How to Let a PNM Down Easy

[Smile_Awhile]

My cousin will be rushing in roughly a month at a medium-sized school, with a decent amount of Greek life. I don't know too much about the competitiveness of the school really, but I'd expect it's roughly the same as my school- meaning there will be cuts, but it's not out for blood. She has decided that she IS going to be in XYZ. She's been to all the pre-rush events that occur at a deferred recruitment school, and she just knows she'll get XYZ. As a Greek, albeit at a different school, I know this isn't the case. What can I do to let her know that her bid isn't assured? I really don't want to see her upset- I'd rather she realize this ahead of time rather than when she gets her invites.

Originally Posted by Smile_Awhile

My cousin will be rushing in roughly a month at a medium-sized school, with a decent amount of Greek life. I don't know too much about the competitiveness of the school really, but I'd expect it's roughly the same as my school- meaning there will be cuts, but it's not out for blood. She has decided that she IS going to be in XYZ. She's been to all the pre-rush events that occur at a deferred recruitment school, and she just knows she'll get XYZ. As a Greek, albeit at a different school, I know this isn't the case. What can I do to let her know that her bid isn't assured? I really don't want to see her upset- I'd rather she realize this ahead of time rather than when she gets her invites.

Go to the General Advice thread in the Sorority Recruitment forum and print it out for her. If she still doesn't believe you after reading that you telling her that she should keep an open mind (and that recruitment is MUTUAL SELECTION), encourage her to come here and tell us that she's going to be an XYZ. I'm sure the fine folks here will convince her that going in with that "I'm going to be an XYZ" mindset is a set up for disappointment.

[KSUViolet06]

It's not unusual for PNMs to think they're guaranteed a bid to a sorority. They often really misunderstand the "mutual" part of the term mutual selection.

Hopefully the Rho Chis at her school are informed enough to educate the PNMs on the fact that no one is guaranteed a bid and that they should be open-minded.

I don't really think there's much you can really do. If she asks you for recruitment advice, I would just make sure to tell her to be open minded. I'd also point out that the selection process is mutual, and that it's not just "picking a sorority."

I would assume that she will learn more about the process from the Rho Chis and Greek Life staff as it gets closer and she'll come to understand how it works (that you don't always get what you want).

If it gets to be right before recruitment and she is still insisting that she's going to get a bid from XYZ, then I'd just sit back and see what happens.

[gee_ess]

I think you should take whatever opportunity arises to educate her on the process. You will do her a disservice if you just nod and say nothing, all the while knowing differently.

Just talk with her about recruitment; think of yourself as a rho chi and not a member of ABC, and that should help her. I agree with KSUViolet06 that she will learn more from her campus Greek Life staff as she gets more involved, but you can share some tips now.

Of course, she may very well GET a bid to XYZ which will only confirm what she thinks she knows...until she goes through recruitment on the inside!

[Kevin]

It doesn't sound like she really needs your "help."

Just let her go through rush. Hopefully her recruitment counselor will steer her in the right direction.