Jealousy?

WVU alpha phi · #1 11-09-2005, 06:02 PM

To make a long story short, I'm a ridiculously jealous person. My boyfriend is 6 hours away and isn't returning to school until the spring semester. We've been dating since February and the long distance is really taking its toll, and we don't want to break up because we're so close to being back in Morgantown together, and we know everything will be fine then.
Problem is, I'm an insanely jealous person. He is too, but not nearly as bad as me. I get mad about things so little like girls signing his facebook wall. I know how annoying it is to date someone jealous, and I hate doing it, but I can't help myself.
Any ideas on how to get over this?

Dionysus · #2 11-09-2005, 06:05 PM

Counseling?

_Opi_ · #3 11-09-2005, 06:11 PM

It's all about trust. If you trust him, you wouldnt need to get so jealous.

WCUgirl · #4 11-09-2005, 06:20 PM

Jealousy never goes away. I'm a jealous person, but I was much more jealous in my relationships with boyfriends than I ever have been since I've been married.

Of course, it's a different type of jealousy. Sometimes I get jealous when Mr. AXiD670 spends time with other women -- not because I think he's going to cheat on me, but because sometimes we are often so busy that we don't get to spend much "alone time" together. I'll admit, sometimes I'm jealous that he's chosen to go out w/ the boys instead of do something w/ me b/c I feel like we haven't seen each other all week. But, I know there are times when he gets jealous, too. It's funny -- I didn't notice he was the jealous type until after we had been married for a while.

WVU alpha phi · #5 11-09-2005, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by _Opi_
It's all about trust. If you trust him, you wouldnt need to get so jealous.

I've thought about this, too. My ex boyfriend was 8 hours away in South Carolina and lived with 2 girls, and never once was I jealous.
I know he isn't cheating on me (he never goes out) but it's still so hard.

AchtungBaby80 · #6 11-09-2005, 09:44 PM

I'm another jealous person, so I can sympathize!

Only I don't ever show it, because I'm also the type who tries to bury my feelings, especially if they don't make me feel good. I don't really know what to tell you...I've kind of had to adjust because my boyfriend has a lot of female friends/acqaintances from where he's a bartender, so it's been really tough. So yeah, I just try to ignore it. I figure that it's better for me to keep it inside and deal with it myself than annoy him with, "Who's she? How do you know her? Blah blah blah..." Very UNhealthy, I know, but that's my twisted logic for you.

so damn cool · #7 11-10-2005, 12:43 PM

hes prolly cheatin on you.

WVU alpha phi · #8 11-10-2005, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by so damn cool
hes prolly cheatin on you.

No I really don't think that's it. We talk constantly, and he really doesn't have that many friends at home anymore because they're all away at school. I'm not worried about him cheating, I'm really just worried about myself and my jealousy.

BobbyTheDon · #9 11-10-2005, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WVU alpha phi
To make a long story short, I'm a ridiculously jealous person. My boyfriend is 6 hours away and isn't returning to school until the spring semester. We've been dating since February and the long distance is really taking its toll, and we don't want to break up because we're so close to being back in Morgantown together, and we know everything will be fine then.
Problem is, I'm an insanely jealous person. He is too, but not nearly as bad as me. I get mad about things so little like girls signing his facebook wall. I know how annoying it is to date someone jealous, and I hate doing it, but I can't help myself.
Any ideas on how to get over this?

insecurities. have you been cheated on in the past? have you seen others cheat on other people?

WVU alpha phi · #10 11-10-2005, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
insecurities. have you been cheated on in the past? have you seen others cheat on other people?

Yes, I was cheated on a few years ago by my boyfriend- with my best friend in my own bed. Needless to say, it was more than a little rough.

I know it's complete insecurities and I want to do my best to get rid of them, but I almost feel like he should be helping out too. We got in a HUGE fight last night and today and all I asked was for him to SHOW me he loves me instead of constantly SAYING it. He seems to think everything is fixed with an "I love you." He thinks I'm being selfish and he shouldn't have to prove anything, but I'm looking at it from the point that if he DID love me, he'd want me to believe it.

Am I just crazy?

KSig RC · #11 11-10-2005, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WVU alpha phi
and all I asked was for him to SHOW me he loves me instead of constantly SAYING it.

