The Grossest Thing Evah...

[KillarneyRose]

Ok, so today I got home from work and, when I opened the front door to my house, my miniature schnauzer puppy darted out past me. For a few minutes, she toyed with me; trotting around the yard and pausing to let me get almost close enough to grab her and then trotting away just fast enough so that me in my high heels couldn't catch up with her.

She must've decided that, hey, this would be a good time to take a run on the beach, so she headed off in that direction, rocketing at incredible speed through my across-the-street neighbor's yard.

At this point, I knew that I could not catch this wiley beast on foot since I am old and out of shape and plain lazy. So, I jumped into my nice, clean. spanking new car and headed in the direction where I last saw her little grey butt hopping, her white tail bouncing as if to say, "Ha! Catch me now - if you CAN!"

I caught up with her a few minutes later on the road behind my across-the-street neighbor's house. She was sniffing around on the side of the road and, when I stopped the car and opened the door, she looked at me as if to say, "What took you so long?" and jumped right onto my lap.

As I started the short drive home, I noticed that she was chewing something. Something really big. Something really chewy. Something really stinky. Really, really stinky. It was like she was chomping on a really chewy, stinky wad of gum or something. So, without thinking, I decided to grab this chewy, stinky mass out of her mouth before she choked on it. Besides, we all know that you shouldn't eat things you find on the side of the road, right?

She didn't want to give it up at first but I persisted and, since I'm the one with opposable thumbs, I eventually won the fight. Or DID I???? I grabbed and pulled, and pulled and kept pulling and my poor dog started making retching noises. Whatever this chewy, stinky wad was, part of it was still in her mouth, but a sizeable portion of said wad had already been swallowed.

As I'm pulling, the wad itself, which I was holding in my bare hand, became illuminated by my dashboard lights. It was dim, but I could barely make out the shape of an extremely decomposed baby squirrel. The part of the wad that I had to pull out of my dog's throat? That would be the decomposed baby squirrel's tail.

I wretched the rest of the, um, tail out of my dog's throat and tossed the whole stinky thing out the window of my car. But, although the squirrel was gone, the smell was still very much present. On my hand, on the sleeve of my blouse, in my car and especially on my dog's breath.

I've given hear several of those "breath freshening" doggie biscuits, brushed her teeth twice and even let her eat an entire can of Spaghetti O's in a vain attempt to erase that awful smell. It doesn't seem like it's going away anytime soon. My oh-so-hilarious husband has dubbed her "Death Breath".

We'll see who's laughing when I sneak out early tomorrow morning and take his car to work. (insert deranged laugh here)

Can anyone top that? Doubtful!

[ZTAngel]

We have a bunch of trees in the backyard and all kinds of squirrels hang out back there. My dog is Rat Terrier. In other words, he's bred to chase, capture and kill rodents. We let him play out back and he's constantly chasing the squirrels. Of course, my dog can't climb trees which is a good thing since he's come very, very, very close to getting a few of them before the squirrels climbed safely up the tree. I have not a clue what I'd do if my dog actually got one. I'd probably scream a whole bunch and then pass out.

[jon1856]

Years ago, my late English Springer Spanal ran down not one but two jack rabitts. And brought them back to show off. One was doa and the other, while we thought was also dead, may have been in shock as it all of a sudden got up and ran.....

Old Chester was a large springer at about 80 pounds and not a trained hunting dog.

Gross, perhaps not now but when this happened I was in my teens.

[SigKapSweetie]

My cat caught a baby bunny...and brought it to me. It was still (barely) alive when my cat deposited it proudly at my feet. I gave it to my sister to take care of, but it only lived a day or so.

[EtaPhiZTA]

Originally Posted by SigKapSweetie

My cat caught a baby bunny...and brought it to me. It was still (barely) alive when my cat deposited it proudly at my feet. I gave it to my sister to take care of, but it only lived a day or so.

My dog did the same thing when he was a puppy. My mom was at my house and let the dog out while I was taking a shower. All of a sudden, I heard a piercing scream. I came running out of the shower dripping wet, and see my mother standing on the couch screaming and my bichon puppy sitting on the floor with a baby bunny laying in front of him. Unfortunately, the bunny was already dead.

Evidently, A.J. thought he had given my mom the best present ever. My husband thought it was funny to give him the nickname "Great White Hunter" after that experience. Thank goodness -- his hunting days seem to be behind him now.

On a drive from Thunder Valley casino back to San Francisco, my grandma shit all over herself in the backseat and there was no rest stop/gas station/place to clean herself up for miles.

Of course I was behind the wheel and the smell was unbearable. I felt bad for my aunt and mother who was in the backseat with her. Once we got to a gas station I literally threw up in the parking lot.

[honeychile]

I'm in geriatrics. Many are the times I wish I could have my sense of smell removed! THE worst, though, had to be a client who had a bad reaction to a new medication, and confused his dresser drawer for his potty chair! I had to throw up on that one, several times!

On the sad but gross side, I know of a dog who was in one of those wire-fence doggie yards (like a playpen). He decided to climb out at the corner. Now, I haven't completely figured out how this happened myself, but somehow, the latch/joint that holds it together acted as a guillotine on his privates and part of his leg. Needless to say, the doctors are more worried about his privates than the leg just now, as he's a little dog and can't handle any more anaestetia for a month or so. Poor little guy.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by OTW

On a drive from Thunder Valley casino back to San Francisco, my grandma shit all over herself in the backseat and there was no rest stop/gas station/place to clean herself up for miles.

Of course I was behind the wheel and the smell was unbearable. I felt bad for my aunt and mother who was in the backseat with her. Once we got to a gas station I literally threw up in the parking lot.

A friend's dad and another dude were driving through the mountains in Colorado on spring break WAY back in the day, and obv getting bombed while skiing all week . . . the driver let out probably the most legendary gas ever, and the (insanely hung over) passenger just lost it. He couldn't get the window down in time, so he wound up puking all over the window - the smell of the fart/puke caused the DRIVER to also start to puke. He got the window down, but they had to slow the car to a stop with both guys puking out of the window.

By the time they got to anywhere to stop, they said the car smelled like hell on Earth, due to significant missing, subsequent puke everywhere, and continued heaving while driving.

[Eclipse]

Originally Posted by OTW

On a drive from Thunder Valley casino back to San Francisco, my grandma shit all over herself in the backseat and there was no rest stop/gas station/place to clean herself up for miles.

Of course I was behind the wheel and the smell was unbearable. I felt bad for my aunt and mother who was in the backseat with her. Once we got to a gas station I literally threw up in the parking lot.

SImilar story except it wasn't my granny, it was my dog. The family was driving from my grandmother's house home and we had our chihauhau (sp?) in the back seat between my sister and I. After driving a while my sister and I started the "Ewwww...something stinks" "Mama, Sister farted!" "No I didn't you did!" game. AFter a few minutes of that we relized our legs wwere wet and our dog had pooped on the set. It was extremely runny and got all over us, the seat and down in the carpet. IT was gross.