Problems with my chapter

[LaRues_Lady]

Formal recruitment has just ended on my campus (I am intentionally not naming where I go to school or what sorority I'm in) and to say the least it was discouraging, disheartening, and disgusting.

We're a small chapter on campus (we have between 20 and 22 members, depending on when and if a couple of the girls decide to drop or not), and three of our girls were recruitment councilors and had to be unaffiliated. During our recruitment parties we only had about 10 to 12 chapter members show up and somehow they thought we'd get 25 girls...

Anyway, what bothered me the most and still makes me VERY hot under the collar, so to speak, is that there was a girl who was/is VERY interested in our chapter and wanted to pledge only us. She did her research and was VERY informed on not only our national organization but also our chapter (when we came to campus, community service projects we do...). The "problem" with her that was given in our selection session was basically her weight (she's a bigger girl but so are other members of my chapter) and she "smelled bad," which was an out and out BOLD FACED LIE. I spent significant time with this girl at the parties, even sitting next to her for over an hour and I can attest to the fact that she DOES NOT SMELL BAD (when I called the girl who said this on it, she back-tracked and stammered around). They were also commenting about how her "butt hangs out of her jeans," but hey, it happens to all of us at one time or another no matter how careful we are.

The decision on this girl was split right down the middle. The older girls (the girls I pledged with) voted TWICE to let this girl in and the "pretty" girls (who came in last year during fall recruitment, one of which is the one who said the girl smelled bad) are the ones who voted not to extend her a bid. When it came down to it, the advisory board (who had never met this girl) voted not to let her in.

This upsets me SO much because we've always prided ourselves on being the sorority on campus that wants to take you as you are, not wanting or trying to change you, and the only reason this girl didn't get into the chapter is because of her physical appearance (weight, didn't wear the most fashionable clothes [but they were clean and neat], and doesn't wear make-up [but really, if you're not comfortable wearing make-up, isn't that YOUR choice?]). She would have been a VERY good chapter member and someone I would have been proud to have as a sister.

We (the older members) are bringing this matter up at our next chapter meeting, but there are also other things going on that make me very uncomfortable. Underage drinking (I have Facebook pictures), unapproved parties with fraternities where there is underage drinking (I have Facebook messages of the underage girl who has organized the parties and is telling everyone that the fraternity [and not the licensed third party vendor we're supposed to have] is providing the alcohol), and many other things that according to our Nationals is not kosher. If I weren't about to go alum I would take these things to Nationals immediately but I've already put so much time and energy into this sorority and I love the sorority in general, but this chapter is a long ways down in the gutter from when I first came into it.

Also, because we had so few bids we extended, our ADVISORS decided to give bids to every girl who came to our open house even if they didn’t come back or show ANY interest in us, but not to the girl who came to EVERY party she was allowed to come to per NPC rules. That is the disgusting part of it all.

So basically, I am wondering how I can go about letting my National board in on the bad things in this chapter (underage drinking, illegal selection session…) and if they will take any action. They seem to be pretty strict on advertised parties with alcohol, so I’m wondering if they’ll do the same for a party that was held but not approved by nationals. Also, if something should happen and Nationals comes in and pulls our charter before I’m eligible to be an alum, is there any way I could still go alum? It seems that I’ve heard somewhere that seniors in the chapter can go alum if that happens, but this doesn’t exactly sound right to me.

Thanks for sticking it out and reading this post! And any help/advice/suggestions you could give me would be GREATLY appreciated. THANK YOU ALL!!!

[KSUViolet06]

Most likely, if you bring these things to them, they WILL take action of some sort. You may receive some kind of disciplinary action, or your charter may be put in jeopardy.

You need to address these issues IN HOUSE before you take it to your HQ because there is no taking it back once you do. I suggest going to your area advisors or regional staff (whomever is over your local advisors) before you go straight to HQ.

Whether you'd be considered an alumna should your chapter close, depends on the sorority. I know that in my particular sorority, all initiated members in good standing are granted alumna status when a chapter is closed.

[AOII Angel]

Before you go to HQ, sit back, take a deep breath and think hard about your motives. Are you trying to get your chapter closed to get back at the younger girls (who will be most affected) who made a decision you don't agree with or are you really concerned about rooting out a major problem that your alumnae haven't been able to control? If you haven't given your advisers a chance to handle the problem, then you're not doing your chapter a favor by going straight to nationals. Have the older sisters get together and explain to the younger girls why you are concerned about the treatment of this PNM and how upset you are that your standards are changing. In the end, however, you have to accept that soon you will no longer have any say in who the chapter pledges.