Let me get this straight - correct any of the following:

-You and your boyfriend are in a distance relationship
-The distance is a severe problem (enough that you won't break up "because it's better when we're both in motown")
-You get jealous, and act accordingly, even at insipid and/or minor things
-You get in a blowup, and it's his fault because he 'only' tells you he loves you, and doesn't show you
-He's a college-aged male
-He's not at college now but will be returning

What exactly could you possibly mean by "SHOW ME!" in this case? Should he make a pie chart, showing everything he loves and how you're a large piece? Should he serenade you at your window from 6 hours away? Is this fight really about him showing you ANYTHING, or about your insecurities and constant jealousy over things as trivial as myspace?

Do you really expect a 20-yr-old male to know what you mean by "SHOW ME"? Do YOU even know what you mean?

Quote:

Originally posted by WVU alpha phi
Am I just crazy?

I wouldn't say for sure, but I'd suggest being tested by a professional.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #12 11-10-2005, 07:04 PM

She's not crazy.

But she should consider seeing other people as long as the distance is going to be a problem. She's dating a TWENTY YEAR OLD. A little perspective please.

BobbyTheDon · #13 11-10-2005, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Yes, I was cheated on a few years ago by my boyfriend- with my best friend in my own bed. Needless to say, it was more than a little rough.

best friend. ouch. in your own bed. as Joey Lawrence once said. "Whoa". A little rough? Gettin ur golf ball stuck in the sand trap is a little rough. This is straight getting ass rammed without lubed by a guy with a magnum sized penis.

Quote:

I know it's complete insecurities and I want to do my best to get rid of them,

You watn to do your best to get rid of them. Ok, have you tried murdering those two? Jk...try a voodoo spell.

Ok all joking aside. I feel fa ya. u mentioned that you want him to SHOW you that he loves you. Read what RC said and try to understand it from his perspective (ur bf, not RC). He says he loves you. He doesnt know what else to do. He's a guy. You say the sky is blue, he'll say...yep. You give him a BJ, he's happy. You give him a cookie, he smiles and wants milk. Point being, we aren't too complicated. And when you bust out the "show me you love me" thing, we get a malfunction junction wheres my function thing goin on.

So here is a sample conversation between you two. We'll name your boyfriend Horatio and we'll call you Jimmy Fallon

Horatio: I love you
Jimmy Fallon: SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME!
Horatio: uhhhh...ok. hold on.

(Horatio goes and writes it down "I LOVE YOU" on a piece of paper).

Horatio: Ok Jimmy Fallon, here you go. Look. It says "I LOVE YOU"

Jimmy Fallon: Oh dude you are so not gettin laid tonight. I need you t show me better you poopface

HOratio:

what did I do...

Jimmy Fallon: You just don't understand ME! My Needs, my desires! I need you to SHOW ME you love me! SHow me you care! You can Say you love me, but you might not meeeeean it HOratio!

Horatio: But I mean it. I really do love you. uhhh

Do you get any of this? Ok I'll admit. I just wanted to make a conversation between Jimmy Fallon and Horatio to show my hatred for them. Actually Horatio aint that bad. But Jiimmy Fallon is quite possibly the devil. I'm not saying you're the devil. I was just trying to make him look like a tool. Not saying you're a tool...but you know. He is

Rudey · #14 11-10-2005, 07:51 PM

I think you should have joined your boyfriend and best friend that night.

-Rudey
--When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

wrigley · #15 11-10-2005, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WVU alpha phi
Yes, I was cheated on a few years ago by my boyfriend- with my best friend in my own bed. Needless to say, it was more than a little rough.

I know it's complete insecurities and I want to do my best to get rid of them, but I almost feel like he should be helping out too. We got in a HUGE fight last night and today and all I asked was for him to SHOW me he loves me instead of constantly SAYING it. He seems to think everything is fixed with an "I love you." He thinks I'm being selfish and he shouldn't have to prove anything, but I'm looking at it from the point that if he DID love me, he'd want me to believe it.

Am I just crazy?

I agree that some counseling is a good idea . You can't make him responsible for the sins of your last boyfriend. It's not fair.

If it was a guy saying to a girl "show me that you love me", all of the ladies on this board would most likely tell her to dump him.