Non-greek Friends

fsu24DZ · #1 01-01-2003, 10:02 PM

Might be a kinda stupid subject....but!! I was wondering if anyone else had a problem staying close to their non-greek friends that you had before you rushed? IF so how did you prove to them that you hadn't changed..or didn't you have to? I've been having problems with one of my best friends for a long time..and things keep getting worse and worse.. Just wondered if anyone had some tips or stories~

**B**

Sistermadly · #2 01-01-2003, 10:19 PM

I've never had this exact experience, but similar things happen when friends get married. Your friend is probably just worried that you're going to change, and maybe outgrow your friendship with her now that you're a DZ. The best thing to do in cases like this is to reassure your friend that you'll always be there for her, that yes, you're busier now that you're a DZ, but that your friendship with her is every bit as important as the friendships you've made in DZ.

Of course, if the friendship has really run its course and there's no way it can be saved, maybe it's time to just step away and file it under "fond memories".

Best of luck with whatever you decide!

HeavenslilAngel · #3 01-01-2003, 10:43 PM

My advice would be to spend as much time asd possible with her. I have several non greek close friends a few think my ASA activity is stupid but when I'm not studying or spendiing time with my sisters, i go hang out with them so I don't have any problems just balance your time really well between school DZ, friends and if you work then your job as well. Thats my advice just spend as much time with her as possible and possibly see if shes interested in greek life then maybe she'll join a sorority and she'll understand and have the best time of her life.

fsu24DZ · #4 01-01-2003, 10:50 PM

I have tried to hang out w/ her as much as possible! Which is quite a lot, but it's like she has it stuck in her head ... that i'm not the same since i have DZ in my life~ She did want to rush w/ me..but didn't have the grades, so she wasn't able to and still doesn't! So..I dont know..but Thanx for the Advice.. i really do appreciate it!

33girl · #5 01-01-2003, 11:12 PM

If you are making all the gestures, setting apart time to do things with her and staying interested in her life...well, if that isn't enough for her, then phooey on her. Sometimes when people fail, the only way they can keep up their self-esteem is to degrade everything & everyone associated with the thing they failed at. Of course you are going to change, but so is she...you both should change...that's what growing up is about.

If your Greek status is so hard for her to deal with that she can't maintain a friendship, it will be hard, but move on. Everyone has times with their friends where they are up & their friend is down. If you can only be friends with someone if they're at the same place you are, it's not really friendship.

justhey76 · #6 01-01-2003, 11:47 PM

i have a couple nongreek freinds and have had a lot of trouble recently with a couple of them. one day we were talking, and one asked me what i was doing for new years, and i simply stated that i was probably going to go to a party that one of my sisters is having, and he says, "that greek bullshit is so stupid"!!!! I was like what? and then he asks me all about my sorority, as im trying DESPARATELY to defend greeks, and he says that my sorority must be "really shitty" because there are only like a couple chapters in "all of the huge state of texas". we continue on like this for quite a while until i tell him, listen i support you in everything you do, so why cant you do the same for me? and he gets all defensive. anyways, most of my non greek friends have the same attitude, and it makes me mad because all of them openly admitt that i havent changed since i became greek. i dont get it!!!!!

Kevin · #7 01-01-2003, 11:54 PM

Honestly it's no problem at all. My friends have their own opinions of fraternities in general. I don't let that bother me. In truth I'd say there has been little or no effect on any friendships that I had previously. I've made so many more through my affiliation though.

fsu24DZ · #8 01-02-2003, 12:02 AM

You are riht to somewhat of an extent! but, Girls are much different than guys......maybe it's that guys are more excepting to change really not sure! But I do see your side and apreciate your input

*B*

AlphaGamGirlAY · #9 01-02-2003, 12:05 AM

I didn't really hang out much w/ my non Greek friends before Rush anyway, so we're still cool. I did chill with people on my floor in their rooms once in a while and I did a grand total of 3 fun things w/ ppl from my floor. Due to an incident, I don't regard my floor as my friends anymore and I have to watch my back while I'm on my floor (off it, no problem...no one on the other floors cares that I wear Greek letters but to my floor, it's a problem for some reason). I am the only Greek on my floor and there have been rumors spread about me (and of course denied by the guilty party) that actually have gotten me in trouble with the RA because she believes the rumors b/c her friends started them! Needless to say, I'm often not in my room and if I am, I'm in my own little world. But my friends who are non Greeks, we'll eat in the dining commons sometimes. My Greek status has no affect my real friends because they don't buy into the stereotypes like my "not so real friends" do.

DaffyKD · #10 01-02-2003, 01:17 AM

Part of the problem may be that you really are changing. You are not the same person you were in high school and who wants to be? The house probably has nothing to do with the changes and they would have taken place whether you had pledged or not. You are just in a different place in your life. Your friend probably has also changed and instead of looking at what is happening as something natural and a relationship that needs some adjustment as you make life changes, it is FAR easier to blame the house.

Try to stay friends, and hopefully in time, you will both see how much you have both grown and it will strengthen the relationship rather than tear it apart

DaffyKD

DGTracy · #11 01-02-2003, 02:09 AM

I'm not friends with my non-greek friends anymore. I don't know, they just started to kind of annoy me. I was doing nothing but complaining about them to my parents, like rediculously. I think once I joined DG I just started to change, I have new friends. I don't know, I feel bad but hey what are you doing to do. Things just change.

bgsugirlie · #12 01-02-2003, 02:30 AM

I think everyone who joins a sorority changes...sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad...however, they change.

BUT...life is full of change, and I think if people understand that people change and friendships change, it's possible to remain friends, maybe even closer friends.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I joined DZ my freshman year during fromal recruitment...but my two best friends from highschool decided that the sorority thing just wasn't for them and decided not to rush. And to be honest, at first there was a strain on the friendship. They told me that I changed, and it wasn't a bad thing, it just happens. I think if you try to introduce your non-greek friends to your sisters, that might help. I also think it's important to make time for your old friends...you know that saying....make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver the ther is gold.......I think it's true.

It will work out. Giving those things some time, and making a conscious effort to stay friends (if that is what you truly want) will help it all unfold and it will turn out fine.

As for me, my two best friends from highschool are still two of my closest friends in the whole entire world. I spend time with my sisters, I spend time with my non-greek friends....and I'm sure it will work out that way for you too. The most rewarding things in life take a little bit of effort. Just do your part to make the friendship work, and if it's one of those true blue friendships you guys will stay close!

Munchkin03 · #13 01-02-2003, 02:34 AM

My non-Greek friends (and boyfriend) are probably better friends to me than my Greek friends. I think a lot of it's based on similar interests--academically, politically, socially, and economically, I just have a hell of a lot more in common with my non-Greek friends. Our value systems are more similar, and I end up clashing with the majority of the girls in my house. Oh well.

Getting back to the point--I had a friend who was really upset about my decision to rush, to the extent that she didn't realize I was in the house until the next semester!

But, once she realized that we were still tight, things got better. It might just take time.

mmcat · #14 01-02-2003, 08:53 AM

patience and time are generally the most important elements when you have a change introduced. give it a good effort and see what happens.

Blue Violet · #15 01-02-2003, 10:47 AM

IT's interesting too that all my guy friends are greek but hardly any of them have greek girlfriends or wives. I am one of like two or three women that are greek, the rest were in never in the system.People are people.