Constructive Criticism & Advice vs. Being Rude

[AKA_Monet]

Okay lastpoetinsite-

You want to know the real reason why I get nasty with some girls that post on a board for Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc? And I can only speak for myself. Because it is easy. Maybe I am testing. Maybe I want to see their valued self worth. Maybe I want to "yank" their chain. Whatever the reason, I want to "probe" deeper into the recesses of their mind to see where they are coming from or what is really going on in there. I think we stay on this nice and fluffy surface and I choose not to live my life that way. There are some people I will never do that to. There are others that walk into it.

Usually, what sets me off is when a person bashes my Sorority, or any HBGLO sorority. Or when there are issues that come to race and racism. Or when some of the college students are having trouble defending themselves--I feel compelled to step in on their behalf because I am a lot older. Most of the time, I make jokes. However, when I have to put a person in check or as my college kids say, "holla" then I take it on. It's my choice. I can always drop out because I'm really not getting paid for my advice...

Other times, when I "push buttons" I want to really learn what's really going on. I ask, "Who is this person that is coming up in here wrecking havoc?" And personally, I didn't have a problem with chicky, VS (eh, it may be a man Soror AKAtude ). I have yet to care what some say. It doesn't pay my light bill... Sometimes, the hard, rude and ugly questions and responses have to be made. C'est la vie.

I can tell you this. And this is not even close to a joke. If you were to decide to pursue graduate school for a Ph.D., especially in science, the professors, even your major professor WILL be ugly toward you. I don't care how good you are. Just about everyone I know who has gone thru a Ph.D. program has lamented on it's difficulty. That is why there are so few people with Ph.D.'s And I havta admit, pledging Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. helped me sooooo much to understand that aspect. Moreover, my big sister couldn't have said it clearer, "I wish I could pledge again, that was the easy part."

And when a girl decides to bash my Sorority, I guess it hurts a lot of us because of the fond memories we had as undergraduates. ('Cuz most of the bashing comes from undergraduate interests). It hurts us that someone would think so little of my Sorority and say such ugly things no matter how they qualify it, e.g. "I know this is not the whole sorority, but..." These bashers are still talking about my Sorors. I made a pledge to ALL Sorors and I have to uphold it and I take my sisterhood vows skeriously. Yes, I love my Pink and Green and my pearls!!! And it is beyond me that one does not respect that, skeriously. So, that's why I come right back, remove all the BS and go for the jugular--to either squash it or to see what the mentality is... That's just me.

[Little32]

What I mean by acceptable, is that perhaps what you perceive as attitude isn't. In the same way that we misinterpret the tone of some of the members posts, perhaps you all sometimes misinterpret the tone of ours. Also, you say that all members are different. So what seems offensive to one, is not necessarily going to be offensive to another. I have actually seen conversations to that affect; for instance, whether it is appropriate for a non member to purchase 'nalia. Some members don't care about it, while others would have a problem. The same could be said for what types of conversations certain members approve of. Some might be a bit more liberal. (I am not saying this would be the situation every time, but it could possibly be the situation.)

[lastpoetnsite]

much respect...

precisely you cannot read someones tone. but in just what you said i could misconstrue it as being rude. but i'm not. i am hoping that you are asking me the point of my thread not to be rude...but as if you are really interested.

i am merely asking what is the difference in being rude and giving constructive criticism? and if there is a difference do members and non-members know or even care about the differences.

and while i know that i am on the outside looking in...i have showed some posts that i thought were rude to members and asked...whether it was just me and they agreed that it wasn't just me being oversensitive to rudeness.

also i emailed you in regards to the guidelines of how long a post should be. if you could get back to me i would appreciate it.

peace

[This message has been edited by lastpoetnsite (edited May 15, 2001).]

[Conskeeted19]

If our comments ruffle any feathers, well, THEY just might oughta think about remaining NUNPHINUN!


Sorors, yall just crack me up!

Dang AKA2D91, I wish I could do all DEM smiley THANGS!

------------------
You are the master of your own destiny!

[This message has been edited by Conskeeted19 (edited May 16, 2001).]

[AKAtude]

There are no guidelines for how long a post should or shouldn't be. I've just noticed that your posts tend to be a bit lenghty.

The difference between being rude and constructive criticism depends on how you take it. Some people who ask questions are either bold or simply ignorant. Sometimes we make every attempt to be as polite as possible.

However, when you get someone that tries to ask the same question a dozen different ways thinking they will get a different answer or more information, it becomes annoying. Therefore, IMO you have to just "break it down" to them. If they or someone else sees that as being rude, then so be it. We are not obligated to give any information. Too often people think they are entitled to know.

Then, there are those people who are just sensitive. If you ask a question, then you run the risk of putting yourself out there. You can't read the tone in which the reply is meant, and sometimes things are taken the wrong way which causes the the person to become defensive.

Take Soror DG's post from yesterday regarding grammatical errors. I thought it was cute, but not everyone took it that way. They thought she was being "rude" or trying to "single them out". She was only trying to offer advice and be helpful. I think Ms_Thang has seen that and now understands the intent. It was simply what she perceived.

[lastpoetnsite]

much respect...

i will try in the future to make sure my posts are too long. thank you for the heads up.

i agree with everything you said. those who continue to ask and ask when the answer is given need a heads up...and sometimes its not always nice.

but we must also remember that as adults there are ways that we must talk to each other...rudeness on both ends of the spectrum is both unnecessary and ignorant...i'm sure you would agree.

peace

[AKAtude]

That I agree with.

