I suicided

[andthen]

Originally Posted by IndianaSigKap

On my campus, girls often suicided for religious preferences. We only attended two chapters for preference. If a Jewish girl had only SDT or AEPhi and another chapter for preference, sometimes she might choose to ISP the traditionally Jewish chapter. A girl in my dorm had a name that might be seen as a traditionally Jewish last name, she was very Catholic. At preference she had AGD and SDT, she ISPed AGD. Luckily, it worked out. So not every girl who ISPs does so for "superficial" reasons based on social standing.

That's an excellent point. Especially if "Molly Potential Member" for example strongly identifies with her religion and culture, I could certainly see a valid reason for wanting to ISP. If "Molly Potential Member" thinks as the example you gave they would fit in with the ideals with a more traditionally Jewish chapter.

Unfortunately those who ISP, it doesn't always work out, and they have to be willing to accept that when making the decision to ISP. Its all a part of life, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

[als463]

Originally Posted by maconmagnolia

I usually keep my mouth shut, but I find it rather annoying that you feel the need to comment on almost every post about a woman not wanting to be a member of a certain sorority for whatever reason and attack her for thinking she was "too good" for that sorority.

Not thinking that you would fit in or not wanting to be a part of a certain chapter doesn't mean that you believe you are "too good" for that sorority. Sure, there are women who think they are "too good" for lower-tier groups but that is not always the case. For what it's worth, when I went through recruitment there were a couple of chapters that were considered very "top tier" that I personally didn't feel like I would fit in with at all - so it's not always about feeling "too good" for a chapter.

Every woman's situation is different and every woman going through recruitment needs to do what is right for her. In my opinion, it's better to suicide if you only want a bid from one chapter and would decline a bid from another chapter because then you're not taking a spot away from a girl who would love to be in the chapter you're not interested in. Quit being so harsh - you don't know anyone's particular situation and this poster didn't provide us with enough information to start drawing conclusions.

OP, actions have consequences. I'm sorry that recruitment didn't work out the way you wanted it to, and I wish you the best of luck in your college career.

I don't buy it. The OP's university had a quota of something like 130 new members. These are huge chapters. I am aware of what chapters struggle and what chapters don't. In chapters of 300+ women, using the excuse that you "didn't feel comfortable" is nothing more than lip-service. If you can't find someone in a chapter of 300+ women to befriend, maybe the problem isn't with those other chapters you didn't connect with. Each of these organizations have great women in them and to suicide at a major SEC school where girls can easily get cut completely, means you are willing to take a big risk. She should have really thought of the outcomes. Would you rather be a member of XYZ or not be Greek at all? We aren't talking about a school where being Greek is no big deal. We are talking about a major SEC school where Greek life is huge. She rolled the dice and she lost. I feel no sympathy.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by als463

I don't buy it. The OP's university had a quota of something like 130 new members. These are huge chapters. I am aware of what chapters struggle and what chapters don't. In chapters of 300+ women, using the excuse that you "didn't feel comfortable" is nothing more than lip-service. If you can't find someone in a chapter of 300+ women to befriend, maybe the problem isn't with those other chapters you didn't connect with. Each of these organizations have great women in them and to suicide at a major SEC school where girls can easily get cut completely, means you are willing to take a big risk. She should have really thought of the outcomes. Would you rather be a member of XYZ or not be Greek at all? We aren't talking about a school where being Greek is no big deal. We are talking about a major SEC school where Greek life is huge. She rolled the dice and she lost. I feel no sympathy.

Maybe the woman makes her choice because she doesn't want a small handful of people she clicks with.

This is her choice, and not one of us has the right to chastise her for her choice, rather only to remind her that choices have consequences. Second-guessing or putting her down is petty.

[pinksequins]

Exactly. It is her prerogative. I also have no issue if a PNM makes a choice that there are chapters that do not meet her personal criteria. Sometimes it works out; sometimes, not. So long as she owns the results, I have no quarrel with her choice.

[SWTXBelle]

It's the "owning the results" that sometimes sticks in my craw. By all means, suicide if you would rather swallow broken glass than pledge another sorority, but don't turn around and whine about the possible negative outcome. Don't gamble if you can't afford to lose.

[pinksequins]

I agree that complaining is not appropriate. However, there are women who would rather not be Greek than be in a chapter they believe (correctly or incorrectly) is not for them. Not pledging a group is not equivalent to swallowing broken glass -- sometimes not pledging a group is the correct choice for the PNM (and the chapter).

[SWTXBelle]

I employed hyperbole - sorry if it wasn't obvious.

Certainly there can be very good reasons to suicide. If that is the case, there should be no whining. A pnm made the right choice for herself.

[pinksequins]

Absolutely! And the chapter does not have someone pouting and putting a damper on festivities for those who want to be there.

