Cut from legacy chapter, and almost every other chapter after first round

[confusedmom]

I've been reading the posts here for a while. My daughter is going through rush at a medium competitive west coast school. She was cut from every house but one after the first round. She had recs for most of the chapters, 4.0+ GPA, many activities and awards, comfortable talking to anyone,etc.

Her grandmother was in a house, and sent in the legacy form, etc, but it turns out that the address on the school's website and the address on the chapter's website are different, so the rec may not have made it to the house, we have no way of knowing.

She was only invited back to 1 house after the first round, so she's decided that she'll go ahead and give that house a chance. Is it possible that the legacy house doesn't know she's a legacy and would that make a difference? Or is it even a legacy if it's your grandmother?

Thanks!

[TXDG]

I'm glad that she decided to go back to the house that invited her back. That's a mature decision on a day when I'm sure she was hurt and upset. I hope it works out for her because all it takes is one house to get a bid! Unfortunately, no one can give you or her answers as to why the other houses released her.

As for grandmothers, each sorority has its own criteria for which relationships are considered legacies. Most, but not all, houses do include grandmothers, but you would need to research her house's policy to know if your daughter was considered one or not. I know that Chi Omega and Tri Delta do not consider granddaughters to be legacies.

It's unclear by your post - is the one house that invited her back the legacy house? If it is - and you confirm that she is considered a legacy - grandma should email the rec to the chapter's recruitment VP ASAP just to make sure they do receive one for her and know that she is a legacy.

[confusedmom]

Thanks for the reply. NO, the house that invited her back wasn't the legacy house, just another random one. One that she didn't even have a rec for for that matter. Her grandmother is e-mailing the house (Alpha Gamma Delta if it helps), but I don't know if that matters since they already cut her and now it's going on round 3.

[FSUZeta]

There is nothing to be done now. I hope that she is enjoying her time at the house that has invited her back.

[TLLK]

Your daughter is being very mature by returning to that house and giving it another chance. Good luck to her.

[confusedmom]

Well, she got cut by that house, too. She knew it was over for her yesterday when she was paired with another rushee who really clicked with the girl rushing them and she was all but ignored. She's doing fine, I think she got all her hurt dealt with yesterday. I feel horrible for her and am just glad she's not here to see it. It's never easy to hear that no one wants your child.

[IndianaSigKap]

Confusedmom, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I wish there was something I could say that would bring you some comfort, but I am at a loss. I do wish you both the best.

[FSUZeta]

I am sorry Confusedmom.

[als463]

Confusedmom, I'm so sorry to hear this. This is really disappointing. I do not know her campus or what sororities she got cut from but, maybe she can go through recruitment again next year. If there is a new chapter coming on campus, maybe she can try to meet with their consultants. She could have easily slipped through the cracks. I know that some organizations have a "one and done" rule where you cannot get asked back or be given a bid to them after you have already been cut but, some others on her campus may not have that rule. As I said, I do not know because I do not know where she went through recruitment. I wish her luck.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by confusedmom

Well, she got cut by that house, too. She knew it was over for her yesterday when she was paired with another rushee who really clicked with the girl rushing them and she was all but ignored. She's doing fine, I think she got all her hurt dealt with yesterday. I feel horrible for her and am just glad she's not here to see it. It's never easy to hear that no one wants your child.

Confusedmom, I am so sorry that this happened. I am going to say acknowledge the elephant in the room, which you might not want to hear. When a young woman is dropped by virtually every chapter after 1st round & does not to make it to pref, there is some kind of serious issue. This is NOT a matter of fell through any crack or accident. There was something, could be something that you are not aware of. We don't know.

At this point, I hope that you encourage your daughter to get involved in other activities on campus. Tell her to pick herself up & move on. If you think she was completely unprepared for some reason, then maybe do a better job of preparation & try 1 more time. Don't let her be one of these girls who goes through formal rush then COB and then Spring Rush over & over again.

[confusedmom]

Thank you all again. Thetalady, she and I both agree that there's something that she's either doing or missing that's turning people off. She's decided to ask one of her friends from high school to please be brutally honest with her to see if there's something she can work on. In the meantime, she has other clubs on campus that she's interested in joining, plus there's the whole academic thing...

She's been through a lot, but I'm really proud of how well she's learned to go with the flow and move on. She's grown up quite a bit. As a mom, I think that's all that you can hope for. She may look at spring, but she's not sure, and she won't keep going back if it's apparent that she's not welcome.

[Iota_JWH]

A lot of young women do much better in the less formal, less stress environment of COB. I know our chapter picked up some fabulous members during COB.

[FSUZeta]

Confusedmom, it sounds like you have quite a girl! Getting involved in other campus activities will help her to meet others and make friends across all spectrums, including sorority members. Involvement looks great on her resume' and opens up opportunities for leadership within those orgs.

[thetalady]

Confusedmom, your comments are a breath of fresh air around here! And it sounds like you passed your good sense on to your daughter. Finding out what she might need to polish up and improve from her friends, if she is interested in trying again, is a great idea!

[TLLK]

I'm so sorry confusedmom, but it does sound like your daughter has a very good plan on how to go forward. If she chooses to try recruitment in the spring or next fall I wish her the best of luck.