What do you do - question for BGLO sorority members

What do you do when you think you were interested in a certain sorority and after meeting with members and started to make your interest known, you really didn't find anything in common with the members of that chapter?

I made my interest known to a particular sorority but all the members are just catty. They are very standoffish, they don't do anything for the community, and they are just not a group of women I feel I am compatible with.

Now, a friend of mine who is in a different sorority, invited me to one of their functions and my experience was the total opposite. These ladies kept it real, they were down to earth, they do for the community on the undergraduate and graduate level and they talked to me with respect - woman to woman. Not like, "I'm above you and I have something you want." So what to do? I thought my interest was one place, but now, I'm feeling so much love from the other organization and I feel more in tune with their morals and ideals.

How would you (sorority members) feel if you an individual approached you and you knew that she showed interest in one sorority but is now looking at yours? Would you welcome her or would you shun her away? What if all her qualifications and everything was in order but she just made a mistake and thought something was in her heart and it wasn't?

This is so hard for me. Don't know what to do.

[Miss Lady]

Go with your heart. Sometimes we build up expectations and others fall short of them. Such is life.
Now, I can only speak for myself, but I would not hold your feelings against you, and I surely wouldn't feel as if you thought my sorority was second rate. Unfortunatly everyone does not share my feelins.
I am sorry you had a bad experience with that sorority, (whichever one it is, I do not care to know) but I am sure every one in that particular sorority doesn't act like the few ladies you came in contact with.

[Miss Lady]

OOPS! excuse the spelling error (unfortunately)

[AKA2D '91]

We all have to realize that organizations are much BIGGER than the Sally, Jane, Mary, and Sue who are members of that particular chapter...

Why would you want to change your mind about a particular organization and go to another after you have already expressed an interest with that organinzation? That seems kind of odd to me...I would have to question YOUR intentions.

In life, we come into contact with all kinds of people. Some of those people will espouse our ideals, while others will not. Does that mean that when there are issues on the table and noone likes your opinion, will you jump ship?

I feel like, if your heart is in a particular organization, then that is what you want. And that is what you should go for. Not everyone acts or behaves the same way. What will happen if you become a member of this OTHER organization and you meet some members who act the same or worse as the ones you have mentioned? Then what?

I think you need to seriously evaluate why you want to become a member of a sorority.

[ZChi4Life]

SoulSista,

Although I am not a part of a BGLO, I do understand where you are coming from. It's kind of two sided. ON the one hand, there are some people that you just couldn't see yourself bonding w/ or doing service with or what have you. Sometimes these people are so terrible that it DOES turn you off from their particular organization. This is what happened to me. So I'm feeling you on this. People were like "well you are pledging an organization and not just this chapter". That is true, BUT you are going to have to b around these people in the chapter for how ever many years after you get in (if you get in). So that was my thing. If you honestly can't see yourself being around these group of women for however long, then I would say go w/ your heart and if you feel more comfortable w/ the women of the other sorority, then there you go...you have your answer.

Now on the flip side--Just like AKA2D 91' said, the organization IS indeed a lot bigger than the chapter in which you are seeking membership with. Although these women may be "catty", they are hopefully, only part of a handful that act this way. These women should not reflect your outlook on the WHOLE organization. We all know that every group always has a few (maybe more) bad apples. Feel me?

So the choice is indeed yours. To me, if this particular chapter of whatever org is just NOT reppin the org to the fullest (i.e. not doing service, making you feel like you are beneath them, etc) then I don't think I'd want to get involved w/ this particular chapter. But perhaps, maybe you could (should) wait until you graduate and go grad/alumnae. If the org is really in your heart, then I think you would want to either go ahead and pledge (hey, maybe they are testing you) or if their attitudes really are just that terrible, then maybe a grad/alumnae chapter will be more suitable.

