Actives and Alumni not getting along

SSS1365 · #1 02-13-2002, 10:20 AM

I need some advice. We've got a weird situation here.

Our chapter has come to dread visits from recent alumnae (the older ones are okay, I'm talking about ones that just graduated a year or two ago) because they rearrange our chapter room, leave a huge mess for us to clean up, and show up drunk in their letters to public events in the middle of the day. We could lose recognition from the college over this, not to mention our charter because our nationals has strict rules about alcohol.

Last night, our alumnae relations chair sent out an e-mail to our alumnae informing them of our upcoming Pearl Ball (our spring formal). At the very end it says, "If you plan on coming and staying in the chapter room, please do not disrespect it. It is just as much yours as it is ours."

Just those two little sentences sparked irate e-mails from several of our alumnae, telling us about how we don't respect them and one even went so far as to say she won't support us in anything we do anymore. In my opinion, we subtly addressed a situation in a mature manner, by not pointing fingers or making any direct accusations. Now it seems like we're in this big war between the alumnae and the actives. I absolutely hate the fact that it's like this, I mean aren't alumnae supposed to support the chapter? We have always welcomed them here for visits, and now just because we asked them not to disrespect us when they do visit, it seems like they hate us.

How should we handle this? Because right now, our alumnae relations aren't looking so good...

AOX81 · #2 02-13-2002, 11:06 AM

I'm alumnae and I would never do that. I would directly address that person and ask her when the party was going to be at her house so you could go trash it. I bet she wouldn't like it very much. A sorority house is a home to active members and she must have let that slip her mind somewhere down the place.

As for them drinking in their letters...in my sorority that is NOT allowed. We believe that is totally disrespectful to our organization.

If older members are being petty about this whole situation maybe it is better that they are not around. Sorry to say this but it is true in some cases. There have been a few drama queens in my organization and the active members don't make a great effort to keep them involved.

I hope this helps a little bit

SSS1365 · #3 02-13-2002, 11:28 AM

Thanks, I agree with you about being better off without people like that around. I hate to say it, but they were here a few weeks ago for bid day, and I was not looking forward to it. Honestly, it doesn't hurt my feelings if some of them don't want to come back. It's weird though, because we think they're being petty and they think the same thing about us.

AOX81 · #4 02-13-2002, 03:21 PM

Bad apples can taint the whole group...how do you think organizations get stereotyped? I would just make less of an effort to contact them for events and if they want to be involved they will contact you.

Peaches-n-Cream · #5 02-13-2002, 03:47 PM

My sorority never had a chapter house so this was never an issue for us. I suggest that you hold the next event you have involving alumni in a public place rather than in the house. It is amazing how well behaved people are when they are in public. They might trash your house, but they would never trash a restaurant or a rented room. I think that you should have a code of conduct that includes both the actives and alumni. If the alumni have a problem with that, then maybe it is better that they not participate in your events. Good Luck!

phimualumnc · #6 02-13-2002, 04:00 PM

Hi SSS1365-

I'm also an alum and agree with AOX81 - my chapter doesn't allow drinking while in letters - it's very disrepectful to any sorority.
Talk to those that are causing you problems. Too often those girls that just graduated aren't able to move on and still want to be collegians. Can you talk to your Alum Chapter Pres or even your chapter adviser? That may be a good way to have intervention - have another alum talk to them. Keeps you out of the middle as much as possible.

Best of luck!

Tom Earp · #7 02-13-2002, 07:20 PM

Simple!!!!!

Tell them to shut up or hit the door!

The Actives Run the Day To Day Chapter!

If Alums come down and act like Butt Holes, tell them until they come back and act civil, be gone!

SSS1365 · #8 02-13-2002, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cream
My sorority never had a chapter house so this was never an issue for us. I suggest that you hold the next event you have involving alumni in a public place rather than in the house. It is amazing how well behaved people are when they are in public. They might trash your house, but they would never trash a restaurant or a rented room. I think that you should have a code of conduct that includes both the actives and alumni. If the alumni have a problem with that, then maybe it is better that they not participate in your events. Good Luck!

We don't have a chapter house either. My campus has a sorority residence hall, and our chapter room is located in it. Some alumae were here for the weekend that we got our new girls after recruitment, and they stayed in the chapter room on couches. We couldn't very well force them to go sleep in hotel rooms. But then again, I guess there's nothing that says we have to let them stay in our chapter room either. I'm offended that we were hospitable, as we should be, and they took advantage of it.

As far as acting decent in public... Well with some of our alumnae, I am ashamed to say this is not true. They don't drink IN their letters... they know that's wrong. In fact, Tri Sigma is supposed to be a dry sorority. But what they DO do is go out and get drunk, then come back and put on letters and go out in public and act stupid. One semester, they were yelling at the Greek advisor and one of them was rolling around on the ground... she was SO drunk! It was highly embarrassing.

Thanks for everyone's input and advice... I was just wondering what relatively unbiased people would think. And I hope that no one else has to deal with such things

33girl · #9 02-13-2002, 10:41 PM

Seems I am the lone opposing voice, although that's never stopped me before...

Quote:

Originally posted by SSS1365

In my opinion, we subtly addressed a situation in a mature manner, by not pointing fingers or making any direct accusations.

Well, um, no you didn't. In an invitation addressed to alumnae - ALL the alumnae - you take a very negative tone telling them not to do something that hasn't happened yet? I would be VERY offended if I was an alumna and received that email. If there are a few who have been pains in the butt, they should have been addressed directly, preferably by a senior or another active who is close friends with them. Plus, a general apology should go out ASAP, before any more damage is done.

