The Reluctant PNM

[pearlbubbles]

This was a really good story! I think it shows that even people don't think Greek Life is for them can really find a home.

[mcdavis4]

Thanks for a great story and putting this moms mind at ease! My daughter starts rush next week.

[ellebud]

I'm glad that I helped you. I thought that I was totally fine with whatever the outcome would be. I really was, but there was a moment that I almost lost it.

I hope that your daughter has a wonderful experience with recruitment. I wish her good luck and happiness throughout the experience.

[PhiSigmaRho]

I usually do not read recruitment stories, but the title of this one just caught my eye and said "read me". I have to say, I loved the story! I hope to be as good a mom if and when my daughter ever participates in recruitment.

ellebud - I actually went back and read your story too. It was very interesting reading about how rush was back then. Thank you for sharing both stories!

[marigold]

Congrats to your daughter and DELTA GAMMA!!!

LITB!

[mcdavis4]

Originally Posted by ellebud

I'm glad that I helped you. I thought that I was totally fine with whatever the outcome would be. I really was, but there was a moment that I almost lost it.

I hope that your daughter has a wonderful experience with recruitment. I wish her good luck and happiness throughout the experience.

Thanks so much! She is getting very excited and has all her clothes hanging in order for the week.

[ellebud]

I am so glad that your daughter is ready. Mine just pulled stuff out of her closet with a "whatever" attitude. I do not mean that she was inappropriately or sloppily (if there is such a word) dressed. Her laissez-faire attitude about rush and dress was there until Pref when she really began to care.

[CougarGrad]

Congratulations to your daughter and to DG! Ellebud, your story was so cute to read. Are you still putting salve on your tongue?

[ellebud]

CougarGrad: Much as I wish that there would never be the need to bite my tongue again, this may be a permanent necessary response. I have three children and they all know better than their mother, they are smarter and more worldly than their mother (and father). Just ask them and they'll tell you that it is true.

I can't wait for grandchildren: the great equalizer.

[pinkyphimu]

What an exciting story! Congrats to your daughter!

[DoubleTDG]

Congratulations to your daughter! I am so excited for a new DG!!

[ellebud]

A few words from the Reluctant One:

In the last few weeks the Reluctant One has shared a few tidbits about what makes a recruitment (in her view) more or less successful. For future PNMs (and feel free to disagree GreekChatters) a few words from my daughter who had no intention of pledging, but did, and happily.

Pay attention to the PNMs around you. They may become your good friend or a pledge sister. You are not competing with them. Your job is not to sabotage others.

Clothing: Never underestimate the power of appropriate clothes that speak to who you are as a person. Yes, the booklet said "casual", but despite the pictures of G--awful capris, the girls who wore sundresses that had a bit of personality seem to leave a better impression. (Mother's note: I know that she did not mean expensive dresses were the ticket to success. Yes, I admit that I purchased much of what she wore and I am very good at shopping. But I always asked, after picking out several items, the youngest most in fashion salesperson to get input.) Remember, you are going into someone's home. On the other hand, do not let Great Aunt Sally dress you. My daughter saw several girls who were dressed by a well meaning relative. Let's just say it didn't work out well. And be flexible. You may have the "perfect" dress for Prefs, but if it is too hot/cold be ready to change it up.

LISTEN: Listen to what the sisters are saying to you about themselves and their house. Most girls seem to want to talk about themselves and not listen to what is being said to them. Listen to PARTS of the tent talk. Some reputations are importent to understand and be aware (notice I did not say forewarned).

Do not try or aspire to be someone you aren't: The Reluctant One mentioned that the fit, as it is called, is hard to define. This comes under Listening and under (very few of you will know the reference but...) do not believe that "Any sorority that wants you isn't good enough for you." (Thank you Groucho Marx) Sometimes no matter how much you "love" a house the sisters just know that you aren't, for whatever reason, for them. Move on.

Don't Lie: So obvious but boy does it happen! The Reluctant One knows a girl (they grew up together, so she really knows the girl) who was going through recruitment for the second time. Ms. Sophomore let it be known to everyone that last year she received a bid from ABC, a top tier house. She said that she turned it down because ...because....No, it didn't happen. The bid I mean. The houses all heard and she had a very bad time. Sophomores are routinely placed here. It was her. Oh...this is from the Reluctant One who is rather sophisticated: What you do in the dorms and on campus (not just on Facebook) becomes known. Ms. Sophomore had a rep, some pnms developed them really fast. (Mom's note: I think that the PNM meant that while you don't have to be a saint, but don't screw up and make a fool of yourself.)

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Listen to PARTS of the tent talk. Some reputations are importent to understand and be aware (notice I did not say forewarned).

For the record, her other advice is pretty spot on. Clothes matter. They do. Just like they matter in every other aspect of life.

However, I'm curious:

What parts of tent talk should PNMs be paying attention to?

I'm just saying because most of the time it comes from PNMs who are new to the school and have no clue what they're talking about and are just repeating what they've heard from fraternity guys of their girlfriends who sometimes aren't even IN sororities.

Do you have any examples of tent talk that needs to be listened to?

[ellebud]

Regarding tent talk: Yes, my daughter knew some frat boys who's opinions that she may or may not have valued. But in one house she looked at the pictures that they put up of events. She LISTENED to what was importent to the sisters. In one house the discussion turned to sports. (My daughter happened to be a nationally ranked player in a sport, so she was comfortable with participation in sports.) One house specialized in song girls,(What if you have two left feet?) another spoke of frequent luxury/exotic trips. (What if you aren't in the position to go to Africa for spring break?) The tent talk that the Reluctant One listened to centered around her comfort zone. For some pnms all they hear is how socially regarded the house.

She had no trouble ranking (see I got that part right as opposed to dropping) a top tier house lower than a so called middle tier house higher. Virtually all the girls "know" the social tiers after a minute and a half. The trick is to establish your own tiers. (That's the mom talking btw.)

[myopicsunflower]

Ellebud, your daughter is extremely insightful. That is some of the best recruitment advice I've read, and I hope someone makes it a sticky.

Ditto to Jen's breakdown of tent talk. There's gossip, and then there's valid information, and it's important to discern the difference.