Sorry this is long, but I do think you really need evaluate why you want to be in a sorority and what do you feel you will get from it, etc, etc. This is a tough decision, but as my pastor always says "just pray on it".
Good luck and I hope I helped somewhat

[Sexy Mocha]

SoulSista, I see it like this. The first thing you should do is think about your reasons for wanting to join the sorority you were originally intersted in. Was it because you REALLY felt like it was the right one for you? Did you feel you had a lot in common with the ladies of the organization as far as sharing similar goals and interests? OR were you interested for all the wrong reasons?
I personally know of a young lady who was introduced to Greek life by someone she considered a mentor who just happened to be a member of XYZ sorority. Everyone this member introduced her to was a member of XYZ and they were all biased as far as telling her how they're sorority was thee sorority to join. Her best friend, who she has been inseperable with for years, is seeking membership into XYZ sorority...all her other friends are interested in XYZ sorority. So naturally (and being a bit naieve)...this young lady decides that XYZ sorority is the one for her. She doesn't even CONSIDER researching the other BGLOs, let alone actually attending their functions so that she may find out how they operate and what they're all about. so she goes to some of XYZ functions, activities, etc. but she never really felt it was what was right for HER. It's never in her heart. She finally decides she wants to do what she feels she should do. So she finally takes the time to research ALL of the sororities. After she does this she finally finds one that she feels is right for her...one that she's right for. It is only now that she can honestly answer the infamous question "Why do you want to be a member of this sorority?" Before, when she was blindly following "the pack", she had to literally practice what her reply would be if that particular question was asked. (and it was always some rehearsed, well scripted, answer) Why? Because she had no ideawhy she wanted to be a member of XYZ!
But if you ask her now, be it morning, noon, or night, why she wants to be a member of ABC sorority...you couldn't shut her up . And her response comes from the heart now, not from something she thinks the members want to hear. And believe me, from all the smart comments and ribbing she's getting from her friends and mentor (She's mostly referred to now as "the trader" or comments are made such as "If you ever make it as a member of ABC sorority, don't come in my house wearing those colors" OR when someone asks "So, are all of you ladies trying to join XYZ sorority?" the infamous "All, but this one over here. We don't know what went wrong with her...we're still trying to work on her though. She's trying to stray, but we're hoping she comes to her senses.")... she's still not budging, her mind is made up.She's a pretty strong minded individual that has finally come into her own. So if this is similar to your reason for changing your mind, then I am feeling you sis. Now, if you were truly interested in that first sorority and you decided to pursue the next one just because the girls in that particular chapter are "catty" as you put it...then I, personally, don't think that's a good enough reason to give up something that is in your heart and you really want. I'd say stick to it. Don't let the actions of a few individuals let you lose focus on the sorority as a whole. Like AKA2D'91 mentioned, there could very well be ladies in the other sorority that act just as "catty" or even worse. Then what will you do? Try the next one? See the point? I think if you really pray on it, you will be shown what's best for you...maybe it's XYZ sorority, maybe it's ABC sorority, maybe it's sorority QRS...God will help steer you in the right direction girl!

[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited September 13, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited September 13, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited September 13, 2000).]

[mizzkes]

First and foremost, I am not a member of an organization. I would just like to piggyback off of everyone else's comments and say that you should reevaluate your reasons for wanting to join. Then too, I always think about it like this. If there is a fault within the particular chapter, just tell yourself that you will work to improve that if you are offered membership. Rather than saying "Oh, I don't want to be in XYZ sorority because they did such and such to me" you should be saying "If (When) I become a member of XYZ, I will make sure I don't treat interests the way they are treating me now." Do you see what I am saying?
Also, think about it. You are joining a national or international organization, not just that chapter. Also consider the fact that you will not be exposed to that particular chapter for any longer than 4 years. After graduation hopefully you will join an Alumni chapter. So, I guess you have to weigh your options.

[Finer Woman10-A-91]

Unless, you have begun the process of becoming a member, I don't see the big deal. You made a faux pas...YOU LACKED DISCRETION. And now you have to deal with the repercussions.

However, you are not the first person to THINK a particular Sorority is for you, but upon closer examination it appears you don't feel connected for fundamental reasons. I agree with my Sister greeks that a few members do not necessarily represent the total organization...but they are a reflection.

