Ok your new love interest has a ready made family . . . now what?

[James]

Ok so what is your approach to dating someone with a kid(s)?

Let me give you two scenarios:

1. You see someone you are interested in that is also interested in you and pursuing . . . you find out they have a kid . . . what are you thinking? Do you give them a shot or eliminate them early?


2. You got to know someone and really like them . . they really like you . . . and then you find out baout the kid thing . . but you already really like them . . what do you do?

[PhiPsiRuss]

1. Cya

2. Cya

[absolutuscchick]

KIDS???! Ummm no ...thats a dealbreaker for me. If you don't know how to put on a condom or make sure the girl is on birth control, I'm sooo not interested. You're gone before I even get to know you.

I don't want kids of my own for many years, so if the guy already has kids, I definitely would have to say "buh-bye"

If I started to really care about someone, there is only a small possibility...that if they are the love of my life, I would let it go. But I do not want to have kids living with us. No freaking way!! :

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by James
Ok so what is your approach to dating someone with a kid(s)?

Let me give you two scenarios:

1. You see someone you are interested in that is also interested in you and pursuing . . . you find out they have a kid . . . what are you thinking? Do you give them a shot or eliminate them early?


2. You got to know someone and really like them . . they really like you . . . and then you find out baout the kid thing . . but you already really like them . . what do you do?

Right now, I'd say no to both situations. However, if this situation came up when I'm, say, 35 or over, then I may think otherwise.

[valkyrie]

I would not, under any circumstances, date a guy with a kid or kids. I never want to have kids myself, so I wouldn't want to deal with anybody else's kids and the drama that would probably go with them. I'm pretty open about not wanting kids and tend to let a guy know that early on, so if he didn't reveal to me that he had kids at that point, I'd think he's shady anyway.

[pinkyphimu]

well since i am starting to date men who are old enough to be married and divorced, i guess i would have to take it case by case. if he hid it from me, then i would think he was shady and send him packing. if he does tell me early on, i wouldn't want to rush into meeting the kids right away. i really don't want to be an insta-mom, but i need to be realistic that people get married in their early 20s...have kids and get divorced. so when they are in their 30s, it is pretty possible.

if i were still in my early 20s, i definately would run the other way.

[PM_Mama00]

Well. I got back together with my ex, after his two year relationship in which he helped raise his girlfriend's child from when she was only a few months old. The child called him daddy even tho it wasn't his.

Fun fact: he cheated on me with the mother, his ex. Bah.

Then I was involved with his best friend. Who's exgirlfriend had a child with one of their friends. That was kinda weird. OH... now he has one of his own. I feel bad for him cuz he can't really afford the child, but it hasn't really affected my "relationship" with him.

So yeah I'd date the guy if he had a kid, as long as his relationship with the mother didn't get in teh way all the time.

[astroAPhi]

If the child was well-behaved, I'd do it. If the kid is a royal brat that the guy can't handle, well, that's a pretty good indication that he's not going to be able to handle "our" kids either.

[polarpi]

In my case, it'd depend on the age of their child. While I don't feel like I'm ready right now to become an instant mother, I know that it can work out (my family is a prime example....from both my mom and my dad's remarriages, I have a total of 7 stepsiblings!) But, seeing as I'm only 23, I don't really see myself getting involved with anyone who has a child that was born while I was still in the first two years of high school, so anyone with children who are 8 years old or older would be a little uncomfortable for me to get involved with. If I was already involved with him and had already started to really like him, that could be a different decision on my part, but seeing as how I'm not really into the dating scene at all (at this point), I don't think I have anything to really be concerned about

[AXJules]

Negatory on both accounts. That means the mother is lurking somewhere in the background (as she rightfully should be) and she's never going away.


I would probably feel differently when I'm at an age when I actually want kids. Who knows.

I would - in some situations.

To me it depends on what the situation was that the child(ren) in question came about. I mean, if the guy has like 4 kids by 4 different mothers - no, thank you! But I mean... if it's just one or two that came out of a very, very serious relationship, I'd be more open to it.

[AGDee]

Here's a totally different perspective, of course, I'm divorced, 38, with a 9 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. I will only date men who have children. Only men with children understand the committment I have to my kids and only men with children understand that kids ALWAYS come first. The hard part is finding men who are on the same custody schedule... LOL. Whole new dimensions in dating. A Deal Breaker can be that we have our kids on opposite weekends!

Rachel: I think you're being harsh in your statement about condoms and birth control. I have become pregnant on the pill (but miscarried) and I have become pregnant using condoms and foam (hence the 9 year old girl). Luckily, my (now ex) husband was the daddy. I would admire a man more who had made such a mistake and stayed involved in that child's life.

While in college though, a man with a child would probably be a deal breaker, only because I wasn't ready to be a parent then.

Dee

[Sister Havana]

1. No.

2. No.

Might sound cruel, but I know I don't want kids at all, and that includes a ready-made family. And yes, like valkyrie, I let guys know that I don't want kids early on, so it's not like I'm hiding anything. It wouldn't be fair to either of us to continue with things.

[absolutuscchick]

Originally posted by AGDee
Here's a totally different perspective, of course, I'm divorced, 38, with a 9 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. I will only date men who have children. Only men with children understand the committment I have to my kids and only men with children understand that kids ALWAYS come first. The hard part is finding men who are on the same custody schedule... LOL. Whole new dimensions in dating. A Deal Breaker can be that we have our kids on opposite weekends!

Rachel: I think you're being harsh in your statement about condoms and birth control. I have become pregnant on the pill (but miscarried) and I have become pregnant using condoms and foam (hence the 9 year old girl). Luckily, my (now ex) husband was the daddy. I would admire a man more who had made such a mistake and stayed involved in that child's life.

While in college though, a man with a child would probably be a deal breaker, only because I wasn't ready to be a parent then.

Dee

Sorry!! I definitely understand what you're saying, and if that were the situation, I would probably be more lenient!!!

Hope I wasn't offensive!!

<3
Rachel

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by valkyrie
I would not, under any circumstances, date a guy with a kid or kids. I never want to have kids myself, so I wouldn't want to deal with anybody else's kids and the drama that would probably go with them. I'm pretty open about not wanting kids and tend to let a guy know that early on, so if he didn't reveal to me that he had kids at that point, I'd think he's shady anyway.

What she said.