What advice would you give this mother? *Warning sexual content*

The1calledTKE · #1 10-09-2002, 05:41 PM

http://www.thestranger.com/2002-10-03/savage.html

Rio_Kohitsuji · #2 10-09-2002, 06:36 PM

Umm..umm...well..at least she can't get pregnant from it..

Kevin · #3 10-09-2002, 06:42 PM

That'd be a tough thing to have to deal with as a parent. Poor girl probably has some kind of complex now...

valkyrie · #4 10-09-2002, 07:36 PM

I have to say that I pretty much agree with the advice given in the column. Really, what teenager doesn't do that sort of thing? There was absolutely no reason for the mother to throw out her stuff, either. That's just silly.

KappaKittyCat · #5 10-09-2002, 07:46 PM

I love Dan Savage! I usually agree with him, and this time I do 100%. I can understand why the father didn't want to deal with this issue-- that's more of a mother/daughter topic. But it is not immoral or bad parenting for this mother to have a vibrator and/or dildo. It's a little wrong for the daughter to have used her mother's, but she probably doesn't know any better, much less think that her mom actually uses it. I know that when I was 14 I found all sorts of stuff in my parents' drawers that even now I shudder to think about, and I still insist that my folks don't have sex.

Point being... that's going to be one heavily repressed girl if they don't do something about it right now. Her dad should talk to her about it too, because I imagine that it's eating him up inside and he probably has trouble looking at her.

Also... I doubt she was doing this in the living room. My bet is that she was in her bedroom, probably with the door closed (even if nobody was home). If the door was closed, they should have knocked before coming in for that very reason.

juniorgrrl · #6 10-09-2002, 08:26 PM

I like the mom's "do as I say, not as I do" attitude about all of this.

The way she talks about her closet being "off limits" sounds kinda sketchy too. The secrecy of it all probably just piqued the kid's curiosity. She's just making it worse by keeping the whole thing shrouded in secrecy.

If the mom is so concerned about the amorality of it all - why does she have all the sex toys?

It also sounds like this is a step-parent relationship - notice the mom says "My husband" not "her father." Sounds like some other issues going on there - "your kid is a filthy perv and I can't deal with it..."

sororitygirl2 · #7 10-09-2002, 08:32 PM

Well, I think everyone is entitled to privacy so I understand the mom being mad that her daughter was snooping in her stuff. And, I think the girl should remain grounded because that was breaking a rule.

However, I think the mom needs to make it clear that the punishment is not a repercussion of the girl's curiosity. She needs to let her know that sexuality is natural, and either give her the talk about the birds and the bees or the Web address for Greekchat... I'm sure she'd learn A LOT here!

Hootie · #8 10-09-2002, 11:10 PM

I dunno. I never found my parent's toys and nor would I have used them. I don't remember being overly sexual frustrated when I was a teenager. Then again I waited til I was almost 20 to have sex.

I tend to agree with the article, but I don't know that I'd go as far as to give her her own dildo. I agree about the lock on the door...but hey, it's everyone's call about the dildo.

Personally I would have sat her down and explained things a little more. And the father shouldn't be embarassed. He's showing his daughter that she can not be a sexual being. He should instead sit her down alone and just casually talk about it. He doesn't have to lecture her, but maybe let her know it's OKAY. That guys do it too.

I dunno, this is a tough one!

Hootie

Optimist Prime · #9 10-09-2002, 11:58 PM

better finding that than the neighbor kid or the family dog

aephi alum · #10 10-10-2002, 08:50 AM

Hmm. I agree with some of the advice in the column...

Sex is a normal, healthy part of life. This mom is treating anything related to sex as a big no-no. So the girl is "only" 14 - in some cultures she would have been married off at age 12. So I agree that punishing the girl was the wrong approach - mom should sit down with her daughter and talk instead of burying the whole thing.

(I wonder if mom is a little sexually repressed and procrastinated over the birds-and-bees talk for far too long...?)

On the other hand, actively encouraging the daughter by giving her her own dildo is too much.

Also, the parents need to respect their daughter's privacy. Like KappaKittyCat pointed out, she was probably up in her room with the door closed. Parents should *not* be barging in on their 14-year-old!

AOX81 · #11 10-10-2002, 09:04 AM

I thought that advice was great! Reminds me of a previous thread that referenced a "stunt cock". LOL

Quote:

Originally posted by FHwku
"Stunt cock!" - said when something is in need of substitutioin

KappaKittyCat · #12 10-10-2002, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
On the other hand, actively encouraging the daughter by giving her her own dildo is too much.

I don't know. I'd rather have my 14-year-old daughter playing with her own dildo than find out later that she's been using the real thing attatched to the 17-year-old boy next door.

decadence · #13 06-14-2003, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Optimist Prime: better finding that than the neighbor kid or the family dog

Hmm, I think the second one would be a little unlikely Billy.

sororitygirl2 · #14 06-14-2003, 01:21 PM

To digress, how much does everyone LOVE Dan Savage?! I think he is so great and his obsession with Ashton Kutcher is hilarious.

Munchkin03 · #15 06-14-2003, 01:28 PM

Being a huge Dan Savage disciple, I totally agree with his advice! He came to my school for a book signing--so I got to meet him and he rocks. I adore how he's trying to get people to call bad or deviant sex acts (in various shapes or forms) "Santorum."

I think it's gross that the daughter was using the dildo, and it probably wasn't the first time. But not discussing it will probably lead her to more and more things, including actual intercourse, which at her age, can't be good. I think she just set up the girl to be horribly sexually repressed, just like she probably is. Why would an adult woman, old enough to be the parent of a 14 year old, be ashamed of owning sex toys?

I wonder how it turned out for them.