[33girl]

Edited because I didn't realize the advisors gave bids to randoms without nationals' OK. (How many actually took them?) I would definitely go to your area/district peson about that, unless your bylaws say it's allowed.

As for the girl who the chapter was split about....my chapter went through the exact same thing with old vs new sisters wanting to bid different types of people. The thing to remember though is, you & the older sisters ARE the ones who picked the new sisters who are opposing you now. (Unless, of course, it was your advisory board who picked them.) They are going to have their own ideas and they aren't always going to be yours. Like AOII Angel said, you have to face the fact that every chapter member is not necessarily going to be someone you would want as a sister (or vice versa) and trust their judgement. It's hard as hell sometimes, but it is "the circle of life."

It really does sound like you want to bust them on the drinking just to "get back" at them. Remember if you do that, you might not have a chapter to come back to. (Of course, if only half your chapter is showing up for rush, that might happen anyway.)

Unless there were problems before this, I don't think the chapter would get closed for asking for help. But I also wouldn't go to nationals with all these problems. Instead just slimply state you need some help with recruitment and values based recruitment because you're afraid things are heading the in wrong direction. You can ask for help without trying to get people in trouble. If it's possible you're nationals could send someone to help get your chapter back in track. These personal problems should be solved before that person gets there though. I mean, even though my chapter is really on track with what our IGB wants, there are still things we wouldn't tell them. I don't think your chapter would get in trouble or be closed for fighting about who to give a bid, but it's not your national's job to solve those little problems. It is their job, however, to guide you in how to chose who to give a bid to.

[SigKapSweetie]

Sounds like you might benefit from a chapter consultant to spend some time with your chapter talking about values-based recruitment. Could you contact your regional recruitment advisor (whatever your org calls that position) and request this?

[33girl]

VBR is great but I don't think it's going to help them if the advisors are picking who gets bids. That sounds like the biggest problem here IMO.

[honeychile]

One thought: a similar situation happened with my chapter, years ago. The PNM is question was beautiful, talented, came from a prominent family, but had the foulest mouth at the weirdest times. Half of the chapter loved her (there was serious talk about Tourette's), the other half actively hated her.

Somehow, she got a bid. The tiniest misstep this poor girl took was blown completely out of proportion, everyone started to take sides, and it ended up that half of the chapter quit speaking to the other. Our suite was a minefield! Once the chapter was torn apart - several sisters took alumna status by Christmas break - she depledged, taking two other pledges with her. We went from being one of the largest, most respected chapters on campus to half that size and half that reputation with ONE WOMAN. There are sisters from that era who still don't speak to each other.

So, if I could give one piece of advice to any chapter doing membership selection, I would say to consider each PNM as if she is the only new member that they take that semester. I've yet to meet the PNM who is so perfect that she's worth the risk of losing half the chapter.

[agzg]

When I was an active, I was in a similar situation where I felt like (along with a couple of other sisters) my chapter was going down the tubes. We didn't have numbers problems but we did have other problems that were causing lots and lots of drama in the group. We put it before the whole chapter, nothing got done (except it caused a big fight), we called our advisor, nothing got done, finally we had to have a heart to heart with a Leadership Consultant.

This caused HUGE drama in the chapter, because they claimed that "no one told them" and we "just went over everybody's heads," even our Chapter advisor claimed that we never talked to her, even though I had phone bills that proved that I called her and spent over an hour on the phone with her at least three times before the LC got there.

Regardless, that's just my personal drama - not really part of the advice I'm going to give you.

Find out who, in the chapter, is in line with your ideals. The more there are of you, the better (in my situation it was 3 out of 40 that were vocal about their concerns, and about 4 others that agreed but were not vocal about it - not really great odds). Try to figure out a way to bring it up to chapter that the bid thing was upsetting to you guys, and you really felt like this PNM in particular would have been a great asset to the chapter. Talk to them, and weigh the options of a recruitment advisor. See if you guys can get a recruitment advisor in there to help you out WITHOUT pulling THAT drama into the mix.

As far as the underage drinking goes - it's going to happen. I don't know one member of my chapter that did not have a drink, underage, at various sorority functions. Mixers with fraternities that are not at third party vendors happen. It's stupid and goes against the RM policies of your sorority (in fact, it might go against the RM policies of ALL NPC organizations), but they happen. Does your chapter have a membership or standards chair? Ours was on exec board (Vice President of Member Development), and we had "talks" during business meetings about the negative aspects of facebook, and how important it was to realize that we're representing our chapter, even on the internet. Our VPMD often said "it's alright to have pictures of girls having fun (bowling, going to the movies, going to sporting events), it's not alright to have pictures of girls getting drunk."

