I want to become closer friends, but I don't want them to ask me for some a$$

[Dionysus]

There's two people I know who has joined my circle recently (like a couple of months ago). They seem really cool, and I would like to get to know both of them better. They're pleasant/fun to be around and seem to be trustworthy...eventhough I have trust issues. So, that's big compliment coming from me. However, I'm 90% sure that both of them like me more than a friend. There's couple of reasons why I don't want to date or hook up with either of them. 1. As I mentioned earlier, I'm just not that into messing around with people within the same group of friends. 2. We are sexually incompatable.

I've been acting hot/cold around these two people. I would go from showering them with attention to pretty much ignoring them. I don't like doing that but I don't want them to get the wrong idea. If one of them asks me out, and I reject them, I'm scared it will stir a lot of drama...especially with one person. Even if I say "yes", one person will get left out, then there could be drama between them! I'm shocked there isn't any already.

BTW, I've had a horrible experience with a certain guy five years ago. Same situation. He actually accused me of being a tease, and made my life miserable. I don't want something like this to repeat!

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? How do you communicate that you would like to be good friends, but you don't "love them like that" (and not hurt their feelings)?

[Animate]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

How do you communicate that you would like to be good friends, but you don't "love them like that" (and not hurt their feelings)?

I think you just did. You just have to determine an appropriate level of good friends.

[TonyB06]

you're reading too much into stuff. stop acting (hot/cold) and just do you. If they get mad at your decision, then maybe they weren't friend material.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

There's two people I know who has joined my circle recently (like a couple of months ago). They seem really cool, and I would like to get to know both of them better. They're pleasant/fun to be around and seem to be trustworthy...eventhough I have trust issues. So, that's big compliment coming from me. However, I'm 90% sure that both of them like me more than a friend. There's couple of reasons why I don't want to date or hook up with either of them. 1. As I mentioned earlier, I'm just not that into messing around with people within the same group of friends. 2. We are sexually incompatable.

I've been acting hot/cold around these two people. I would go from showering them with attention to pretty much ignoring them. I don't like doing that but I don't want them to get the wrong idea. If one of them asks me out, and I reject them, I'm scared it will stir a lot of drama...especially with one person. Even if I say "yes", one person will get left out, then there could be drama between them! I'm shocked there isn't any already.

BTW, I've had a horrible experience with a certain guy five years ago. Same situation. He actually accused me of being a tease, and made my life miserable. I don't want something like this to repeat!

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? How do you communicate that you would like to be good friends, but you don't "love them like that" (and not hurt their feelings)?

Remeber,you as the lady, gets the final say so over who gets what....and F*ck feelings...if you are not liking them like that please be upfront...men are not mindreaders...we only go with what you all put out there. Don't put the signals out there if that isn't your intention and if they still don't have a clue....talk to them face to face. They will either respect your decision or not and that will show you what THIER intention is also.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

There's two people I know who has joined my circle recently (like a couple of months ago). They seem really cool, and I would like to get to know both of them better. They're pleasant/fun to be around and seem to be trustworthy...eventhough I have trust issues. So, that's big compliment coming from me. However, I'm 90% sure that both of them like me more than a friend. There's couple of reasons why I don't want to date or hook up with either of them. 1. As I mentioned earlier, I'm just not that into messing around with people within the same group of friends. 2. We are sexually incompatable.

I've been acting hot/cold around these two people. I would go from showering them with attention to pretty much ignoring them. I don't like doing that but I don't want them to get the wrong idea. If one of them asks me out, and I reject them, I'm scared it will stir a lot of drama...especially with one person. Even if I say "yes", one person will get left out, then there could be drama between them! I'm shocked there isn't any already.

BTW, I've had a horrible experience with a certain guy five years ago. Same situation. He actually accused me of being a tease, and made my life miserable. I don't want something like this to repeat!

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? How do you communicate that you would like to be good friends, but you don't "love them like that" (and not hurt their feelings)?

Dionysus, I've never been in a situation like yours, but you should go with your first instinct. If they get mad about it and you never hear from them again, then you don't need them in your circle of friends anyway.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Remeber,you as the lady, gets the final say so over who gets what....and F*ck feelings...if you are not liking them like that please be upfront...men are not mindreaders...we only go with what you all put out there. Don't put the signals out there if that isn't your intention and if they still don't have a clue....talk to them face to face. They will either respect your decision or not and that will show you what THIER intention is also.

Who said she was talking about guys?

[AKA_Monet]

Di-

Are you choosing a mate for life or are you still having fun? If you are choosing a mate for life, then you based on your values and what is commensurate with each of their values, then you may have to choose. If you are still having fun, then either one of two things will happen, both will be together with you or the choice gets made by each of them. If I was in your situation, I would be about making my own choices and decisions and living with the consequences...

NEVER let me hear someone accuse you of YOUR DECISIONS!!! That past thought it could hurt you by labeling you. Can you be defined?

[tld221]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Who said she was talking about guys?

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Who said she was talking about guys?

Either way, I don't know Dionysus enough to know what her orientation and it's none of my biz either.

(and my apologies for assuming Dionysus)

The main idea and scope of what I said still does not change:


Dionysus ....make your intentions known to both people male ....female, alien...whatever....being upfront about what you expect is key...if they can't respect you for that...that is on them. But not ever discussing intent gives others the idea that you are leading them on and you can save yourself and them a lot of time and frustration by simply being upfront and forthcoming.

If you run hot/cold...let them know to expect that and not much more until YOU say so.

No... means... no.

[SOPi_Jawbreaker]

I misread the title of this thread. I missed the "a". I was reading it as "I want to become closer friends, but I don't want them to ask me for some $$".


I read through the original post twice and could not, for the life of me, figure out where Dionysus was getting this idea that her new friends would ask her for money. Makes much more sense now that I see what the title really is.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

I've been acting hot/cold around these two people. I would go from showering them with attention to pretty much ignoring them. I don't like doing that

o.k. then don't do it.

[James]

If they like you, hot and cold is teasing them and leading them on. Showering them with attention and then ignoring them is actually a technique to get someone to invest more time in you.

If you want to maintain some boundaries in the relationship, think about spacing your hang out time farther apart. IF you hang out all the time with people that are crushing on you its going to drive them a little nuts.

If you see them much less often it should dampen their feelings towards you until they are manageable.

Originally Posted by Dionysus

There's two people I know who has joined my circle recently (like a couple of months ago). They seem really cool, and I would like to get to know both of them better. They're pleasant/fun to be around and seem to be trustworthy...eventhough I have trust issues. So, that's big compliment coming from me. However, I'm 90% sure that both of them like me more than a friend. There's couple of reasons why I don't want to date or hook up with either of them. 1. As I mentioned earlier, I'm just not that into messing around with people within the same group of friends. 2. We are sexually incompatable.

I've been acting hot/cold around these two people. I would go from showering them with attention to pretty much ignoring them. I don't like doing that but I don't want them to get the wrong idea. If one of them asks me out, and I reject them, I'm scared it will stir a lot of drama...especially with one person. Even if I say "yes", one person will get left out, then there could be drama between them! I'm shocked there isn't any already.

BTW, I've had a horrible experience with a certain guy five years ago. Same situation. He actually accused me of being a tease, and made my life miserable. I don't want something like this to repeat!

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? How do you communicate that you would like to be good friends, but you don't "love them like that" (and not hurt their feelings)?