To Wait or Not To Wait: That is the Question

[33girl]

Originally Posted by epchick

I guess I should have expected that LB's first marriage (yep he was married before, but no kids supposedly) lasted only 4 years. Maybe he kicks 'em to the curb before they get that big 5 year wedding.

LOL, that reminds me of Tom Cruise dumping Nicole Kidman a week (or maybe it was a month) before the 10 year anniversary/community property thing kicked in.

[I.A.S.K.]

Originally Posted by Little32

You were thinking, selling that CZ probably won't pay for much?

And I died lol @ this!

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I'd rather our first huge financial commitment together be toward a house--or anything else that will last more than 6 hours.

This.

My husband and I were fortunate enough to be in a financial position to pay for exactly the wedding we wanted, when we wanted it. But if we hadn't had those resources, I think we would have just had a very small wedding when we wanted to get married. We then would have had a renewal of vows and an anniversary party five or ten years later. Better that than have The Perfect White Wedding and spend the first five or ten years of your marriage paying off all the debt you racked up.

[VandalSquirrel]

If I wanted to get married I'd probably have a local judge marry me (small town I know some) but I think the people in my church would pay the minister fee for me, or I could do an exchange of volunteering with the church grounds or something. The women I work with said they'd provide cake and punch if I was getting married and had no money, which is really sweet. My coworkers and friends would not be pleased if I felt I couldn't invite them to my wedding because I couldn't provide food, and they'd see a potluck or a restaurant meal (where they covered for me and my spouse) as a gift.

I don't think I'd wear my initiation dress though, since it was my sister's second wedding dress, and she's on her third marriage. No plans to get married though, any time soon. I'd also just wear a ring my grandfather made for my grandmother when he was working in the shipyards during WWII as my wedding band.

[Kappamd]

Originally Posted by MexicanMami0286

I'm going through this right now. I got engaged about a month ago in Paris! But the problem with us right now is more than just money, but also includes distance and time.

I'm finishing up my first year of grad school, 8 hours away from him and he works full-time and lives at home. He'll be starting grad school in the fall and we'll be closer, but still 3.5 hours apart.

While we'd love to just get married "sooner than later" (in the words of my grandmother), we'd also like to have a nice ceremony. Nothing elaborate, but we literally have no money because of our current school situation. And with the distance, it seems weird to us to have a long-distance marriage rather than a long-distance relationship/engagement.

In any case, I finish my program in 2012, so we're considering either getting married then, while he finishes up his last year of the program. Neither of us would have saved any considerable sum toward the wedding by then, so we may just wait until 2013 when we've saved up a little for a really small ceremony. Or we'll have a courthouse wedding in 2012.

I'm not trying to have anything insanely crazy. (For some reason, my family thinks we're waiting so long to save up for a wedding extravaganza...nope).

I'm a budget queen and have already mapped out how to do dress, flowers, and venue pretty cheaply. Plus I have talented friends - musicians, DJs, all that jazz. Right now, it's just an issue of getting it all together and figuring out which will be the best for us in this long-haul engagement...

First off, congrats!

Second, your situation sounds so familiar to mine. BF and I have been together for over five years, but unfortunately, our graduate studies have us separated by about 3 hours now. Were that not the case, I'm pretty sure we would be further along the engagement/marriage path. I know our families are disappointed that we are not "there" yet, but neither of us is thrilled with the fact that we will eventually have a long-distance engagement; we're flat-out not willing to have a long-distance marriage. When we do get to that point, we're going to be new graduates saddled with my student loan debt; there won't be a big elaborate wedding if it's up to us. And as much as I used to dream of that kind of wedding, I would give it up in a SECOND if it meant improving this whole situation. I know we'll both just be thrilled to finally be together, and to be beginning a new phase of our life together.

[honeychile]

I couldn't justify spending much more than $1k, if I was already paying off loans, or deeply in debt. I think some of the wedding shows on television right now are really showing some bad values (fyi - I made a typo at first and said sowing - how appropriate!).