Sometimes the drinking issue you can't really fight until something bad happens, unfortunately. But you can promote responsible drinking situations, and promote the values that keep you together and help you take care of each other.

And I'd definitely talk to someone about advisors giving out bids.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by honeychile

One thought: a similar situation happened with my chapter, years ago. The PNM is question was beautiful, talented, came from a prominent family, but had the foulest mouth at the weirdest times. Half of the chapter loved her (there was serious talk about Tourette's), the other half actively hated her.

Somehow, she got a bid. The tiniest misstep this poor girl took was blown completely out of proportion, everyone started to take sides, and it ended up that half of the chapter quit speaking to the other. Our suite was a minefield! Once the chapter was torn apart - several sisters took alumna status by Christmas break - she depledged, taking two other pledges with her. We went from being one of the largest, most respected chapters on campus to half that size and half that reputation with ONE WOMAN. There are sisters from that era who still don't speak to each other.

So, if I could give one piece of advice to any chapter doing membership selection, I would say to consider each PNM as if she is the only new member that they take that semester. I've yet to meet the PNM who is so perfect that she's worth the risk of losing half the chapter.

I have a similar story involving not taking a girl who was the sister of an active collegian at the time. It didn't go as far as your chapter, but the entire year was from hell! Half of my class would speak to the other half. To this day, I think that sometimes it's best to just suck it up an put up with someone that isn't perfect to keep the peace! In the end, I think there are a lot of immature people who are ready to make a mountain out of a tiny little mole hill. The only truly horrible outcome to my story is that one of my favorite sisters, who exuded AOII values, quit since her sister was told she just wasn't good enough.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

This caused HUGE drama in the chapter, because they claimed that "no one told them" and we "just went over everybody's heads," even our Chapter advisor claimed that we never talked to her, even though I had phone bills that proved that I called her and spent over an hour on the phone with her at least three times before the LC got there.

The moral to this story is....document, document, document! Send and email to your advisor, executive committee and save it. Make sure that your recording secretary includes any discussion of the topic in your minutes. If she doesn't, have someone who is like-minded take notes. In medicine, we always say that "If it's not written down, it didn't happen." Your HQ will appreciate having the facts as well to get a picture of what is really going on.

P.S. I missed the part about your advisers deciding who gets bids. That is a huge problem! I have little doubt that your GLO would not be okay with that!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

The moral to this story is....document, document, document! Send and email to your advisor, executive committee and save it. Make sure that your recording secretary includes any discussion of the topic in your minutes. If she doesn't, have someone who is like-minded take notes. In medicine, we always say that "If it's not written down, it didn't happen." You HQ will appreciate having the facts as well to get a picture of what is really going on.

let the church say AAAAAAAMENN. And if you have a phone or in-person conversation with an advisor, Greek life director or anyone else, send a follow up email asap - "This is to confirm our conversation regarding blah blah blah" and outline all the pertinent points made or discussed.

It sounds like you're being anal and bitchy, but belieeeeeve me, once you get burned, it's a lesson you will never forget.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by 33girl

let the church say AAAAAAAMENN. And if you have a phone or in-person conversation with an advisor, Greek life director or anyone else, send a follow up email asap - "This is to confirm our conversation regarding blah blah blah" and outline all the pertinent points made or discussed.

It sounds like you're being anal and bitchy, but belieeeeeve me, once you get burned, it's a lesson you will never forget.

True. So I suppose that was the point in posting part of my story.

[FSUZeta]

even if "everyone drinks underage" at a sorority sanctioned event at one time or another-it can cost a chapter its charter. does your chapter have a judicial board? sounds like someone needs to go to judicial to me.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

even if "everyone drinks underage" at a sorority sanctioned event at one time or another-it can cost a chapter its charter. does your chapter have a judicial board? sounds like someone needs to go to judicial to me.

Right obviously you can lose your charter because of underage drinking, but you can't play "mommy" to all members at all times. Yeah, just because "everyone drinks" doesn't make it right (I think I mentioned that it goes against the RM policies of NPC organizations), but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, and doesn't mean it isn't going to happen.

Turning them into HQ, without trying to solve some of the problems at the chapter level? Overkill. There needs to be a balance between girls wanting to have fun and what's safe within that spectrum, plus chapter members need to keep in mind how it portrays the organization when pictures from that event are plastered all over facebook.