I do believe the real argument is are you making an informed decision? I encourage all woman seeking sorority membership to check out all of the organizations and then make a decision.

Afterall, not every young lady can or should be a Finer Woman of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated.

Originally posted by SoulSista:
What do you do when you think you were interested in a certain sorority and after meeting with members and started to make your interest known, you really didn't find anything in common with the members of that chapter?

I made my interest known to a particular sorority but all the members are just catty. They are very standoffish, they don't do anything for the community, and they are just not a group of women I feel I am compatible with.

Now, a friend of mine who is in a different sorority, invited me to one of their functions and my experience was the total opposite. These ladies kept it real, they were down to earth, they do for the community on the undergraduate and graduate level and they talked to me with respect - woman to woman. Not like, "I'm above you and I have something you want." So what to do? I thought my interest was one place, but now, I'm feeling so much love from the other organization and I feel more in tune with their morals and ideals.

How would you (sorority members) feel if you an individual approached you and you knew that she showed interest in one sorority but is now looking at yours? Would you welcome her or would you shun her away? What if all her qualifications and everything was in order but she just made a mistake and thought something was in her heart and it wasn't?

This is so hard for me. Don't know what to do.

------------------
Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated...Every Finer Woman's Dream!

[This message has been edited by Finer Woman10-A-91 (edited September 15, 2000).]

[PrettyKitty]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
[b]SoulSista, I see it like this. The first thing you should do is think about your reasons for wanting to join the sorority you were originally intersted in. Was it because you REALLY felt like it was the right one for you? Did you feel you had a lot in common with the ladies of the organization as far as sharing similar goals and interests? OR were you interested for all the wrong reasons?
I personally know of a young lady who was introduced to Greek life by someone she considered a mentor who just happened to be a member of XYZ sorority. Everyone this member introduced her to was a member of XYZ and they were all biased as far as telling her how they're sorority was thee sorority to join. Her best friend, who she has been inseperable with for years, is seeking membership into XYZ sorority...all her other friends are interested in XYZ sorority. So naturally (and being a bit naieve)...this young lady decides that XYZ sorority is the one for her. She doesn't even CONSIDER researching the other BGLOs, let alone actually attending their functions so that she may find out how they operate and what they're all about. so she goes to some of XYZ functions, activities, etc. but she never really felt it was what was right for HER. It's never in her heart. She finally decides she wants to do what she feels she should do. So she finally takes the time to research ALL of the sororities. After she does this she finally finds one that she feels is right for her...one that she's right for. It is only now that she can honestly answer the infamous question "Why do you want to be a member of this sorority?" Before, when she was blindly following "the pack", she had to literally practice what her reply would be if that particular question was asked. (and it was always some rehearsed, well scripted, answer) Why? Because she had no ideawhy she wanted to be a member of XYZ!
But if you ask her now, be it morning, noon, or night, why she wants to be a member of ABC sorority...you couldn't shut her up . And her response comes from the heart now, not from something she thinks the members want to hear. And believe me, from all the smart comments and ribbing she's getting from her friends and mentor (She's mostly referred to now as "the trader" or comments are made such as "If you ever make it as a member of ABC sorority, don't come in my house wearing those colors" OR when someone asks "So, are all of you ladies trying to join XYZ sorority?" the infamous "All, but this one over here. We don't know what went wrong with her...we're still trying to work on her though. She's trying to stray, but we're hoping she comes to her senses.")... she's still not budging, her mind is made up.She's a pretty strong minded individual that has finally come into her own. So if this is similar to your reason for changing your mind, then I am feeling you sis. Now, if you were truly interested in that first sorority and you decided to pursue the next one just because the girls in that particular chapter are "catty" as you put it...then I, personally, don't think that's a good enough reason to give up something that is in your heart and you really want. I'd say stick to it. Don't let the actions of a few individuals let you lose focus on the sorority as a whole. Like AKA2D'91 mentioned, there could very well be ladies in the other sorority that act just as "catty" or even worse. Then what will you do? Try the next one? See the point? I think if you really pray on it, you will be shown what's best for you...maybe it's XYZ sorority, maybe it's ABC sorority, maybe it's sorority QRS...God will help steer you in the right direction girl!