[Southern Cook]

As a sisterfriend, I can honestly say that no one EVER said joining Alpha Kappa Alpha would be easy. It definitely hasn't been easy for me or any of the other young ladies I know. So, for those of you SFs who can't take a few bumps, bruises, hurtful comments or words, then maybe you should try something else or it isn't your time. I tire of seeing all of the whining and crying that sometimes comes from sisterfriends on this board. Either throw a pity party and lick your wounds or suck it up and move on! There are those of us who know that for something you REALLY want, you have to toughen your exterior because you're sure to come out with a few scratches.

"What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger."

SC

P.S. My tone is one of absolute disbelief because I've held my peace for as long as I could while listening to ladies of the organization repeat the same thing.

[AKAtude]

Originally posted by Southern Cook:
As a sisterfriend, I can honestly say that no one EVER said joining Alpha Kappa Alpha would be easy. It definitely hasn't been easy for me or any of the other young ladies I know. So, for those of you SFs who can't take a few bumps, bruises, hurtful comments or words, then maybe you should try something else or it isn't your time. I tire of seeing all of the whining and crying that sometimes comes from sisterfriends on this board. Either throw a pity party and lick your wounds or suck it up and move on! There are those of us who know that for something you REALLY want, you have to toughen your exterior because you're sure to come out with a few scratches.

"What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger."

SC

P.S. My tone is one of absolute disbelief because I've held my peace for as long as I could while listening to ladies of the organization repeat the same thing.

That's right! Swallow those tears!

[lastpoetnsite]

much respect...

moderators now the above post from NYMinute is one that i can safely say should have been left up to an email. although my email is not listed here. if NYMinute had really read my webpage it is clearly listed there.

You are an interest NYMinute and I am not. But if I was a member you would be the first person that I would not want to call a sister. You just made some grave and widespread assumptions about me/my personality/intention and what not. I will not make any assumptions about you. Only to say if you are really interested in a discussion then you can feel free to email me.

To others: regardless of what seems to be insinuated by NYMinute's post. i am not here to divide only to discuss various topics.

Peace

[AKAtude]

NYMinute, at first I thought what you were thinking (refer back to my first post in this thread). However, Lastpoet has brought up some good points (including those from other threads).

I think the question she has posed to sisterfriends is legitimate. I was going to refrain from answering the question until others have had the chance to respond, but I guess I will do it now.

Although it hasn't happened in quite a while, I'v noticed that some sisterfriends will jump on the bandwagon and criticsize a fellow sisterfriend. I said in another thread regarding the GPA issue that I wouldn't want a LS like that. If all of you are truly interested in achieving the same goal, then help one another along the way.

If you have something critical to say, share it in an e-mail. If a sisterfriend is in your opinion "whining" or "complaining", gently let them know or leave it for a soror to do.

[BrandNubian]

Originally posted by NYMinute:
Hello Everyone,

Though this is a public forum, my comments are directed at lastpoetinsite.

I am curious as to why you go through such pains to post such elaborate rhetoric. I visited your home page and quite frankly, it seems to me that you are one of those people who incite controversy, then turn around and accuse people of bashing you. It also seems that you have alot of emotional demons going on. I would shudder to think that the people who post on this message board are not compassionate and caring, but I sincerely doubt that you are going to find the self-acceptance you seem so desparately to need here in this forum. I am intelligent enough to enjoy good intellectual fodder, but posting on this message board, in my opinion does not fall into that category. Most of the topic discussed here are light-hearted, general and sometimes superficial.
That is not to say that the AKA's on this board are not intellectuals, quite the contrary, but I just wanna know---what is your point?
On one hand I am sympathetic to you because of your obvious discomfort with yourself, but on the other hand, I am somewhat annoyed by your dogma.
I am not a member of a BGLO, but I AM an interestee. I read this board and post occasionally because I enjoy the comraderie, but recently the fun has been syphened by top-heavy issues that seem out of place in a board dedicated to GLO's.
Sincerely,
NYMinute.

NYMinute...

With all due respect, I don't think the fun has been siphoned out of the boards at all. I think it gives the forums a nice balance to have "fun" topics and "serious" ones. I, for one, enjoy reading some of the interesting questions and scenarios posted here, whether they are posted by lastpoetnsite or by anyone else, for that matter. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little intellectual stimulation.

In addition, I think that you're making a lot of negative and unfounded assumptions about lastpoetnsite based upon information you read on her website and here on the forums.

Lastly, yes, this is a public forum, one where folks are free to voice their opinions, but I think that your comments to lastpoetnsite could have been communicated through private email. No need to insult/bash anyone on post. That just creates unnecessary drama.

[NYMinute]

Thank you everyone for your responses to my post.

[ENDROAD]

:ROLLEYES: LASTPOET, I THINK YOUR PRETTY SMART AND ALL BUT YOU KEEP SAYING YOU DON'T WANT TO BE AN AKA, SO WHY ARE YOU SOOOO CONCERNED WITH WHAT MEMBERS AND THOSE INTERESTED ARE DOING. YOU SEEM LIKE A BEE IN A BONNET JUST TRYING REALLY HARD TO STIR UP SOMETHING. I COMMEND ALL THE YOUNG LADIES ON THIS FORUM, MEMBERFRIENDS AND SISTERFRIENDS FOR NOT INDULGING IN YOUR MESS, BUT I JUST HAVE TO BE HONEST WHEN I SAY YOU ARE STARTING TO WORK MY NERVES, NO DISRESPECT INTENDED , I AM JUST BEING HONEST :ROLLEYES:

[ENDROAD]