Disaffiliating membership and joining a different fratnerity after transferring.

xyumph · #1 08-12-2014, 03:25 AM

I know this question has been asked before, but the responses all either seem to be “no you absolutely can’t join another fraternity after being initiated” and “it’s possible in some cases but very rare.”

I was initiated at a fraternity at my current school. The semester after my pledge semester they brought back a certain hazing practices I don’t agree with. The worse part is that no one else cared. I don’t want to report it and get them busted, but at the same time, I just want to break all ties. I’m will also probably transfer pretty soon.The policies for disaffiliating / deactivating membership are vague and I’m worried it won’t be accepted.

If I had any allegiance to my current brothers, I would have just taken alumni status, but I really just want to forget everything about it. I’m also worried because I was diagnosed with mild depression a few months ago. It’s not terrible now, but I am genuinely worried it will get worse as I’ve had family members who have committed suicide(Robin William's suicide just gave me the motivation to post this, so I don’t want to risk cutting myself off as a non-greek. The school I’m considering transferring to has a social life almost entirely limited to the Greek scene. They don’t have my current fraternity, and I know some have policies against previously initiated members, but I don’t know much that affects my chances.

So in summary:

Is the process of disaffiliating / deactivating membership typically difficult, and is the fact that you don’t connect with your brothers an accepted excuse?

Will many other fraternities be open to let me pledge a different fraternity, or will my chances be severely reduced?

Kevin · #2 08-12-2014, 08:06 AM

I can only speak for my own fraternity and no, once you have initiated elsewhere, you are done.

SoCalGirl · #3 08-12-2014, 10:25 AM

IFC/NIC Fraternities are very different than NPC Sororities when it comes to this topic.

A lot will depend on both your current group's policies, whether any chapter would be willing to bid you at your new school, and their policies. I'd say you should take the alumni status.

My thoughts:
1) Please get whatever help you need for your depression. Especially if there's family history, it's not going away on its own. Use whatever resources you have at your disposal.

2) Please consider anonymously reporting the hazing. Since it sounds like it's pretty darn bad it's likely you aren't actually the only one having issues. People don't want to be "that guy" so it's easier to do nothing. Please think of those other brothers, the pledges, and future brothers. You may not feel any loyalty to these guys but think of the bigger picture, please.

xyumph · #4 08-13-2014, 12:37 AM

Thank you for the response SoCalGirl.

I didn't think of reporting anonymously, so that is something I could consider.

And yes, alumni status seems to be the easiest option, but I don't want to risk being ostracized socially at the new school, which could possibly worsen my condition.

33girl · #5 08-13-2014, 09:24 AM

Are you going to a new school 10 miles down the road where everyone will know what your current fraternity is like? If not, I don't think anyone is going to "ostracize" you.

I would go ahead and officially resign through your headquarters. Once you're free and clear, you can rush at your new school. I would be honest and tell them you were in a fraternity at your old school but you resigned because things were happening that you weren't comfortable with. They can take that however.

Even if you don't end up going Greek at your new school, I think it's important for your mental health to resign. You need to just say "I was wrong, I made a mistake in judgment" and MOVE ON. If you have that sitting in your lap it's going to fester and remind you and make you continually doubt yourself. Which you do not need. Good luck!

SoCalGirl · #6 08-13-2014, 10:23 AM

No matter how big greek life is at your new school, it's not required to have a social life of any kind.

I'm hoping the reasons for your transfer to that school are focused more on academic or financial reasons than social life. If social life is a driving factor for that school, please reconsider. I agree that "feeling left out" would not help your mental health. So you need to find other social avenues.

Think of this, when you're done with school what kind of social activities do you envision participating in? How can you start those type of activities now? Intramural sports, clubs that focus on your interest, general friendliness towards others and inviting them to lunch/dinner/whatever.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

xyumph · #7 08-15-2014, 05:44 AM

Thank you guys for the responses, I really appreciate it.

33girl - You are probably right. I think I will try to resign from the headquarters if they allow it, regardless of whether I want to rush again.

And thanks again SoCalGirl. There are academic reasons for transferring but I'm was recommended to move closer to home in order to have support from family/friends.

ChioLu · #8 08-15-2014, 12:55 PM

Does the school you are transferring to have a chapter of your fraternity? If so, you may want to informally visit (if the school is close enough) and see if it's a good fit to consider the possibility of affiliating.

33girl · #9 08-15-2014, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChioLu

Does the school you are transferring to have a chapter of your fraternity? If so, you may want to informally visit (if the school is close enough) and see if it's a good fit to consider the possibility of affiliating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xyumph

They don’t have my current fraternity, and I know some have policies against previously initiated members, but I don’t know much that affects my chances.