Why are questioning PNMs consistently demonized here?

[swtlilsoni]

Originally Posted by kddani

Yep, it was a flippant response. And sorry that you don't have a sense of humor. I didn't realize that we weren't allowed to joke on these boards!

She's seeking private membership information. She likely already sought it on her campus and didn't get the answer she liked. Rho Chis will tell you that membership selection is private. It's also a question that has been asked a billion times on these boards.

If you would've read my response, I went on to say "Seriously, we can't tell you how members are picked. There are a ton of threads that may answer some of your questions, so spend some time reading."

Sorry it wasn't to your liking.

I dont think the argument started because of me pressing for answers. When people said it was private information I said okay and accepted whatever advice was given. The issue started when you and OTW started blaming me for a personal decision I made completely unrelated to the original question.

So although hostility on this board can stem from a poster consistently nagging for answers, just a reminder that it can also come about from personal attacks (which was the case in my thread).

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I know how the NPHC handles these situations, but NPC is a little bit different. We don't mind having people inquire about membership, so completely banning any of these questions is a little hypocritical for us.

Which is exactly what the NPC women in this thread have said - they will address the PNMs issues, to a point.

My post was to point out that, while the OP may not like the *type* of responses given, at least y'all respond, because it does not happen for every group / org.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

Which is exactly what the NPC women in this thread have said - they will address the PNMs issues, to a point.

My post was to point out that, while the OP may not like the *type* of responses given, at least y'all respond, because it does not happen for every group / org.

I think you are misunderstanding me. To a point, I like the way NPHC handles this situation. I think we could learn from NPHC GCers policy not to entertain these questions with a small change. We should respond then close the thread. Stop the drama before it starts.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I dont think the argument started because of me pressing for answers. When people said it was private information I said okay and accepted whatever advice was given. The issue started when you and OTW started blaming me for a personal decision I made completely unrelated to the original question.

If it was completely unrelated, you shouldn't have offered it up to begin with.

We can only answer questions from what people post on here. That goes both ways. Sometimes people don't say enough and get either a better or worse response than they should. Sometimes people say too much and the same thing happens. In your case, you should have just said that you were wondering about member selection, and left it at that without talking about turning down the pref invite. When people say something's private, let it GO. We disclose an awful lot on here (sometimes even too much for my taste, and I never thought I'd say that) and to have a PNM or anyone else keep nagging and saying what we've given isn't enough, doesn't exactly engender warm feelings.

[ASTalumna06]

The point is, PNMs come here to ask questions and look for advice. I think we all understand that they don't completely comprehend the details of sorority life. This is why they ask the questions of the people who do know and understand what sorority life is all about.

So when they ask, and they don't fully understand the answer, or they don't hear what they want to, they ask the same question in a different way, or say "No, you don't get it." And in some cases, they provide very little detail concerning their situation, they receive answers based on those basic questions, and then they get mad because we're "judging" them. If you don't want to provide details, that's fine. But don't get mad when people answer you based on limited information.

And it doesn't just happen with PNMs. There was this thread not too long ago...

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=102329

...where a new member was wondering why she wasn't bonding with her sisters. She said that she doesn't go to a lot of events, and she never goes to mixers and formals and usually makes other plans on those nights. People here gave her good advice about making an effort to hang out and go to social functions, and then she flipped out saying she couldn't because of a medical condition.

Basically, if you're looking for advice from knowledgeable people, you have to be willing to accept what they tell you... even if it's not what you want to hear. Because chances are, we're not lying to you. And if that was the case, this site probably wouldn't have lasted as long as it has.

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by kddani

Yep, it was a flippant response. And sorry that you don't have a sense of humor. I didn't realize that we weren't allowed to joke on these boards!

sorry it wasn't to your liking.

Hey, I love a good joke. The Chuck Norris thread is an alltime favorite.

In this case, the OP wasn't looking for wisecracks and jokes.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I think you are misunderstanding me. ... Stop the drama before it starts.

Oh, I got it. All I was saying is that we stop the drama before it even has a chance to start because that is where the thread usually ends up - too much drama!

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by epchick

So I don't know if it's because I'm almost in a Mexican-food induced coma, but your last few sentences do not make sense. WTH are you talking about? Who isn't "stepping up to the plate" and what aren't they "owning?" And how the heck are those two 'scenarios' the same?

Yes, where are these threads where NPC members are gleefully discussing cutting pnms for not being thin/rich enough? And are these mysterious GCers established posters, or trolls looking for trouble? I have somehow missed these threads . . .

