Getting Married Young- Why? - Page 3

PincGator Que · #31 12-04-2010, 12:50 AM

I've been happily married for 15 years. I married my college sweetheart, but I didn't get married until I was in my late 20s. I believe in being established financially, not just on my end but on her end, as well, before making that final decision. It's about supporting each other and being ready when both of you feel the time is right. I'm happy and I wouldn't change a thing.

PincGator Que · #32 12-04-2010, 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I dunno. I mean, for me, I guess I don't really care what other couples my age are doing. Most my age are married, but my decision to marry has to be based on what's best for the both of us, not based on what "age" or when most couples tend to marry. I mean, I want to finish my career goals first. That's important to me. I just think the bottom line is if the two of you are not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, regardless of when or the "age" you choose to marry. Whether you decide to marry young or not, aligning yourself in a committed relationship with a guy who doesn't agree with your values and basic belief systems will be problematic throughout the life of the marriage. It's just that for me, if he doesn't fit from the beginning, he never will. I mean, of course I could fit with a lot of guys, but one will fit better than most. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts of wrong usually never gets right, it just gets worse. I just think that if we want the best mate for our lives, we have to be willing to understand our own uniqueness and wait for the right fit, not look at what decisions other couples are making.

KSUViolet06 · #33 12-04-2010, 06:04 PM

This thread reminds me of a girl I met at an event where there were undergrad students.

The undergrads were going around introducing themselves and telling a fun fact about themselves.

It came to be this one girl's turn. She said "Hi, I'm Girl, I'm 18 and my fun fact is that I just got married last week!"

Another girl was like "Awww where did you honeymoon?"

Girl said "Oh, unfortunately we didn't get a honeymoon. We got married on a Saturday but couldn't go anywhere because Hubby had to be back here for his Psych 100 final on Monday."

Girl also shared that she and hubby are dorm roomies. Whoa.

KSUViolet06 · #34 12-05-2010, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

You can CHOOSE to be a stay-at-home parent/housewife/househusband but you don't NEED to be one due to dependency. In general, I don't believe in having to say "I wish I had" or "I wish I/we could." That's also why threads like "what do you WISH you did for a living" are very interesting to me but particularly if people had to put their dreams on hold for relationship or family. My family, friends, and I believe in accomplishing your goals and dreams before getting married and continuing to accomplish. If not, you could end up pissed as hell and resentful.

I tend to agree with this.

Back when I was dating a military guy, I hung out with a few of the other guy's girlfriends. They were all married by 22/23 (some of them had been married since HS graduation). They got married early and had kids early. Since their military spouse was making all the money (not a whole lot though), they were mostly Stay At Home Moms who work part-time at Target/CVS/etc. to help hubby pay bills. Not all of them were happy/ok with that, either.

Sometimes, when we talked, they'd open up a little about their lives. One of the main things they said was "You're so lucky that you're going to college and probably going to grad school. If I had it to do all over again, I would have waited to get married and pursued my dreams. Now I have to wait for my kids to get older."

I always thought it was bizarre that one would have all these dreams and pitch them so early in life for a guy (especially when some of them had only been dating the guy for like a year tops). Then turn around and complain about it.

You may as well do what you want/need to do/accomplish before marriage, then you won't have to worry about it. For some, that's graduating from college, others want to to finish Med school, etc. Whatever it is for you.

ree-Xi · #35 12-05-2010, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I dunno. I mean, for me, I guess I don't really care what other couples my age are doing. Most my age are married, but my decision to marry has to be based on what's best for the both of us, not based on what "age" or when most couples tend to marry. I mean, I want to finish my career goals first. That's important to me. I just think the bottom line is if the two of you are not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, regardless of when or the "age" you choose to marry. Whether you decide to marry young or not, aligning yourself in a committed relationship with a guy who doesn't agree with your values and basic belief systems will be problematic throughout the life of the marriage. It's just that for me, if he doesn't fit from the beginning, he never will. I mean, of course I could fit with a lot of guys, but one will fit better than most. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts of wrong usually never gets right, it just gets worse. I just think that if we want the best mate for our lives, we have to be willing to understand our own uniqueness and wait for the right fit, not look at what decisions other couples are making.

I love how you put that. Hubby and I were definitely walking in the same direction (as each other, not necessarily the same direction we were 15 years ago), and though nothing is perfect, it works for us.

KSUViolet06 · #36 12-05-2010, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

I love how you put that. Hubby and I were definitely walking in the same direction (as each other, not necessarily the same direction we were 15 years ago), and though nothing is perfect, it works for us.

This is so important.

A lot of folks get married to people who are moving in completely different directions, and they end up giving up a lot to be with that person (or vice versa).

