Raining on someone's recruitment parade

[UGAalum94]

I'm as guilty of highjacks as anyone and I know that I've done exactly what I'm about to ask about, but the Auburn thread really drove home for me how unfortunate it is when we let negativity overtake a thread that was originally and essentially about a young women having a fabulous recruitment.

Maybe when we want to jump into a thread with a story that contradicts the tone of the main teller, we should start a new thread, like "a different Auburn experience" or something?

(I'm not talking about the times we give release figure tutorials while we're waiting to hear a particular PNMs results, but busting up a positive story to interject a lot of negative results seemed a little lame. The concerns should be aired and discussed; just not in the 1st girl's thread, or so it seems to me now. )

[carnation]

I agree with you, AlphaGamUGaAlum. GCers,please don't rip on a heartbroken mom. In times of distress, and let me tell you that having your daughter go through a SEC recruitment is one of those, you may say things that you do or don't mean. You're tired, tense, your daughter may be heartbroken and she doesn't understand why girls with much lower GPAs and practically no activities are sailing gloriously through recruitment and she's only got a couple of groups left and they don't seem all that interested or interesting either. I don't think anyone can understand the horrible pain of seeing your children suffer rejection unless they've been there. Only having watched someone else suffer that just doesn't qualify.

I'm no helicopter parent-we have too many to me to hover too closely, yet I have felt the stark pain of some of my girls as 6 rushed over the past 7 years. There are at least 8 moms on GC this very day who know all too well what it's like to have a daughter rush. If you haven't had a child in a very selective situation, you can't begin to understand it.

Any other GC moms who are rush veterans care to comment?

[AChiOhSnap]

I concur. I don't think it's right for an excited mom/relative/friend to have to preface their own updates with "I'm really truly sorry for everything that's been going on with the other PNMs..." in order to feel like she can celebrate the PNM's successes.

I understand the particular thread in question was titled "Auburn University Rush" and may therefore have been confusing to a new GC member who wouldn't have been able to tell that was someone's recruitment story, NOT a general forum for questions/concerns about AU Recruitment.

Still, this is not the first time it's happened. I recall last year (or maybe the year before) someone going into a SEC recruitment story and saying something like "I'm really glad yours worked out, but I feel this whole process was so unfair, I was dropped from every sorority and I feel like such a loser" and essentially hijacking the PNM's celebratory thread. After that, everyone was replying with advice/concern for the dropped PNM and the original PNM actually had to apologize for interrupting the hijack in her own story to post more happy updates about her new member period.

That said, I think GCers should definitely have a place to air concerns or get support through a difficult recruitment. I'm not insensitive to the fact that recruitment (ESPECIALLY SEC recruitment) can be downright heartbreaking for hundreds of PNMs and their loved ones and that GCers really can act like "Rho Chis" for nervous moms and sisters. I think GC can be an invaluable resource, no matter what the outcome.

Perhaps people can chime in with their suggestions on Recruitment Story "etiquette" and how we can minimize hijacks of a particular person's recruitment story.

My first particular rule of thumb I'd like to propose: Start a "General Support" thread to be bumped periodically during recruitment season where we can direct people who have disappointing outcomes about a different PNM (or even off topic questions/concerns/complaints etc) in order to maintain the general flow of the original story.

[AnchorAlumna]

Could a moderator move the hijack to a new thread, with a forwarding message?

[KSUViolet06]

I agree. I know that SEC recruitment doesn't turn out great for everyone, but I thought it was awkward for AuburnMom to have to read about other peoples' heartbreaking stories in her thread.

I couldn't think of an appropriate thread to bump, other than the "why you didn't make it into a sorority" thread.

[oldrusheenowmom]

If you look at Auburn Mom's first post, she invites others to join in and share their stories; thus all the stories met the forum. The support from posters in the past has always been that "support." When someone needs to vent for support, it is always nice to be supportive- I don't think we need to attack. Perhaps, in the future, the moderator could encourage one story per thread. Still, when all the outcomes are happy...as those in a very southern rush, we don't mind the hijack?

[carnation]

PT and I will see if we remember how to split a thread--haha!--but I see this thread as referring to 2 things. First, don't hijack somebody else's thread. But second, don't jump down the throat of someone who's obviously in pain, even if you don't understand her pain at all.

[UGAalum94]

I do think it's fine when people post results similar to the main thread; if it's going well, additional positive results are great; if the original turned bad, other similar results are fine.

The main problem that I saw was that the additional posters' stories were detracting from the OPs story. And I think that once the OP establishes her code, it's pretty much her thread and despite her inclusiveness, it would be better if others posted their own PNMs stories where we can offer support without contradicting the OP's story.

The moms, sisters and other pnms are all worthy of their own threads and support. They should just be mindful and not make someone else's thread all about them.

[1908Revelations]

OK, but why are they nuts? They act like the world is going to end. Sororities have the right to choose who they want.....since when is greek life something that everyone has to have?

Like I said before, maybe its just me.

[1908Revelations]

Ok, maybe I am confused here. Obviously I have some interest in greek like seeing that I am in a sorority, but it is me or are some of these parents of PNMs crazy?!?!!?

I mean there is a mom who questioned if her daughter even belongs at Auburn due to getting cut. WTF?!?! College is for education everything else are frills! I think people shouldn't be allowed to Rush/Pledge/Membership intake until sophomore year. I understand being excited for your child, but I don't think (actually she would not have been) my mom would have been destroyed if I had not gotten into AKA. Then the lady said she WAS a member of a sorority and wouldn't have changed it for anything in the world......WAS.....I thought lifetime goes beyond college years.

I don't think Auburnmom will be that affected, she can just post her news as she sees fit.

I just don't get it! There is more to college and life, some of these people sound sucidial. They need to seek counciling rather than greek life.