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Yes, where are these threads where NPC members are gleefully discussing cutting pnms for not being thin/rich enough? And are these mysterious GCers established posters, or trolls looking for trouble? I have somehow missed these threads . . .

There aren't any, because that wasn't in my message. I said that there are constant threads where GC members mention how wrong it is for NPC members to make superficial cuts, start rumors about other chapters, for PNMs to act like chapters are beneath them, etc. Essentially, being "mean girls". I am saying that the only differences between those women that nearly all GC members (including me!) are criticizing, and the select GC posters that post constant rude posts to everybody on this site, are purely situational. The attitude, however, is definitely the same exclusive, rude just to be rude, pretentious and insecure "mean girl" phenomenon. And the excuses, "Just deal with it" are the same that both parties would make. Once again, I don't necessarily think this is an unfair or difficult point to make.

And before somebody tells me to just leave GC, they are missing the point because 95% of the women here make very enjoyable posts, many without "sugarcoating" or "blowing sunshine up somebodies ass" (which I think is also wrong). And before somebody misconstrues my post as ludicrous, I think that most of the population understands what I am trying to say, so at this point I'm just starting to assume that people don't want to understand what I am saying.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

And before somebody tells me to just leave GC, they are missing the point because 95% of the women here make very enjoyable posts, many without "sugarcoating" or "blowing sunshine up somebodies ass" (which I think is also wrong).

Not to toot my own horn, but I'd like to think I've mastered the art of being honest with PNMs without being an outright bitch to them.

However, I feel like if a PNM is going to dish out rudeness, I can do that too.

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I think what Trideltsallie is saying (and I tend to agree) is that she would like to see less reactionary responses from the women online. When a young, immature, hurting pnm starts spouting off, take the high road.
Don't belittle yourself or your organization by getting into a pissing match with someone who you know doesn't know better and won't listen. No one wins. And you only hurt your organization. We aren't anonymous...

just my 2cents

and

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

There aren't any, because that wasn't in my message. I said that there are constant threads where GC members mention how wrong it is for NPC members to make superficial cuts, start rumors about other chapters, for PNMs to act like chapters are beneath them, etc. Essentially, being "mean girls". I am saying that the only differences between those women that nearly all GC members (including me!) are criticizing, and the select GC posters that post constant rude posts to everybody on this site, are purely situational. The attitude, however, is definitely the same exclusive, rude just to be rude, pretentious and insecure "mean girl" phenomenon. And the excuses, "Just deal with it" are the same that both parties would make. Once again, I don't necessarily think this is an unfair or difficult point to make.

And before somebody tells me to just leave GC, they are missing the point because 95% of the women here make very enjoyable posts, many without "sugarcoating" or "blowing sunshine up somebodies ass" (which I think is also wrong). And before somebody misconstrues my post as ludicrous, I think that most of the population understands what I am trying to say, so at this point I'm just starting to assume that people don't want to understand what I am saying.

Thank you.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

However, I feel like if a PNM is going to dish out rudeness, I can do that too.

Yes, I’ve noticed a few snarky comments from your end as of late. I only notice because other people will point it out. I haven’t been on this site too long, but I know that for you to be “rude” is rare.

Need advice? Ask KSUviolet06. She’ll be as nice as possible until she just can’t take your crap anymore.

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Not to toot my own horn, but I'd like to think I've mastered the art of being honest with PNMs without being an outright bitch to them.

However, I feel like if a PNM is going to dish out rudeness, I can do that too.

Toot away, I agree with you completely. I think you are very fair. And if a PNM is rude, then I understand it's natural for most to strike back. But I feel that the women I'm talking about will find any opportunity to act rude, many times not even to PNMs or Helicopter Moms.

[FSUZeta]

[QUOTE=KSUViolet06;1777378][COLOR="Magenta"]Not to toot my own horn, but I'd like to think I've mastered the art of being honest with PNMs without being an outright bitch to them.




you are one of the best!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Yes, I’ve noticed a few snarky comments from your end as of late. I only notice because other people will point it out. I haven’t been on this site too long, but I know that for you to be “rude” is rare.

Need advice? Ask KSUviolet06. She’ll be as nice as possible until she just can’t take your crap anymore.

To be honest, I've been around this site for awhile, and I find that 99% of the ladies on GC are the same way. If you ask in a non-rude manner, you'll get a non-rude response.