Tactless and hurtful

flffydg9 · #1 01-28-2009, 08:34 PM

1

libramunoz · #2 01-28-2009, 08:45 PM

I would talk with the young lady in a one-on-one (heart to heart) and let her know that the entire conversation was very upsetting to her. Let her know how it made her feel and what how it attacked her self-esteem. I would let her know that if she had wanted to comment on her bra, then it would have been better to do it in a private conversation between the two of them. I would let her know that your (your daughter) isn't trying to create any tension between the two of them, but that you just wanted to clear the air and continue the bond of sisterhood by starting a new beginning.
It helps your daughter to be able to let it out and tell her not to focus on the negative of her body, but to learn how to turn the situation into something positive without turning her sorrow into negativity or constant anxiety.

DrPhil · #3 01-28-2009, 08:46 PM

1. The active may've been crass and tactless or your daughter may be sensitive. Hard to tell. The active may've been really nice but her curiosity was loud and in the wrong venue. Who knows.

2. Life happens. Your daughter will be okay. ETA: libra's advice sounds good, too.

3. I don't know what you mean by "she continued with 'bra' while they were in line for food." What does that mean?

4. Did your daughter intend for you to bring this here when she told you? I hope not because sometimes we want to talk to a friend or parent without it going further than that, let alone a message board. Just make sure you don't get too involved.

#4 01-28-2009, 08:47 PM

Have your daughter fight her own battles.

FWAP FWAP FWAP FWAP.

XAntoftheSkyX · #5 01-28-2009, 08:48 PM

While I agree it wasn't the best thing to say, perhaps the member was explaining to someone else about your daughter (I have Pectus carinatum, albeit it's very slight). My advice is for your daughter to go to the sister and talk with her and let her know she was upset. Also if anyone else has a question, she should tell the member to refer them to your daughter. It shouldn't be anyone's concern.

VandalSquirrel · #6 01-28-2009, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

Have your daughter fight her own battles.

FWAP FWAP FWAP FWAP.

I feel like there's something amiss here. As if someone is going to come in with advice and/or write a story (authored by Giggly Golfcart?) about college women and their undergarments.

DrPhil · #7 01-28-2009, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I feel like there's something amiss here. As if someone is going to come in with advice and/or write a story (authored by Giggly Golfcart?) about college women and their undergarments.

It could just be a PSA about pectus excavatum.

I'm rather unfamiliar with it.

#8 01-28-2009, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

It could just be a PSA about pectus excavatum.

I'm rather unfamiliar with it.

My BF has it and it's never been an issue since we've been together. His grandfather had it and we think his 3 year old son might have it too, but we can't tell because he's still little.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pectus_excavatum

Benzgirl · #9 01-28-2009, 08:59 PM

Based on postings from the OP last fall, I would need to agree with OTW. Something is wrong with this picture.

DrPhil · #10 01-28-2009, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

My BF has it and it's never been an issue since we've been together. His grandfather had it and we think his 3 year old son might have it too, but we can't tell because he's still little.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pectus_excavatum

Wow.

KSUViolet06 · #11 01-28-2009, 09:19 PM

I get that your daughter may be hurt by this but there are some things to remember:

*Sorority members are just like REGULAR people. They aren't somehow above possibly saying something that could be perceived as tactless.

* People cannot read your daughter's mind or know that she has a pectoral issue before saying things.

*I don't see how this gets posted on a Greek message board. One convo with a member does not reflect poorly on a chapter.

*Your daughter is an adult, and I am certain that she is capable of expressing the fact that she is offended by someone on her own, and does not require mom posting a mesage board about it.

*I think it is a little inappropriate for a mom to be posting about her kid's personal medical issues on a message board.

*Your daughter needs to develop the people skills needed to express her issues with conversations on HER OWN, if she doesn't already have them.

*If she has such a condition, she needs to understand that not everybody is educated about it. I have a disorder, and my sorority sisters have asked me about it, without knowing what it is. I simply look at it as a teachable moment. She should too.

*Kids need to learn to "fight their own' battles in life, whether mommy is offended or not.

DrPhil · #12 01-28-2009, 09:24 PM

Oh, she tried to delete her message.

#13 01-28-2009, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flffydg9

My daughter pledged last week, and today her pledge advisor/active member brought something up that hurt her feelings. The active asked her where she bought her bras, because she "looked o.k. today", but she noticed before that she didn't, and she was wondering if my daughter was simply wearing a "bad underwire". My daughter explained to her that her breastbone is malformed (she has a pectus excavatum), and that's why she looks that way. She believes the girl said a simple "Sorry", but is not sure, as she was so upset about this. To make it worse, the active continued with the word "bra" while they were in line for food, and my daughter had to remind her that they were in public. My daughter was in tears when she called me. Your input, anyone?

QFP!

DrPhil · #14 01-28-2009, 09:28 PM

"assssssss...hooooooooole!"

~ Baby from Meet the Fockers

flffydg9 · #15 01-28-2009, 09:28 PM

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