What's wrong with the black female?

[jazbri]

I recently received an e-mail about a black male who was explaining why 'he sold out'. His selling out was to exercise his option of exclusively dating non-black females. He listed every reason under the sun that portrayed the black female as a negative, triflin', unappreciative, uncouth animal. From his experiences, non-black females did not present this challenge.

Being a black female, I was pissed off initially. However, the more I began to think about it, I found that his comments weren't worth justifying. I am now curious to understand what other folk feel about the black female and having relationships with us. I've heard from men (both black and non-black) that there's nothing like a black woman to black women are a complete turn-off and I simply cannot date them any longer. I feel that beneath all of the angry words and recriminations, there's got to be a certain level of truth. Meaning, somewhere along the way, our culture has created within us a tenacity and determination to survive that has eclipsed our black male. Any truth?

[PositivelyAKA]

if a person must tear down their own race (ie. mothers, sisters,etc.)in order to justify getting in bed with another race, then only prayer will help that person. black women are no worse or better then any other women on this earth, but unfortunately we have been through some mess in this country that many other women can not relate to. we don't have time for foolishness, so if so and so doesn't want to date us, then i say "Thank God", because we as black women need a strong, compassionate, sensible, responsible man, black, white or whatever to lead us, anything less is unacceptable and not desirable in my opinion.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by jazbri:
I recently received an e-mail about a black male who was explaining why 'he sold out'. His selling out was to exercise his option of exclusively dating non-black females. He listed every reason under the sun that portrayed the black female as a negative, triflin', unappreciative, uncouth animal. From his experiences, non-black females did not present this challenge.

Being a black female, I was pissed off initially. However, the more I began to think about it, I found that his comments weren't worth justifying. I am now curious to understand what other folk feel about the black female and having relationships with us. I've heard from men (both black and non-black) that there's nothing like a black woman to black women are a complete turn-off and I simply cannot date them any longer. I feel that beneath all of the angry words and recriminations, there's got to be a certain level of truth. Meaning, somewhere along the way, our culture has created within us a tenacity and determination to survive that has eclipsed our black male. Any truth?

Some years ago, I went to a conference on the "Black" Family and heard some very provocative statistics. Among them, the following hung around in my mind: (1)6 out 10 black college students on the undergraduate level are FEMALE; (2)6 out of 10 black graduates from the graduate level are FEMALE; (3)almost 3/5 of the total "Black" male population is/was incarcerated, while 1/5 are HOMOSEXUAL. What is the balance? Consider this: Most people marry persons of the same economic and educational levels. If the above mentioned are accurate, what does that say about the future of "Black" America? It should tell us that sistas are looking in other arenas for their future husbands and fathers of their children. When you ask me what I think about that guy and his experience/choice, I wont respond to it. He has to experience what he has to.

As for how I feel about sistas, I'M INTO DEEP , DARK CHOCOLATE! I have traveled a bit; and have had some experiences with women of different cultures-primarily Latin and Asian ladies. I can't explain it but, I just LOVE my sistas! Yall's personalities cannot truly be categorized, and GOD himself sculptured each and every one of yall's BODIES! In all, women are women; but I HAVE TO HAVE A SISTA!

[mojo]

APE,

I feel ya. I'm the product of a military family, so I've been around the world. There are none like mother of the universe. My sisters win hands down.

[AKA2D '91]

AMEN SOROR POSITIVE....

AMEN, AMEN TO T.O. APE!

[MsAnn]

AMEN T.O. APE!

It is true that our personalities cannot be heaped together into one category. That goes for ANY race of women or men.

I received an email some months ago similar to the one mentioned by jazbri, only it was written by a white female who was currently dating a black man (some of you may remember this). She had initially written it to a black magazine as a letter to the editor. Listeners wrote in to and emailed radio stations about the letter and it was eventually presented as the topic of discussion on some stations. She basically repeated what her boyfriend told her about black women (being trifling, needy, hostile, fat, etc). She also gave this LONG list of famous black men who had left their black wives for white women and THEN ended her letter by saying that instead of sistas giving ugly looks to a white woman that is with a black man, we need to watch and take notes!! Can you believe that?

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by MsAnn:
AMEN T.O. APE!

It is true that our personalities cannot be heaped together into one category. That goes for ANY race of women or men.

