly all that happy when he signed up, and criticized him for not going to college right away. Apparently his mother cried.