JennRN · #37 12-09-2010, 06:22 PM

I agree that it's totally dependant on the people. Hubby and I got married when I was 25, and he was almost 27. We had both finished college, started our careers, and dated for 5 years. However-after our first year of dating, when I was 21, we started talking about getting married and ring shopping-and after a while, I freaked out and briefly broke up with him-I just couldn't do it at that time. A few years later-I was totally ready. Now we look back and say thank goodness we didn't do it right away!
However.....
My cousin's wife was 22 when they got married. She dropped out of juco to plan the wedding. Shocking that she never went back

Now she's squeezed out their first (of many, I'm sure) kid and that's all she's got. That kid is her whole life. No career. No degree. Nothing outside the husband and kid. Put aside the "what would you do to survive/for money/for your child if your husband was ever out of the picture" issue-but I worry about them long term as well.

Alumiyum · #38 12-10-2010, 05:39 AM

I know girls who have dropped out of school to get married. I even know one who only had a semester left and chose to get married instead of finishing her degree. (I'm not sure why those two things were mutually exclusive, but for her they seemed to be). To me, that is a complete waste.

KSUViolet06 · #39 12-10-2010, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I know girls who have dropped out of school to get married. I even know one who only had a semester left and chose to get married instead of finishing her degree. (I'm not sure why those two things were mutually exclusive, but for her they seemed to be). To me, that is a complete waste.

My mom's frend has a daughter who was accepted into a 6 year accelerated BS/MD med school program that OH state schools have (you go to school all year round and complete your BS and MD in 6 years).

She had a long term boyfriend who was headed to seminary to become a pastor. He proposed to her the weekend she finished her BS (meaning she would start med school the next semester).

She decided to give up her spot in this program to "stay at home and emotionally support her fiance/the household while he's in seminary."

Kappamd · #40 12-10-2010, 07:58 PM

^^^Omg. OMG. That is FAIL.

Drolefille · #41 12-10-2010, 08:30 PM

^^ Do you think it was just a sign that she didn't want to be a doctor after all and didn't want to/couldn't switch out of the track she was in easily for whatever reason? (Parental pressure? Life changes? School rules?)

I mean, it's not something I'd do, but if ultimately she's happy then, good for her?

Alumiyum · #42 12-10-2010, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

My mom's frend has a daughter who was accepted into a 6 year accelerated BS/MD med school program that OH state schools have (you go to school all year round and complete your BS and MD in 6 years).

She had a long term boyfriend who was headed to seminary to become a pastor. He proposed to her the weekend she finished her BS (meaning she would start med school the next semester).

She decided to give up her spot in this program to "stay at home and emotionally support her fiance/the household while he's in seminary."

I don't get it. And by that I mean I do and I don't...because whatever is right for that person is right. But I would not be able (or want) to do that in a million years. I want my degrees more than a man.

Kappamd · #43 12-10-2010, 10:32 PM

^^^Ok, not only that, but BS/MD programs are INTENSE and extremely competitive. You just don't enter that kind of problem if you're only "ohhhh, maybe I want to be a doctor." These students are highly "in-bred" in that they have multiple family members who are physicians, probably who went to the same medical school. Entering a BS/MD program means essentially kissing your chance to have any sort of normal social life in college goodbye. You end up with a shitty degree in "natural sciences" or something similar that really only has value to the medical school you made a commitment to. Every BS/MD student I've known that didn't go on to the medical school track (usually because they couldnt score the minimum score on the MCAT) has had to go back and complete an additional degree. WHY anyone would go through that hell and then drop out for a guy......that is just incomprehensible.

But hey, we'll probably never know her true motivations.

KSUViolet06 · #44 12-11-2010, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kappamd

^^^Ok, not only that, but BS/MD programs are INTENSE and extremely competitive. You just don't enter that kind of problem if you're only "ohhhh, maybe I want to be a doctor." These students are highly "in-bred" in that they have multiple family members who are physicians, probably who went to the same medical school. Entering a BS/MD program means essentially kissing your chance to have any sort of normal social life in college goodbye. You end up with a shitty degree in "natural sciences" or something similar that really only has value to the medical school you made a commitment to. Every BS/MD student I've known that didn't go on to the medical school track (usually because they couldnt score the minimum score on the MCAT) has had to go back and complete an additional degree. WHY anyone would go through that hell and then drop out for a guy......that is just incomprehensible.

But hey, we'll probably never know her true motivations.

As far I know (per my interactions with her during my recent family holiday party), it was a hard decision, but her husband is highly religious and she kind of knew that's what seminary wives do at this particular school (as a lot of other seminary guy's wives either dropped down to part time or quit school).

She did say that she wanted to take another shot at med school or dental school once hubby graduates next year. Whatever floats her (or his) boat.

DrPhil · #45 12-11-2010, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

^^ Do you think it was just a sign that she didn't want to be a doctor after all....

Yes.

Having a husband > Finishing her plans