Elope? - Page 2

33girl · #16 06-02-2008, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VAgirl18

I think that one thing keeping me from throwing our own wedding is I know that my parents would not show up. It won't be one of those things where they say that and turn up that day either.

This EXACT situation happened to my big big. The planning got way out of hand so they eloped and had a ceremony renewing their vows and the reception a year later. Her dad STILL didn't show up, but I think eventually they got over it.

If you want, I will totally call the site and say I'm your mom and cancel it for you.

VAgirl18 · #17 06-02-2008, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Wedding planning should not make you stressed to the point of waking up sweating and sick. If you feel this way now, the more you go with you mom's plans, the worse you'll feel. You won't be excited about the day because it won't be something you wanted.

Also, if she's doing this now, think of AFTER you're married. She'll want to tell you how to raise your kids, how to clean your house, etc.

I say put the ball back in your court and elope.

She's just going to try and run my whole life forever, isn't she? Everyone still teases me because I pay my own bills and live 3,000 miles away, and my parents still try and control everything.

Maybe a weddingmoon is a good idea.

VAgirl18 · #18 06-02-2008, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

This EXACT situation happened to my big big. The planning got way out of hand so they eloped and had a ceremony renewing their vows and the reception a year later. Her dad STILL didn't show up, but I think eventually they got over it.

If you want, I will totally call the site and say I'm your mom and cancel it for you.

Hahaha. Now only if the money would go directly on my credit card and not back on her's. Find a way for that to happen and I'll give you a 30% cut.

KSUViolet06 · #19 06-02-2008, 02:48 PM

It also seems like the only reason you want to go with mom's plan is because you're scared she won't show up.

This is going to sound cliche, but you're her daughter and she loves you. She'll come around if you choose to elope. I don't see her never wanting to be in your lives at all because of ONE DAY.

VAgirl18 · #20 06-02-2008, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

It also seems like the only reason you want to go with mom's plan is because you're scared she won't show up.

This is going to sound cliche, but you're her daughter and she loves you. She'll come around if you choose to elope. I don't see her never wanting to be in your lives at all because of ONE DAY.

Well, I don't think his parents would show up either...but that's more because of financial reasons. I think if we just made it about us and ran off on our own and nobody came...then it might be a compromise.

KSUViolet06 · #21 06-02-2008, 02:59 PM

At the end of the day, it's all about what you two will feel comfortable with.

In 20 years, do you want to remember your wedding as "we did a small destination wedding in ________ for a few close friends and family/by ourselves."

Or

"We had our wedding at this place in DC where my mom wanted to have it, and spent a ton of money."

It's almost a better financial choice to elope as well. You can spend the extra money on a downpayment for a house or other investment in your future.

SydneyK · #22 06-02-2008, 03:01 PM

How about saying (to both sets of parents):
"We're getting married in this chapel (or courthouse, beach, lumber yard, whatever) on this day at this time. We'll pay for plane tickets for all parents to come celebrate with us."

All parents are equally involved at no cost to them. If your parents choose not to come, then while sad, that's their choice (that they'll probably live to regret).

VAgirl18 · #23 06-02-2008, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

At the end of the day, it's all about what you two will feel comfortable with.

In 20 years, do you want to remember your wedding as "we did a small destination wedding in ________ for a few close friends and family/by ourselves."

Or

"We had our wedding at this place in DC where my mom wanted to have it, and spent a ton of money."

It's almost a better financial choice to elope as well. You can spend the extra money on a downpayment for a house or other investment in your future.

Discussing things with the FI when he gets home from work.

Benzgirl · #24 06-02-2008, 03:14 PM

let us know what happens. You have a lot of support coming from our direction

VAgirl18 · #25 06-02-2008, 04:46 PM

So, I talked to the fiance and he basically told me to do what I want. Called my mom to ask if the money she allocated for the wedding budget could be given to us for a down payment instead. Then my mom began asking me why all of a sudden I wanted to elope and what brought it on, etc. Proceeded to tell her the same things that I had told her prior and how what she allocated was not enough to throw a DC wedding. Sent her a spreadsheet with what we would need financially. Finally after more arguing and discussions on how every girl should have their one day, she caved. She agreed to back off, trim the guest list, and raise the budget. I just have one stipulation..I can't tell my dad.

In the end I'm still not sure its worth it nor do I think that she'll fully back off. I think that my mom would rather spend a frivolous amount on one day than giving me money for a down payment.

We'll see how this turns out.

#26 06-02-2008, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VAgirl18

So, I talked to the fiance and he basically told me to do what I want. Called my mom to ask if the money she allocated for the wedding budget could be given to us for a down payment instead. Then my mom began asking me why all of a sudden I wanted to elope and what brought it on, etc. Proceeded to tell her the same things that I had told her prior and how what she allocated was not enough to throw a DC wedding. Sent her a spreadsheet with what we would need financially. Finally after more arguing and discussions on how every girl should have their one day, she caved. She agreed to back off, trim the guest list, and raise the budget. I just have one stipulation..I can't tell my dad.

In the end I'm still not sure its worth it nor do I think that she'll fully back off. I think that my mom would rather spend a frivolous amount on one day than giving me money for a down payment.

We'll see how this turns out.

(((VAgirl18)))

Senusret I · #27 06-02-2008, 04:53 PM

Little did you know I was in the room with her with my baseball bat, so that helped too.

VAgirl18 · #28 06-02-2008, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

(((VAgirl18)))

thanks

VAgirl18 · #29 06-02-2008, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Little did you know I was in the room with her with my baseball bat, so that helped too.

Sweet.

I'll be back in town in August! We need a get together...cause I'm gonna need a few drinks after all of this.

DSTCHAOS · #30 06-02-2008, 05:33 PM

I say tell your mom to sit her butt down somewhere and you do the wedding the way YOU want to do it. I guess my family is different because we tell each other to back off regarding such things because we're all unapologetically grown.

Why deny you and your future hubby the wedding experience (if you two want one) because of your family?

But if you two won't resent not having a wedding, then elope and do the snazzy reception thing whenever you choose to have your reception. Just don't let the momzilla take over the reception or take over the rest of your life, for that matter. You'll have to tell her to sit down sometime so she'll know that she needs to sit down.