I received an email some months ago similar to the one mentioned by jazbri, only it was written by a white female who was currently dating a black man (some of you may remember this). She had initially written it to a black magazine as a letter to the editor. Listeners wrote in to and emailed radio stations about the letter and it was eventually presented as the topic of discussion on some stations. She basically repeated what her boyfriend told her about black women (being trifling, needy, hostile, fat, etc). She also gave this LONG list of famous black men who had left their black wives for white women and THEN ended her letter by saying that instead of sistas giving ugly looks to a white woman that is with a black man, we need to watch and take notes!! Can you believe that?

Before yall get all yall's feather's ruffled, maybe yall need to look at what her intent is. Don't make that dude's assessment of yall appear to be accurate; think.

[MsAnn]

I realize what her intent was. It was evident that she wanted exactly the kind of response that she received - hostility. Not only that, but she gained a moderate amount of publicity. I just thougt it was really tacky of her to say something like that. Though she provided her email address for responses, I refrained because I felt that what she wanted was an overwhelming influx of angry letters from black women to prove her point. My intent was not to start an angry discussion with the post, but rather to show the extreme to which this stereotype thing can go.

[Professor]

I read the states that The Original Ape presented. Which brings me to my point - - I have made post before similar to this topic. I firmly believe brothers need to date sisters. With the number of black females any black man should be able to find a compatible black female. If a brother wants a docile woman that barely or never voices her opinion and caters to his ever whim then there are still S I S T E R S out there that fit the build ( I just don't want one as such). If a brother wants a strong woman that is educated and independent then this type is out there. There are a variety of personalities when it comes to black women. Black men, especially educated Black men, need to find a sister and build healthy relationship instead of hooking up with Spanish, White, Irish, and all the rest. I'm tired of seeing successful Brothers with white women and I am about to get pissed seeing them with Latino women as well.

Post Scrip: I am not racist. I just believe successful Black men can find compatible successful Black women.

[MIDWESTDIVA]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Professor:

Post Scrip: I am not racist. I just believe successful Black men can find compatible successful Black women.

Amen brother!



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We often give our enemies the means for our own destruction.

Aesop c550 BC

[PositivelyAKA]

great responses pham!! i love the black family and want to see it grow stronger, not taking anything away from anyone else, but i can't wait to walk down the aisle to my black king. sisters and sorors we must believe in our men and lift them up. support him in his dreams and let him know you believe in him. don't lower your standards, but give the brothers a chance to be what God intended them to be. Powerful Leaders and our bestfriends.

question to the bruhs, could it be that since there are more educated etc. black women per statistics, that some of our men are intimidated by us and choose to marry women who are less independent or who are on a lower educational/economic level? men NEED to feel needed so maybe they don't feel like sisters need them.

[AKA2D '91]

AMEN, SOROR!


GOOD QUESTION...

***WAITING PATIENTLY FOR THE BROS TO RESPOND WHILE EATING POPCORN***

***LISTENING ATTENTIVELY TO TAKE NOTES***

I CRACK MYSELF UP SOMETIMES....

[Shelacious]

Originally posted by PositivelyAKA:
question to the bruhs, could it be that since there are more educated etc. black women per statistics, that some of our men are intimidated by us and choose to marry women who are less independent or who are on a lower educational/economic level? men NEED to feel needed so maybe they don't feel like sisters need them.

SisterSoror PositivelyAKA,

I agree 1920% with you, and even further it to say that we (women) may hold some share of the blame in this arena. As a successful, educated woman, it would make sense that I look for the same in a mate, right? Men are supposed to be able to "take care" of their women, right? For me, that would mean (at base) a man who is making close to six figures, has a BA +, owns his own home, single, no kids and tall, dark and handsome . And let's not forget, he must be willing to down for a long term (i.e. marriage), good relationship with his family and friends, fun, God-fearing (spiritual)...

Well, there are some good men out there who fit all the above. But there are also many good, generous men who may not be my economic or "formal" educational equal. Would you/your family/friends think less of you/him if you were to date or marry such a man? It seems that it is difficult for many of us "successful women" to give a man in that position serious consideration outside of a date or two. For example, what if he was all the above, but made $35K instead of $95K? That may make YOU, not him, the primary breadwinner. Or he had an AA degree, and you have a MA? How do you deal with these issues in the relationship? I’m interested in hearing from both the brothers and the sisters on whether a successful relationship can develop from these type of scenarios, and if so, what elements (respective personality traits, other) must be in place to enable success--or are they ultimately doomed to fail?

Best,
Shela--


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Finer Womanhood: the "Cat's Meow" Since 1920

[fatto]

Personally, I feel that there is nothing like a white woman for a black man. Can I get a AMEN fellas?

[Teresa2000]

Fatto, you have got to be joking!

-Teresa