Sexy Mocha I agree with you. I personally had no idea which Sorority I wanted to become a part of when I stepped on my yard. I, however, carefully looked at each one and only one stood out to me, not because it was the "popular" choice but because when I did a point by point comparison this Sorority won hands down. So, I chose the BEST and could not be happier with my selection.

------------------
The Epitome of Style and Grace, Always Exemplifying Good Taste, A Zeta Woman, A Finer Woman, That's Me!

[This message has been edited by PrettyKitty (edited September 14, 2000).]

[PrettyKitty]

Originally posted by PrettyKitty:
Sexy Mocha I agree with you. I personally had no idea which Sorority I wanted to become a part of when I stepped on my yard. I, however, carefully looked at each one and only one stood out to me, not because it was the "popular" choice but because when I did a point by point comparison this Sorority won hands down. So, I chose the BEST and could not be happier with my selection.

Let me also say that I was advised by an SGRho to look at the members of the chapter because they were going to be the people I was going to be spending most of my time with and if I didn't care for any of them, it could make the greek experience I had while I was on the yard a miserable.

Needless to say, her advice did factor into to my choice.

------------------
The Epitome of Beauty, Style, and Grace, Always Exemplifying Good Taste, A Zeta Woman, A Finer Woman, That's Me!

[PrettyKitty]

Originally posted by PrettyKitty:
Sexy Mocha I agree with you. I personally had no idea which Sorority I wanted to become a part of when I stepped on my yard. I, however, carefully looked at each one and only one stood out to me, not because it was the "popular" choice but because when I did a point by point comparison this Sorority won hands down. So, I chose the BEST and could not be happier with my selection.

Let me also say that I was advised by an SGRho to look at the members of the chapter because they were going to be the people I was going to be spending most of my time with and if I didn't care for any of them, it could make the greek experience I had while I was on the yard a miserable one.

Needless to say, her advice did factor into to my choice.

------------------
The Epitome of Beauty, Style, and Grace, Always Exemplifying Good Taste, A Zeta Woman, A Finer Woman, That's Me!

[This message has been edited by PrettyKitty (edited September 14, 2000).]

[akirakay]

I agree with PrettyKitty. I am not a member,but when you think about ALL the time you will be spending with the members you must feel like you are respect. Maybe she jumped the gun a little, but she has a valid point. I hope everything works out...

Listen girlfriend,

What you did is perfectly normal! Before choosing a sorority, you are supposed to shop around. And, sometimes, you may think you have found the right one. But, it's okay to change your mind. Just be glad you didn't realize it wasn't what you wanted AFTER joining!
If you want to change you mind and go with another organization, go ahead!

[Crimson Diva]

I can't see choosing a sorority based on the few members on the campus. You choose based on the organization as a whole. After all, when you leave college you are tied to the national organization and not the chapter you came in at. Take a deeper look and do think about whether these girls would embrace you if you became a member (I am sure they would). If the answer is no, tnen remember that ther is more than one way into a organization, especially an NPHC sorority.

[mccoyred]

I would like to show you what would be in my mind if I was a member of XYZ sorority (the first one you wanted to join) or ABC sorority (the one you are now intersted in.

XYZ: Well, I guess XYZ isn't really in her heart. The last thing we need is someone who is in it for the wrong reasons because they may drop line (depledge), not act sisterly (start trouble) or become inactive. After all, everyone is not meant to be an XYZ.

ABC: Well, it appears we are her second choice. ABC needs to be in her heart. However, she is trying to break away from the crowd and be her own person. We will have to be very hard on her IF we decide to invite her to membership. After all, we don't need rejects.

Just some brief thoughts....

------------------
mccoyred

Dynamic
Salient
Temperate