If you don't get in.....so what.....life goes on! Life does not begin with a sorority nor does it end there. So if anyone can give me a logical reason why these people are so weird then let me know.

This vvv was posted in the other thread and it is soooo fitting!

Originally Posted by SmartBlondeGPhB

Just a little reminder........It's HER life not yours. Let her do what she wants and be happy for her.

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

Ok, maybe I am confused here. Obviously I have some interest in greek like seeing that I am in a sorority, but it is me or are some of these parents of PNMs crazy?!?!!?

I mean there is a mom who questioned if her daughter even belongs at Auburn due to getting cut. WTF?!?! College is for education everything else are frills! I think people shouldn't be allowed to Rush/Pledge/Membership intake until sophomore year. I understand being excited for your child, but I don't think (actually she would not have been) my mom would have been destroyed if I had not gotten into AKA. Then the lady said she WAS a member of a sorority and wouldn't have changed it for anything in the world......WAS.....I thought lifetime goes beyond college years.

I don't think Auburnmom will be that affected, she can just post her news as she sees fit.

I just don't get it! There is more to college and life, some of these people sound sucidial. They need to seek counciling rather than greek life.

If you don't get in.....so what.....life goes on! Life does not begin with a sorority nor does it end there. So if anyone can give me a logical reason why these people are so weird then let me know.

This vvv was posted in the other thread and it is soooo fitting!

A-FREAKING-MEN. I have never been through an SEC recruitment and I thank God for that, so go ahead and rip me all you want for what I have to say next because I don't care.

I wanted to give FloridaTish a round of applause for this:

Correct me if I am reading this worng, but you actually said that to your daughter? It seems as if you are more interested in her being in a sorority than she is.

You are starting to wonder if she belongs at Auburn? Because she didn't get a bid? You've got to be kidding me? The last time I checked, I thought that we went to college to get an education. To question whether you belong at a college based on if you get a bid or not, shows a SERIOUS set of whacked out priorities or an obvious lack in faith in your daughter that she can find a niche on her own in a non greek organization.

I feel sorry for your daughter, but not just for getting cut from rush, but having to listen to comments like this from her own mom...

I don't see this as "ripping" on the mom. I see this as reacting to the comments the mom left. If this mom is in so much "pain", maybe she should take a deep breath and step back and not post when she's too emotional. God knows I've had to learn how to do that.

There are more of us out there who didn't go through an SEC recruitment. That said, reactions like FloridaTish's, 1908Revelations, and mine should be expected even if you don't like it.

The comment about adding another sorority at Auburn and even questioning her daughter's decision to attend there was just too much. No handholding here, sorry.

[...this thread to be deleted in 5....4...3...2...1]

[Jobellesis]

Carnation says I should put my post back, so here's what I think. It hurts a lot more for your child to be hurt than it does if you are hurt yourself. If my daughter's recruitment had been disappointing for her, I would have been extremely negative and bitter. Her rush turned out great, (She's also a Chi O), but I remember being upset because she couldn't understand why she was released from a couple of chapters after the third round. I can entirely see why momto2 is so unhappy and confused. If my child was crying and feeling bad about herself, you'd better believe I'd be upset and mad. I'd also think all those girls were all nuts if they didn't want my beautiful, smart daughter in their chapter. Until you've had a daughter go through, you can only imagine how you would feel if your daughter was rejected, especially when you know that she is just as terrific as many of the girls who received bids.

[1908Revelations]

OTW.....You are my new best friend!!



I do understand the notion of not wanting your loved ones to be unhappy and grieving with them, but then there is a time to 'pull yourself up by your boot straps'! After you pat your kid on the back you shouldn't say "What is wrong with my daughter?" Tell her about other organizations to belong to. Greek life is not everything. Believe it or not if someones wonderful, brilliant, super smart rhodes scholar daughter gets cut....the world keeps going.

I think I am like AlphaGamUGA's mom: Give words of encouragement then tell em' "Yeah, that's too bad....now move on"

[Jobellesis]

Momto2 will probably calm down and help her daughter move on after she's had a while to think. If her daughter has always wanted a sorority experience, it may take a little time for them to regroup. Some people (me included) need to blow off steam. Let's face it, though. The sorority experience can be terrific, and it's sad and disappointing to think you may not get to be a part of something that special.

I agree that the pnms are doing all they can and need no more pressure or blame from anyone if they are cut. (I would quote AChiOhSnap, but I not too good at quoting). Very seldom is a cut a personal thing, as we all know. On the other hand, if you're the one that's been cut by everyone, it has to hurt. While I agree that we should all be strong enough to move on, I can honestly say that I would have probably felt sad and rejected if this had happened to my child or me.

[navane]

I think that parents sometimes overmagnify their childrens' "problems". I personally deal with lots and lots of college students and their parents everyday. I recently had a parent call in worried that her son's first semester schedule was *too easy* and wanted to know if "people" (Who? Employers? Grad schools?) would look down on him later for not picking a more challenging first semester as a freshman.

In my experiences, the student may be worried or upset; but, the parent often *adds to it*. Sometimes the student isn't bothered at all; but some parents can turn a survivable situation into an international incident.

I was a little concerned about the one mom's statements that maybe her daughter selected the wrong school based on the recruitment results. Wow. I understand being upset for your child; but wow. A university is for an education. The co-curricular activities are great; but, pick a university where you will be in a solid program for your major.

I was also intrigued by her comments regarding being in a sorority so that she can get priority housing next year. To me, that seems like a poor reason to join. If the daughter was saying things like that to the women in the sororities, then that may have something to do with her being cut.

For those of you with kids, I've been reading your reasonings and I can only try to understand. Perhaps when I'm a parent, I will understand better. However, as someone who deals with parents of college students, you all don't realize how awkward you sound sometimes.