Ok your new love interest has a ready made family . . . now what? - Page 2

phisigdragonfly · #16 01-03-2004, 05:50 PM

1. NO
2. NO
I can not handle dating someone who has a kid, maybe when i am over 30 it wouldnt seem too impossible to deal with but right now i would not even try.

valkyrie · #17 01-03-2004, 05:56 PM

I have to laugh because several people have mentioned that if they were over 30, their opinion might be different. I am over 30, and my opinion is still (strongly) that I wouldn't date someone with kids. Those of you who wouldn't consider dating someone with kids now but might if you were over 30 -- why?

phisigdragonfly · #18 01-03-2004, 06:06 PM

I am thinking maybe because by then some men (not all of them) would probably have a divorce in their life, or maybe even i will ( although i highly doubt it). The way i see it i have changed my views a lot in the past few years, in another 10 or so who knows what i may or may not think about men with kids.

#19 01-03-2004, 06:10 PM

I would and I have.

A guy I dated for a few months had two kids despite being very young. He was in the military, and his "baby momma" had custody of the kids, until she got caught being a drug abuser. At first it was weird having to accomodate the kids into things that we wanted to do. I'd be over at his place just waiting for them to go to sleep (they were 4 and 2!

). I was lucky because his baby momma didn't turn psycho on me for helping to take care of her kids.

In the end he and I obviously didn't work out, but the children were not to blame. We just decided that we weren't right for each other. Everyone's entitled to their own thing, but it takes a really mature person (not just in age, but in sanity too) to accept a ready made family like that. I'm glad I even gave him the chance because he's a really great guy, a loving father, and we're still friends to this day. But still, the hardest part was trying to explain to the kids how come Auntie Sandy won't be coming by as much anymore. It's easy to cut ties with a S.O., but it's not so easy trying to cut ties with his kids.

Oh well.

phisigdragonfly · #20 01-03-2004, 06:13 PM

I am thinking maybe because by then some men (not all of them) would probably have a divorce in their life, or maybe even i will ( although i highly doubt it). The way i see it i have changed my views a lot in the past few years, in another 10 or so who knows what i may or may not think about men with kids.

Taualumna · #21 01-03-2004, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I have to laugh because several people have mentioned that if they were over 30, their opinion might be different. I am over 30, and my opinion is still (strongly) that I wouldn't date someone with kids. Those of you who wouldn't consider dating someone with kids now but might if you were over 30 -- why?

The chances of childless men who are in their mid 30s or over is much lower than those who already have kids. This, of course, also includes guys who have partial custody of their children. There's already a shortage of decent, straight guys out there, so why only choose guys without kids?

valkyrie · #22 01-03-2004, 06:34 PM

Maybe that's part of the reason I like younger guys!

I personally would only choose guys without kids because I don't want kids, period. I'd much rather be alone than have to deal with someone's kids -- I know how I want my life to be, and that doesn't involve kids in any way.

James · #23 01-03-2004, 06:41 PM

Its ok to be alone Val . . just don't get too many cats . . its spooky

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Maybe that's part of the reason I like younger guys!

I personally would only choose guys without kids because I don't want kids, period. I'd much rather be alone than have to deal with someone's kids -- I know how I want my life to be, and that doesn't involve kids in any way.

AXJules · #24 01-03-2004, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I have to laugh because several people have mentioned that if they were over 30, their opinion might be different. I am over 30, and my opinion is still (strongly) that I wouldn't date someone with kids. Those of you who wouldn't consider dating someone with kids now but might if you were over 30 -- why?

I say this because I'm only 21 years old. In my head, I'm still a baby, and in no state to have a baby. I want kids like 10 years from now.

GeekyPenguin · #25 01-03-2004, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Taualumna
The chances of childless men who are in their mid 30s or over is much lower than those who already have kids. This, of course, also includes guys who have partial custody of their children. There's already a shortage of decent, straight guys out there, so why only choose guys without kids?

Because not everybody likes children. I don't want to date a man who loves them, because that means he'll WANT them, and I don't.

honeychile · #26 01-03-2004, 08:04 PM

I think those of y'all who are in college or just out of college are somewhat wise to realize that you're not ready for the instant family. However, those of us who have been out of college for longer than I care to mention have probably already dated men with kids.

I have no problem with it, except the one comment made about 4 kids to 4 different women. A guy like that should just have his pants stapled shut.

#27 01-03-2004, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile

I have no problem with it, except the one comment made about 4 kids to 4 different women. A guy like that should just have his pants stapled shut.

Giiiiiiirl, screw the stapling. It's time for the snip, snip.

AGDee · #28 01-03-2004, 10:29 PM

Also, I don't let anybody I'm dating meet my kids. I will not ever marry again and they have a dad so there is no reason for them to get involved with someone and have to go through the breakup along with me.

People who know they do not ever want kids are doing the right thing in not dating people with them and in letting them know right away that they don't want them. Kids are a TON of work and if you really don't want them, it would make for a miserable life for everybody.

Dee

SATX*APhi · #29 01-03-2004, 10:32 PM

I want a family, but not someone else's.

_Opi_ · #30 01-04-2004, 01:50 AM

Can't be presumptious since I have never been in that situation before. I would think though that the kids have a mother, so therefore, it is not my responsibility to help raise his child/ren..so if he seems like the perfect package..a kid wouldn't hurt. Its not the child part that would concern me, its the babymama really. You know there are some obsessive babymamas out there..and I don't want no drama.

Besides, the way he interacts with his child is a good way of knowing how he would be like if you were to be married and have children of your own. If he is a good father, that is a plus for him really.