Family Loans

BabyBlue91 · #1 04-04-2003, 06:12 PM

Hello All:

Rather than dish all my family's dirt, I'll get to the nitty-gritty: my relative, who knows I am getting married this year, called me this morning asking for money to pay a long-overdue bill. If I give/lend it to him and am not repaid, my fiance and I will have to cut 30 people from our guest list. We only have about 110 people to begin with; the 10 or so relatives on the list from afar probably won't make it because it's a Friday; and we've signed a contract to pay for 70 plates no matter what!

Oh, I will only say that Family Member's financial track record is not the greatest.

My options seem to be one of the following:

a. Give the $1,500 and expect no repayment
b. Provide the money with documentation that it is a LOAN
c. Give a smaller amount I can afford to lose
d. Tell Family Member he's on his own!

If anyone has another suggestion, I'm all ears! Thanks!

mZ 2sanctiPHIed · #2 04-04-2003, 06:44 PM

Soror, as family oriented as I am and depending on what the money is for (like I wouldn't want him to lose his house or car), I would have to tell him that that money has already been obligated. Maybe you can help him out with a smaller sum and then he can make it up elsewhere.

Eclipse · #3 04-04-2003, 06:54 PM

No advice, but someone once told me "Never lend money to family/friends that you can't afford to lose."

$1500 is a lot of money though!!

Im_just_me · #4 04-05-2003, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BabyBlue91
My options seem to be one of the following:

a. Give the $1,500 and expect no repayment
b. Provide the money with documentation that it is a LOAN
c. Give a smaller amount I can afford to lose
d. Tell Family Member he's on his own!

I think that if you truly want to help this family member, give him/her what you can afford to give them. You are getting married and you need to save all the money you can.

SWASS · #5 04-05-2003, 11:10 AM

a rule to live by...whether it is family, friend, soror...whomever....

Never give money to anyone unless you can afford for it NOT to be paid back. If you have to look at is as a loan to be repaid, don't loan it. It will cause you and the borrower alot of pain, headache and eventually lose of love or the friendship. If you truely don't have the money to give, tell them the truth and don't give in to the false guilt of not being able to help.

TRSimon · #6 04-05-2003, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SWASS
a rule to live by...whether it is family, friend, soror...whomever....

Never give money to anyone unless you can afford for it NOT to be paid back.

I heard that, Lady Swass (you sure sound like someone I know

)...There is NOTHING wrong with having the money dedicated to other sources, especially since it is something as important as your wedding.

Congratulations, and best wishes for a happy wedding, babyblue!

Eclipse · #7 04-10-2003, 06:29 PM

TTT

What did you decide to do? Inquiring minds want to know! LOL

Blue_Passion_01 · #8 04-10-2003, 10:14 PM

I am in your same situation. I am getting married soon and my family is asking for money as well. Your money already have been sanctioned for your wedding. Do not compromise your special day for something that may not be payed back.

BabyBlue91 · #9 04-11-2003, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eclipse
TTT

What did you decide to do? Inquiring minds want to know! LOL

Well, I decided to offer Family Member a third of what he had requested -- I'm willing to take a gamble that 10 people won't come to the wedding. Instead of accepting this offer with grace and contrition, his immediate response was to try to get me to increase this amount by 50 percent (to half of what he originally asked for)! I told him that would be very difficult. So as of now, no money has exchanged hands. For obvious reasons, my fiance is not feeling Family Member.

FeeFee · #10 04-11-2003, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BabyBlue91
Well, I decided to offer Family Member a third of what he had requested -- I'm willing to take a gamble that 10 people won't come to the wedding. Instead of accepting this offer with grace and contrition, his immediate response was to try to get me to increase this amount by 50 percent (to half of what he originally asked for)! I told him that would be very difficult. So as of now, no money has exchanged hands. For obvious reasons, my fiance is not feeling Family Member.

See, that's the reason why sometimes it doesn't pay to be nice to your kin folk. The nerve of him asking for more than what you are able to give. He should understand that you are saving money for what should be the most important day of your life. If he can't understand your plight, then you should reconsider loaning the money to him.

BTW - are you the only person he asked or did he try to borrow money from other family members as well??

BabyBlue91 · #11 04-11-2003, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FeeFee
See, that's the reason why sometimes it doesn't pay to be nice to your kin folk. The nerve of him asking for more than what you are able to give. He should understand that you are saving money for what should be the most important day of your life. If he can't understand your plight, then you should reconsider loaning the money to him.

BTW - are you the only person he asked or did he try to borrow money from other family members as well??

As far as I know, he has asked another Relative (female) to help, since she is technically an owner of the property as well (the money is needed for WAY back-due property taxes). Relative has two sons, the older of whom is starting ninth grade at a private school in September -- and I am presuming that to hold his place, they have already had to make some type of deposit.

From what I've been told, Relative has asked a Friend to loan Family Member the money. But Friend has asked (quite reasonably) when to expect repayment. Relative and Friend have been known each other for years, and I would hate to see Family Member's failure to take care of business ruin their friendship.

If I find out that he's called my 74-year-old grandmother begging, I'm putting my foot up his butt!

Eclipse · #12 04-11-2003, 07:37 PM

Sounds like he was looking for a handout, not a hand, to misquote the UNCF. Some folks will nevah evah be grateful and will think that if you don't give your last to them you are selfish, etc.

I have a 40 something year old cousin like that who is currently not speaking to his mother because she told him that if he could not contribute to the expenses of the household he would have to leave. Mind you, his mother (my aunt) is taking care of HIS 13 year old daughter, he lives with her as well, works full time and feels like he has done something if he brings a galllon of milk in the house

BabyBlue91 · #13 04-13-2003, 06:21 PM

Well, girls, I may have to renege on that $500. This weekend I found my gown, and it is to die for! He should have grabbed it while it was on the table!

TRSimon · #14 04-14-2003, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BabyBlue91
Well, girls, I may have to renege on that $500. This weekend I found my gown, and it is to die for! He should have grabbed it while it was on the table!

Gyrl7 · #15 04-14-2003, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BabyBlue91
Well, girls, I may have to renege on that $500. This weekend I found my gown, and it is to die for! He should have grabbed it while it was on the table!

Girl I don't blame you, maybe it's a blessing that he didn't take the money then because if so would you have been able to pay for your gown???

And is this relative amongst the 10 people cut from your invite list???

Also, when you are getting married, from what I have learned EVERY dime counts........there is not one dollar that can't be used for something, even if it's last minute items.

$1,500 is at least the reception hall or at least half of it.......

I personally think it is inconsiderate to ask people who are very close to their wedding date for money.....

Best wishes to you and yours............