First signs of a bad first date

[AGDee]

I have to add, one of the smartest men I ever dated didn't have a degree yet when I was dating him (and he was in his late 30s then). He'd been career Army and had started his degree. When he retired from the Army, he went back and finished it up. He was articulate regarding a wide variety of subjects. However, that's what is more important to me. I need to be able to have real conversations about a variety of topics as well as someone who never stops learning. That man could kick my butt at Scrabble I tell ya.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

All in all, when it comes to dating and sustaining relationships, don't be that which you despise and give what you expect to get.

this. i wish a lot more people would see that. maybe you should also tell Chili this

[phitheta376]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Well, this is true, DrPhil, it's just that in a partner, all I want is to feel financially secure. I mean, it's just that fast food places don't pay enough to even live off of, and I'm not saying that someone with a philosophy degree is a bad person, or anything, it's just that I've never met anyone with that kind of degree that has a decent, well paying career. I mean, I know there are some out there, I just haven't met any. All I'm saying is that I've always wanted a guy who I can build a future with, someone I can depend on. It's just that I can't see how a guy working a fast food job can give me that sense of security. That's all I'm saying.

I thought that you might find this little tidbit from my school's Philosophy Department's interesting...

http://www.uncg.edu/phi/Revisions%20...osophy.html#_3

The fact is that in the modern economy, virtually no one can hack it just by holding a four year degree. This applies doubly so to those who hold degrees in the liberal arts. However, if you possess the traits that typically come with the attainment of a degree like that -- the abilities to quickly synthesize, interpret, communicate, and critically think -- then you're almost destined to make money anywhere.

[chickenoodle]

Originally Posted by phitheta376

I had literally HUNDREDS of text messages, and $60 in text message charges to boot. Needless to say, there was not a first date.

That is so unnecessary. Did you send her the bill?

[lAZy 1]

As long as she's not needy, then I wouldn't really have a problem. I hate needy chicks.

[lAZy 1]

Originally Posted by agzg

I'm not looking for a professional history on a first date. If I ask what you do, I expect to hear about your CURRENT job. This is a DATE, not an interview!

If it's a date, then it's sorta an interview. If you're asking the dude questions, then that would be an interview, even if it's about his current job. If it isn't, then why would you ask him about his job in the first place?

[lAZy 1]

Originally Posted by I.A.S.K.

*You dont like black women.
.

What kind of shit is this? You've gone out with dudes who don't like black chicks?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker

this. i wish a lot more people would see that. maybe you should also tell Chili this

She's like most people. Delusions of grandeur and vanity. It's okay for you to be a shithead but you can't tolerate someone being a shithead to you.

[KSUViolet06]

Neediness/clingy behavior.

Or any behavior that says to me that you might become needy/clingy down the road.

Example: If we went out on a date, the date was over at 10:30, and I had like 15 texts and 3 voicemails from you by the time I get home at 11:15, I will assume that you are needy/a clinger and there won't be a date #2.

[KSUViolet06]

Other things that tell me you might be a clinger and we don't need to go on any further dates:

*Getting upset if I don't return your calls right away.

Example: if you call me while i'm at work, and I don't return your call until after 5, and the first words out of your mouth are "I called you three hours ago, why didn't you call me back?" (in a serious way and not being funny/sarcastic) there will be no more dates.

*If you mutter any words such as "when we move in together..." or "when we have kids..." there will be no subsequent dates.

*Requesting to be "In A Relationship" with me on FB when we have been on one date and maybe have known each other for a few weeks.

*Getting defensive if we see someone I know while out and I say hi to them.

Ex: I saw a HS classmate (guy) out while on a date and said hello to him. He is gay and was with his partner so he clearly wasn't hitting on me. We chatted for maybe a minute (I was even polite and introduced everyone), and once he was gone, Date said defensively "who was that guy?"

I told him that I knew him from HS. Date asked "what if I talked to a girl I knew on a date?" I told him he was being ridic. He got out his phone and started texting girls. I ended that one early because he was just too clingy/passive aggressive for me to continue going out with him.

What do you even say on a first date? That won't sound like a job interview? Advisable to go to a place where both of you will be distracted ei)movies, concert
or in a quieter place ei) park, museum?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by yougc

What do you even say on a first date? That won't sound like a job interview? Advisable to go to a place where both of you will be distracted ei)movies, concert
or in a quieter place ei) park, museum?

It is a polite, fun, and hugely entertaining job interview. Laugh and talk while finding out about each other. You will know which questions are off limits before you ask them or by his response when you do ask them.

Don't go on a date where you both be distracted. LOL. What's the point of a date if you are distracted?

Go where you will both have fun with the atmosphere and with each other.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Ex: I saw a HS classmate (guy) out while on a date and said hello to him. He is gay and was with his partner so he clearly wasn't hitting on me. We chatted for maybe a minute (I was even polite and introduced everyone), and once he was gone, Date said defensively "who was that guy?"

I told him that I knew him from HS. Date asked "what if I talked to a girl I knew on a date?" I told him he was being ridic. He got out his phone and started texting girls. I ended that one early because he was just too clingy/passive aggressive for me to continue going out with him.

umm, wow. that dude belongs in the sandbox. and even then there are more mature kids than him.

[KSUViolet06]

That one was pretty bad. To top it off, he called me like a week later. When I didn't pick up, he left me some long rambling message wondering why I hadn't returned his emails or answered the phone.

Ummm...if you actually have to ASK why I am no longer interested in you, I feel really badly for you.

[Prettyface08]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I do it now because being honest about "I'm not feeling the chemistry that you seem to be feeling" resulted in a pretty violent reaction. When I say "stormed" out, I mean, slammed down his silverware on the table, got up and started to walk out. I threw money on the table for the waitress and ran to follow him. I got into his car to have him drive me back to my car (about a mile away). He drove like a total maniac and shoved me out of the car as soon as I opened the car door to get out. That one date made me never say that during the date and NEVER go anywhere in his car on the first date either. We live and learn

Hmmm, I guess my problem with this is that my mother always told me to carry enough money to be able to call a cab. If he was acting like that, I would have been afraid he would have tried to harm me, I would NOT have gotten back into his vehicle.