There are so many ways to have a nice wedding and reception if you're willing to think it out and possibly compromise. And I'm not talking cash bars or cheez wiz on crackers. I've been to a wedding where they included every vendor from the bride's & groom's attire to each favor/dinner selection/wedding cake on an Advertising Page in the program (super tacky, IMHO, but points on creativity). One of the last weddings I attended was in a major country club in major landmark with two bands, major table decorations, everything gorgeous - but since it was held on a Friday, everything but the bride's dress was almost half price.

Think it out, and don't be so completely sold on one idea. My own ideas have changed several times over the years - given the choice between a dream wedding and a dream house, I'll take the house.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by MexicanMami0286

I'm going through this right now. I got engaged about a month ago in Paris!

Congrats and best wishes!!

[ree-Xi]

Your wedding day is over so quickly. Why put off your MARRIAGE just so you can throw away "a lot more money" on a party?

If you want a small reception, then only invite those people who you want to be there. If you want to elope and/or not have a reception, then do that.

I don't get this post.

ETA: if your focus is only on the day and the size of the party, then maybe you SHOULD wait. There are much more important things in life, and you don't seem ready to deal with them. Marriage is not a fairy tale.

[Kevin]

I do quite a bit of work in divorce, and my unscientific and anecdotal observation is this: The more expensive and extravagant the wedding, the shorter the marriage.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by Kevin

I do quite a bit of work in divorce, and my unscientific and anecdotal observation is this: The more expensive and extravagant the wedding, the shorter the marriage.

Speaks the truth.

[Low C Sharp]

There are so many ways to have a nice wedding and reception if you're willing to think it out and possibly compromise.

Yes. Choosing a daytime ceremony with a champagne brunch (for example) can be a fraction of the cost of the same venue on a Saturday night.
________
Live sex webshows

[christiangirl]

1. Re: the CZ comment--iDied.

2. What about waiting for the perfect date? I know someone who is so in love with having a wedding date of "9/10/11" that she's actually postponed her wedding until then. She said she doesn't really want to wait that long, but she just loves the idea of having such a cutesy wedding date so she'll wait. The groom doesn't care, he's like, "Whatever, tell me when to show up and I'll be there."

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

1. Re: the CZ comment--iDied.

2. What about waiting for the perfect date? I know someone who is so in love with having a wedding date of "9/10/11" that she's actually postponed her wedding until then. She said she doesn't really want to wait that long, but she just loves the idea of having such a cutesy wedding date so she'll wait. The groom doesn't care, he's like, "Whatever, tell me when to show up and I'll be there."

That's silly. One of my brother's friends was engaged for 3 years because they insisted on 8/8/08.

[MexicanMami0286]

Originally Posted by Kappamd

First off, congrats!

Second, your situation sounds so familiar to mine. BF and I have been together for over five years, but unfortunately, our graduate studies have us separated by about 3 hours now. Were that not the case, I'm pretty sure we would be further along the engagement/marriage path. I know our families are disappointed that we are not "there" yet, but neither of us is thrilled with the fact that we will eventually have a long-distance engagement; we're flat-out not willing to have a long-distance marriage. When we do get to that point, we're going to be new graduates saddled with my student loan debt; there won't be a big elaborate wedding if it's up to us. And as much as I used to dream of that kind of wedding, I would give it up in a SECOND if it meant improving this whole situation. I know we'll both just be thrilled to finally be together, and to be beginning a new phase of our life together.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Congrats and best wishes!!

Thank you!

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

That's silly. One of my brother's friends was engaged for 3 years because they insisted on 8/8/08.

I wonder if anyone's ever postponed a divorce for such a reason? "I don't want to be married to you for another 6 months but dangit, I want to make sure I leave you on 10/10/10!"

ETA: So would it be too presumptuous of me to start a little wedding fund now so I can get married at my convenience? When my future guy proposes, I can tell him "How's next month? I've been saving for this since before I met you!"