[maconmagnolia]

Originally Posted by als463

I don't buy it. The OP's university had a quota of something like 130 new members. These are huge chapters. I am aware of what chapters struggle and what chapters don't. In chapters of 300+ women, using the excuse that you "didn't feel comfortable" is nothing more than lip-service. If you can't find someone in a chapter of 300+ women to befriend, maybe the problem isn't with those other chapters you didn't connect with. Each of these organizations have great women in them and to suicide at a major SEC school where girls can easily get cut completely, means you are willing to take a big risk. She should have really thought of the outcomes. Would you rather be a member of XYZ or not be Greek at all? We aren't talking about a school where being Greek is no big deal. We are talking about a major SEC school where Greek life is huge. She rolled the dice and she lost. I feel no sympathy.

You don't need to feel sympathy for her, but you don't need to be a judgmental ass towards every single girl who comes on here saying she doesn't feel comfortable in a certain chapter. You do not know her reasoning and you have no place to make judgment.

[als463]

Originally Posted by maconmagnolia

You don't need to feel sympathy for her, but you don't need to be a judgmental ass towards every single girl who comes on here saying she doesn't feel comfortable in a certain chapter. You do not know her reasoning and you have no place to make judgment.

Oh, the irony in telling others not to be judgmental while at the same time being judgmental.

[PinkSkyAtNight]

Originally Posted by USCmtg

I suicided because I absolutely did not want to be in the other sorority. The other one made me think that I was definitley getting a bid by what they said. However I got dropped today. I know that I can't get a snap bid because I suicided but what's the likelihood of me getting a bid during COB?

ALS - At no point in the poster's original thread does she ask for your sympathy, pity or understanding. She states facts and asks a question. Yet, for some you feel compelled to shame her about her decision.

[als463]

Originally Posted by PinkSkyAtNight

ALS - At no point in the poster's original thread does she ask for your sympathy, pity or understanding. She states facts and asks a question. Yet, for some you feel compelled to shame her about her decision.

You may as well just get used to it. That is how I feel and I won't apologize for my feelings. Every single time a woman comes on here to say she is angry she got the bottom chapter, or she suicided, or dropped out because the remaining choices were less than desirable then I'm going to say the same thing. I don't care if she asks for my pity or my understanding. If anything, I feel bad for the chapters that may struggle with membership because some girls let tent talk get to them. I'm working for a campus where some of the most amazing women I know are from some of those less than desirable chapters. In fact, one of the women from one of those chapters I speak of is someone I would be more than proud to call my sister. I don't feel sorry for these women who make the choices that they do regarding my NPC sisters and I refuse to pretend to.

[PinkSkyAtNight]

Originally Posted by als463

You may as well just get used to it. That is how I feel and I won't apologize for my feelings. Every single time a woman comes on here to say she is angry she got the bottom chapter, or she suicided, or dropped out because the remaining choices were less than desirable then I'm going to say the same thing. I don't care if she asks for my pity or my understanding. If anything, I feel bad for the chapters that may struggle with membership because some girls let tent talk get to them. I'm working for a campus where some of the most amazing women I know are from some of those less than desirable chapters. In fact, one of the women from one of those chapters I speak of is someone I would be more than proud to call my sister. I don't feel sorry for these women who make the choices that they do regarding my NPC sisters and I refuse to pretend to.

Yeah, that's great. But the original poster didn't insult or put down or even insinuate that the other chapter she didn't list wasn't "top tier". She didn't express anger or sadness. She did nothing of the sort, but you assumed that she was doing that by not listing them. She just asked a question and you pounced and made all kinds of assumptions.

Trust me, the chapters that don't have perfect return rates don't need advisers or university employees to defend their honor if it means putting down a woman who still might want to participate in COB. It makes you and them look defensive and adds to the stigma.

It is kind of like when someone breaks up with you and does it without insulting you, if you get mad, angry, defensive, stalkerish.... rarely does it make that person want to reconsider the relationship. Rather, it only confirms the suspicions they had all along that it wasn't a good match.

[pinksequins]

I believe that what many posters are saying is that it is commendable that you (and many PNMs) are supportive and open to such chapters. But they are also saying that not everyone else is, nor will they be and that they are entitled to make that choice without either having to delve into details or being subjected to being scolded. Those women's obligation, having made their decisions, is to own the results and not whine.

[als463]

Originally Posted by PinkSkyAtNight

Yeah, that's great. But the original poster didn't insult or put down or even insinuate that the other chapter she didn't list wasn't "top tier". She didn't express anger or sadness. She did nothing of the sort, but you assumed that she was was doing that by not listing them. She just asked a question and you pounced and made all kinds of assumptions.

Trust me, the chapters that don't have perfect return rates don't need advisers or university employees to defend their honor if it means putting down a woman who still might want to participate in COB. It makes you and them look defensive and adds to the stigma.

It is kind of like when someone breaks up with you and does it without insulting you, if you get mad, angry, defensive, stalkerish.... rarely does it make that person want to reconsider the relationship. Rather, it only confirms the suspicions they had all along that it wasn't a good match.

You do realize that she may not have the option to COB at such a large SEC school where even the struggling chapters aren't exactly struggling, right? What other great reasons would someone have for choosing to suicide at a school where Greek life is huge? Please tell me.