What would you do (Part III)

Ideal08 · #1 06-11-2001, 02:50 PM

Ok, yall. I was bumming around BP, and came across this on someone's page:

I am a a 37 year old married puerto rican professional man seeking a discrete no strings attached sexual relationship with an open minded woman. I am sensual, romantic and agressive. I am 5`9, 185 lbs, brown hair, hazel eyes. Why am I looking? The facts:
I am married 13 years. 3 years ago my wife suffered from a mental breakdown that was brought about by the tragic death of her parents in a car accident 3 1/2 years ago. Due to her illness, she has reverted to the mind of an 11 year old. I take care of her and both my kids, ages 6 & 8. In her mind she us me as her father and our kids as her siblings. It has been 3 years since we have been intimate. I have remained faithful all this time in hopes that things would get better, but now I am struggling sexually. I miss the touch of a woman.

So, what would you do if this was your situation? Would you stay married to your mate and remain faithful? Or would you opt to go the same route this man did? Take some time to think about this one. Then let's have some FUN!

AKA2D '91 · #2 06-11-2001, 02:56 PM

Is it true that one cannot get a divorce if the spouse has gone "mental"? I have heard this on serveral occasions, even on TV (soap opera)

Ideal08 · #3 06-11-2001, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
Is it true that one cannot get a divorce if the spouse has gone "mental"? I have heard this on serveral occasions, even on TV (soap opera)

Wow, I didn't know that. I don't know.

But I guess in a divorce, both parties would have to be of sound mind to sign the paperwork. But I'm sure that if she has reverted back to an 11 year old (mentally), she has to have a POA (power of attorney) or a legal guardian. I wonder if it's hubby?

nikki25 · #4 06-11-2001, 03:36 PM

Ideal 08,

This is not an easy situation. I would consider the seriousness of the vow I made to my spouse upon marriage as God views all vows seriously ("in sickness and in health..forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live). Marital vows are mentioned in the Bible in the book of Numbers 30, and demonstrates the seriousness of taking them before God. If I went outside of the marriage for love and support, I'd be committing adultery with someone who I wouldn't be helping by getting involved with them (because in a cheating situation, what goes around comes around).

For my own sanity, I'd probably need to pick up more assistance with taking care of my spouse and raising the children. My spouse may regain his senses as anything is possible. I would remain prayerful and believe God for total healing of the situation.

[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited June 11, 2001).]

Poplife · #5 06-12-2001, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
Is it true that one cannot get a divorce if the spouse has gone "mental"? I have heard this on serveral occasions, even on TV (soap opera)

I'm not sure if you can do that here but I know you can in England.

In Psychology we had to watch this case study of a man who had lost the ability to remember anything. It was too sad. Everyday he thought that it was his first time doing everything...and I mean EVERYTHING. He thought it was his first time waking up, bathing, using the toilet, read a book, and seeing his wife.

His wife divorced him and I remember her crying in the video because he couldn't remember the fact that she was married to him. When they tried to tell him, he would get agitated because he believed it that was the first time he ever saw her.

Chi_ZETABBW · #6 06-12-2001, 12:28 AM

I applaud him for waiting this long. I would have broke down after the first year. If this story is true, the fact that he has remained is great. I assume she doesn't work. I wonder does she cook, clean, etc.

shida25 · #7 06-12-2001, 02:04 AM

Whoa, that's a tough one. But sex does not make a relationship, and that's the mother of his children, and I bet that if it were him in that posistion, then he'd feel differently. Remember the vows, "for richer or poorer, sickness or health!" Serously, that's a tough one.

DST Love · #8 06-12-2001, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by nikki25:
Ideal 08,

This is not an easy situation. I would consider the seriousness of the vow I made to my spouse upon marriage as God views all vows seriously ("in sickness and in health..forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live). Marital vows are mentioned in the Bible in the book of Numbers 30, and demonstrates the seriousness of taking them before God. If I went outside of the marriage for love and support, I'd be committing adultery with someone who I wouldn't be helping by getting involved with them (because in a cheating situation, what goes around comes around).

For my own sanity, I'd probably need to pick up more assistance with taking care of my spouse and raising the children. My spouse may regain his senses as anything is possible. I would remain prayerful and believe God for total healing of the situation.

[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited June 11, 2001).]

I agree!!!!

------------------
#10 Sigma (Clark Atlanta University) Spring 1999
Currently: MAL, Southern Region

AKA2D '91 · #9 06-12-2001, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Poplife:

I'm not sure if you can do that here but I know you can in England.

well this lady I worked with was telling me about her neighbor and she had supposedly gone off the "deep end". Anyway, the husband is still there, cause he cannot get a divorce in her "state of mind". He is just doing, "his own thang". So, I guess it is true over here too.

Kimmie1913 · #10 06-12-2001, 10:16 AM

If this is tue, that is a very sad situation, indeed.

Divorce law varies frm state to state in the US so what may be true in one state may not be in another. In Maryland, one of the grounds for divorce ins insanity. The ground requires that one spouse ave been confined n a psychiatric institution for three years. Without confinement you will probably run into the compentancy question. However, if the competent spouse were to make arrangements to leave the other spuse,ie arrange for care privately or through the state (not just abandon them- that nmight be neglect) and have a guardian appointed they may be able to still get the divorce after 2 years. This is just Maryland, and if I had a client in this position, the second piece would require some research.

AKA2D '91 · #11 06-12-2001, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kimmie1913:
If this is tue, that is a very sad situation, indeed.

Divorce law varies frm state to state in the US so what may be true in one state may not be in another.

That is true. This is Louisiana, and we are under the Napoleonic Codes, a whole 'nother ball game.

Kimmie1913 · #12 06-12-2001, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
That is true. This is Louisiana, and we are under the Napoleonic Codes, a whole 'nother ball game.

I know that's right! Things do get done a little different in LA.

ClassyLady · #13 06-12-2001, 10:21 PM

Woooo! This is really a tough one. I can't say what I would do

I know that I would not go outside of the marriage. I do not believe that there is any excuse for adultery.

But, I also wouldn't want a divorce. I take the vow of marriage VERY seriously. I don't know if I could honestly end my marriage when I made a vow to my husband and God that I would be with him through sickness and health til death do us part.

My heart goes out to this man because his situation is truly painful.

The woman he married is gone. Her body remains but the things about her that truly made him fall in love -- like her laugh, personal jokes they had, her personality, and everything about her -- are now gone. He may feel like the woman that he fell in love with, his wife, is dead because she will never return to be part of his life.

This is tough. I could only pray and ask the Lord to bring me through that kind of situation. He will never put more on me than I can bear. So, I would just put it all on him and know that things will work out eventually.

[This message has been edited by ClassyLady (edited June 12, 2001).]