Once a Player...? - Page 3

AKA2D '91 · #31 11-30-2005, 09:25 AM

In your opinion, what is the definition of dating and the definition of courting? Are there any differences?

starang21 · #32 11-30-2005, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
In your opinion, what is the definition of dating and the definition of courting? Are there any differences?

who uses the term courting still?

no there is no difference.

AKA2D '91 · #33 11-30-2005, 10:42 AM

The term is still used.

KSigkid · #34 11-30-2005, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lovehaiku84
Always a Player?

This goes for both males and females. Do you guys think that if someone has a history of dating several people at the same time w/o them knowing about each other (re: playing folks), they will ever be able to be in a monogamous and honest relationship? OR do you think that they will always have trouble being with just one person.

It completely depends on the person. I think some people hitthat point where they want someone stable, or where they so completely fall for someone that the negatives of having several S.O.'s outweigh the positives. Then there are others who will just keep going with their ways and will never settle on one person.

I think it's possible, but there's no set rule to how often it happens.

southernelle25 · #35 11-30-2005, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Thats a clever differentiation between dating and courting.

Do you think that there are implied promises in behavior?

For example, many males learn courting behavior in dealing with females romantically . . . so even if he wants to just date, he may act is if he is courting because thats the way he has learned to behave.

Even if he makes some blanket comment like "I'm not looking for anything serious," would you agree that his courting behavior might be seen as an implied promise to a female even if its only unconsciously?

And thus color her perception of what the relationship really is?

If it looks like a duck etc etc, even if it denies being a duck . . it might as well be.

You touched on an important point. If the young man SAYS that he is not looking for anything serious, then THAT is an important communication that the young lady MUST consider (and accept as true). If what she wants is, ultimately, an intimate and exclusive relationship, then the two should politely part ways. She shouldn't expect that she will be able to change him or his attitude. [He is not a player if goes on to socialize with others, having informed her of his intentions.] If, on the other hand, he says nothing (and she says nothing), then she may be blindsided. That is why communication is vital as soon as, and preferably before, the level of intimacy in the relationship escalates.

In short, though I do think there should be implied promises in certain behavior, I know that just isn't the world we live in today. For that reason, discussion is key.

AKA_Monet · #36 11-30-2005, 09:24 PM

Awhile ago, I would have agreed with most of what the ladies are saying and pleaded against what the gentlemen and saying...

Now, life's different for me...

Let's be blunt:

Folks date various other folks for different reasons.

If you date a player, you know you are gonna get played. You might have a good time by getting in the VIP lines with sex in the Champagne Room. But eventually, you will get played.

If you date a nerd, you will develop a relationship with that person. You may not go to all the "hoopla parties" anymore and will have plenty of dinner dates. But you will have something stable...

Just like TonyB said, it is a matter of maturity and also you need to know what "equipment" you require and what the regimen you need to follow...

If you can slang dates 8 days a week, 25 hours a day, the go on wif yo' baad sef...

But if you cannot hang with 1 date because you are that "clingy" or "possessive", then maybe you ought to be by yourself awhile and get some perspective about what kind of relationship you really want...

Believe me, if you ain't figured it out once the ink is dry on the marriage certificate, then you will be having problems with "communication"...

Professor · #37 12-01-2005, 09:34 AM

People can change. As my grandmother said, eventually we all come in. The question becomes can you wait for the change.

preciousjeni · #38 12-01-2005, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
In your opinion, what is the definition of dating and the definition of courting? Are there any differences?

Dating = social one on one get-togethers AND Courting = meetings toward marriage.

DC_Zeta1920 · #39 12-01-2005, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Awhile ago, I would have agreed with most of what the ladies are saying and pleaded against what the gentlemen and saying...

Now, life's different for me...

Let's be blunt:

Folks date various other folks for different reasons.

If you date a player, you know you are gonna get played. You might have a good time by getting in the VIP lines with sex in the Champagne Room. But eventually, you will get played.

If you date a nerd, you will develop a relationship with that person. You may not go to all the "hoopla parties" anymore and will have plenty of dinner dates. But you will have something stable...

Just like TonyB said, it is a matter of maturity and also you need to know what "equipment" you require and what the regimen you need to follow...

If you can slang dates 8 days a week, 25 hours a day, the go on wif yo' baad sef...

But if you cannot hang with 1 date because you are that "clingy" or "possessive", then maybe you ought to be by yourself awhile and get some perspective about what kind of relationship you really want...

Believe me, if you ain't figured it out once the ink is dry on the marriage certificate, then you will be having problems with "communication"...

bobbyearl93 · #40 12-02-2005, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by starang21
but to date exclusively....you have to sit down and have a discussion on it. it's not an assumed thing. just because you're dating for x months, exlusivity shouldn't be expected without being discussed.

I concur con mi amigo. Also, I would like to add that maybe there should have been an understanding in the very beginning of those x months. Then there wouldn't be an assumption. Now you don't have to tell a person all your business when you are getting to know them. That would be crazy. However, an open conversation about dating, relationships, friendships, promiscuity, etc... would help both parties understand who they are dealing with. Then there wouldn't be any surprises.

But I don't think dating women who are unaware of each other makes you a player. It makes you a liar if you are telling a woman that she is the only one. But if you aren't telling women that, then you are strictly exercising your GOD given right to be single. The only disadvantage is that you usually pass over a potential soulmate(s) exercising that right...

Conskeeted7 · #41 12-03-2005, 01:20 PM

I think that a player is the person who dates several people at one time for certain perks. He/she is 'playing' the other individuals by making them think that this is a committed relationship and getting money, sex, gifts, privileges, etc. in return for the committment.

This person is hard to reform, but it can be done. However, this person is an opportunist. So, even in a relationship, he/she might see an opportunity that needs to be seized.

Dating, on the other hand, is just going out with people in hopes of getting to know them better. This can be done with several people at one time. I'm not talking about sex. I just mean going to the movies, the park, out to eat, etc. If feelings get serious, you can discuss being exclusive. If you have sex before that conversation and get attached, you played yourself.

DC_Zeta1920 · #42 12-03-2005, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by starang21
but to date exclusively....you have to sit down and have a discussion on it. it's not an assumed thing. just because you're dating for x months, exlusivity shouldn't be expected without being discussed.

I agree 1920%

This is why so many people get hurt now. Just because it looks like a relationship doesn't mean that it is one. One should never imply. Until words are expressed that "we will be exclusive", it will remain "it is what it is"

2convinced · #43 12-29-2005, 03:39 PM

Yes, it's a BIG difference!!! Dating relates to the emotional and phycial aspects of getting to know one another. Courting on the other hand relates to the emotion and spiritual aspects. When courting, Sex Is Not Allowed! Courting is based on biblical principals while dating is based on worldly (man) principals.

TheGeneral · #44 12-30-2005, 04:14 PM

To me, if you are dating more than one person at a time and the other people don't know about it then you are a CHEATER, not a player. If you can date multiple people and they know about each other and still holla at you then that is a PLAYA! But i do believe that people can change!

Dionysus · #45 12-30-2005, 05:03 PM

I ain't no ho or anything. But the idea of dating and courting multiple people is growing on me. It's impossible for a single man to fulfill all of your needs.

Man #1 may be the best in bed.
Man #2 may be the most sensitive (in a good way).
Man #3 may be the best cook.
Man #4 may be the best conversationalist.
Man #5 may have the most money.

But, this is kind of different from "playing" someone.