Housemothers

[SoCalGirl]

We never had a house so mayber I'm misunderstanding something. Why would the House Mom be involved in any repurcussions or punishments for breaking house rules? Isn't that Standards/J-Board territory?

[AOIIalum]

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

We never had a house so mayber I'm misunderstanding something. Why would the House Mom be involved in any repurcussions or punishments for breaking house rules? Isn't that Standards/J-Board territory?

Yes, you are correct.

[WVU alpha phi]

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

We never had a house so mayber I'm misunderstanding something. Why would the House Mom be involved in any repurcussions or punishments for breaking house rules? Isn't that Standards/J-Board territory?

For my chapter, she wasn't DIRECTLY involved. If you broke a rule that was grounds for J-Board (having a guy sleep over), she reported it to the chapter advisor, and it was dealt with within the sorority from then on.

[SigKapCoug]

yeah, i'm kind of surprised by people saying the house mother yelled at them for breaking rules.

I'm the house manager and it seems like I'm the one who yells for people breaking rules, lol.

[Leslie Anne]

Yes, major house rules being broken would go to standards. I guess what the collegians I worked with were talking about were lesser offenses such as bringing food into the living room or upstairs to bedrooms, propping the back door open, etc. That would be something the Housemother would get on them about.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

We never had a house so maybe I'm misunderstanding something. Why would the House Mom be involved in any repercussions or punishments for breaking house rules? Isn't that Standards/J-Board territory?

With respect to most offensives, if you were caught by the Housemother breaking a rule, you would more than likely be in trouble with the chapter as well. The issue would be dealt with according to chapter/fraternity by-laws. But often worse than any chapter sanction, punishment or fine would be the disapproval of the Housemother. Or worse yet, the loss of her respect.

[susan314]

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

We never had a house so mayber I'm misunderstanding something. Why would the House Mom be involved in any repurcussions or punishments for breaking house rules? Isn't that Standards/J-Board territory?

If the housemom were to witness some of the major rules being broken (alcohol in house, boys in areas they weren't supposed to be in and/or at times they weren't supposed to be in the house, etc.), she'd be obligated to let the appropriate chapter people know. Specific disciplinary actions would be decided upon and implemented by executive council (standards board, or whatever board in the sorority had that authority). So, while the housemom wouldn't directly enact any punishment, she still played an important part in enforcing house rules.

[AlphaXi4983]

As an incoming housemom, this is all very interesting to hear! We did not have greek housing at my undergrad school, so I'm coming into this more or less blind. Any other wisdom you can pass on??

[seraphimsprite]

When I first moved into our chapter house, I remember thinking our house mother was really just a very nice and sweet grandmotherly type. She seemed to really care about the members and the chapter as a whole, she made an effort to get to know all of us and she was pretty much always there for help or advice when we wanted her without being overbearing and controlling. We really thought we had the best house mother.

And then she just seemed to change. We all started to think that she was really just sick of being a house mother, but wasn't willing to actually quit because she became pretty much unbearable by my senior year. It was really obvious that there were some members of the chapter that she still loved, but some she really couldn't stand at all and she was actually pretty cruel to them, complaining to the advisory board about every little thing and trying to get them in trouble. We actually got yelled at as a chapter because she thought we were too loud at night and she had complained about us running around and laughing at 10pm.

Our two biggest complaints about her were that she didn't seem to appreciate that we were actually college students (and it wasn't as if we were carrying on like the Animal House stereotype or anything like that) and the fact that she was very obvious about her favorites. I was the House Manager my senior year and she actually refused to work with me for a while because she liked the President better and decided she'd just rather go to her with her concerns.

The other big thing is that I'd echo the concern about menu planning and overseeing the kitchen. We always complained because our food was so bland and every other night seemed to be fried something, but the cook was never willing to take any of our suggestions. I actually found out after I graduated, from one of my friends who ended up on the advisory board, that all of that was because of our house mother was a really picky eater and made the cook cater to her preferences instead of the chapter's.

I would say that a good house mother would think of her role as a counselor more than anything else, definitely not as a surrogate parent. She should be accessible, but not overbearing or controlling and definitely not try to interfere with the affairs of the chapter unless it's a really serious risk management violation and the women are putting themselves in danger or something like that.

[AOIIalum]

Seraphim brings up a good point: a House Mother needs to understand and be willing to live on a collegiate chapter's schedule to some extent. If you are the type of woman that needs her eight hours of sleep without fail and prefers to retire quietly early in the evening, this career might not be for you. The reality is that the chapter house often becomes Command Central in the evenings, and the best way to appear open and welcoming is to be available when the bulk of the chapter members are around. The members/residents might not need you, but it's still important for them to see you are there.

As a House Mother your job is to basically create or maintain a welcoming, safe and healthy environment for the women in compliance with sorority, campus and local rules and regulations. It's not to create or maintain an uncomfortable or antagonistic environment! It's the sorority's home and it's important to remember that in all you do as a House Mother.

[NUBlue&Blue]

I don't really remember much about our housemother, she was very nice but stayed in the background and was very low key. My husband's housemother, on the other hand, I knew very well. She always called the guys "my men", and she was about 5 feet tall and 90 lbs. soaking wet, always perfect coiffed and dressed to the nines. She was adorable and sweet and doted on the guys, and they treated her like a queen. She was a young widow whose children were just a little older than my husband (mid 40's now), and I believe she was a housemom for about 10 years.

She passed away from cancer a couple of years ago, but up until that point she sent us a Christmas card every year, wrote a personal note with updates she had from other alums, etc. She remarried, traveled the world, doted on her grandchildren but never forgot "her men". She always signed her cards...Love, Mom W.