I went up to our house a lot as an alum and even if we slept in the living room (that would qualify as our chapter room) we kept our overnight bags and stuff in an individual sister's room. I would never think of leaving things out in the open, one because it makes it look messy, and two because all sorts of people are tramping through there - I mean I don't want some random fraternity man rigling through my underwear. I would think it would be even more so in a residence hall. Maybe from now on when people come up, just let them know they need to keep their belongings out of the common area.

As far as the drinking, was this a problem that was going on when they were actives? If so, that's when it should have been addressed. But if it wasn't, guess what, you're stuck with it, unless you want to try to discipline an alumna. Not only that, Longwood is small enough that I would assume people will know they're Sigmas whether they're in letters or not.

Try and see things from their point of view - they worked hard for the chapter (and from what you've said about numbers problems, that is stressful enough right there) and now they want to come back and have sisterhood be about fun without the stress. They need to blow off steam that they couldn't while they were in school, and unfortunately it is getting blown onto the actives. Please try and get this fixed as soon as possible (and saying "@$%# them" does not qualify as fixing it) because angry alumnae is a situation that tends to snowball. Some of them may be pains in the ass now, but 1) they may tell sisters who would have been supportive alumnae, their view only, and there goes your support; and 2) they may settle down 5 years from now and have the money and time to support the chapter but decide not to. Please don't think I am saying put up with outright abuse or policy violations (which they are not committing) because they are alums, but this situation should have been handled more delicately.

And for everyone who hates putting up with their alumnae

be careful what you wish for, or you will surely get it, and those alums might not be around, just when you need them most.

SSS1365 · #10 02-14-2002, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl

Well, um, no you didn't. In an invitation addressed to alumnae - ALL the alumnae - you take a very negative tone telling them not to do something that hasn't happened yet? I would be VERY offended if I was an alumna and received that email. If there are a few who have been pains in the butt, they should have been addressed directly, preferably by a senior or another active who is close friends with them. Plus, a general apology should go out ASAP, before any more damage is done.

Something that hasn't happened yet???? Did you skip over the part where I talked about all the stuff they have done repeatedly? They do it EVERY time they are here. And the letter was mostly addressed to those that come and therefore take part in all the crap that goes on. We only have the most recent alumnae email addresses. If we had every alumna, well then that would be a hell of a lot of people!

I'm not sure what the officer board is going to do about it. But IMHO, I think we deserve an apology. I'm not one to apologize when I haven't done anything wrong, especially when something wrong has been done to me. I'm not a pushover, and I hope that my sisters aren't either.

Tom Earp · #11 02-14-2002, 05:12 PM

I reiterate, tell them to Knock it off or hit the bricks!

If they have no respect, then they are wrong!

I never went back to my house or anyother Chapters house and trashed it!

If they act like self indulgent children, then they should not be there!

NO ONE has been my Chapter longeer than I have and I still have respect for the House as IT IS STILL MINE!

If they tear something up BILL THEM for Damages! Maybe they will learn! If they do not pay, then tell them they are not welcome to come back! Maybe they will learn a lesson!

33girl · #12 02-15-2002, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SSS1365

We only have the most recent alumnae email addresses. If we had every alumna, well then that would be a hell of a lot of people!

I couldn't tell from your post whether it had gone out to just last year's alumnae, or all 100+ years worth. I could just see some sweet little 90 year old wondering what on earth she had done

.

You are totally justified in being pissed off, and the situation needs to be addressed. But if the only sisters who messed up the chapter room and were drunken nuts were Mary, Jane and Susie, then the situation (and the tone in the email) should have been addressed to Mary, Jane and Susie ONLY. Unless every single alumna who got that email engaged in the behavior you're describing, it was over the line and rude to send it out. I mean - imagine if some sorority in Anytown USA got busted for running an LSD lab and you and every other sorority in the country got a letter admonishing you about not manufacturing LSD. Wouldn't you be a little offended for being reprimanded for something you never thought of doing? I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

SSS1365 · #13 02-15-2002, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl

I couldn't tell from your post whether it had gone out to just last year's alumnae, or all 100+ years worth. I could just see some sweet little 90 year old wondering what on earth she had done .

LOL, that is a funny picture... Sorry I didn't make that clear to begin with

As for addressing only to those that have done wrong, I have to agree with you there. I know from experience that it's not fun to get emails bitching you out for things you had nothing to do with. We have issues with a couple of sisters always leaving the kitchen a mess... But that's another story. Fortunately, most of the alumnae who were sent the email were people who have taken part in the various activities. I was alumnae relations chair last semester, and if it had been me sending out the email, the part about disrespecting the chapter room wouldn't have been included. I didn't know what had been said to the alumnae until after the damage had already been done. That doesn't change the fact that I think they're blowing it out of proportion though. Thanks for all your advice, everyone

Tom Earp · #14 02-15-2002, 06:15 PM

Just explain to all of the Alums that you hve E-M for that this does not mean all of them! Only the few that come in and Trash Their House, and I gaurentee they will be Pissed also!

I have 1/3 of the e-m of my alums as I have been working for 2 years to get them and am still finding them today!

This is how you keep in touch as best as you can and the cheapest!

Of course there will be some that do not wnat to be contacted and that is their fault not yours!

Hang in and do what your heart tells you to do that is the best guide!

SAEalumnus · #15 02-25-2002, 02:07 PM

The major problem, as I see it, is that these alumnae think that just because they've graduated, that they no longer have to follow all of the rules that actives have to. I'd be willing to bet that none of them acted in quite that manner when they were still undergraduates. What they (the alumnae) need to remember is that it's no longer "their" chapter or chapter house from the standpoint of being active is concerned. You, the undergraduates, have to run the chapter and live in the house, and so from that standpoint it's yours and not theirs. If they can't treat the undergraduates with the respect that another member of the same glo would deserve, then they should be asked to leave and to refrain from returning until they can act in a more sisterly and civilized manner.