Dorm Shower...is that a thing now?

BraveMaroon · #1 07-15-2013, 01:55 PM

So, since it's been a very long time since I was college aged, I wanted to check in with people who are a little more hooked in.

I received a Facebook invitation for a Dorm Shower - a young cousin's Mom is throwing her a going away party/shower before she leaves for college.

I'm on board with the going away, but the attached 'dorm room wishlist' leaves me a little cold.

Etiquette aside, are Dorm Showers something that people are doing these days, and I just didn't get the memo?

Back in my day, I got a few checks at graduation, and bought sheets, towels and the assorted crap needed to get a dorm room outfitted with that.

DubaiSis · #2 07-15-2013, 02:05 PM

I did get some dorm stuff as graduation presents (in 1984) but having a party specifically to rake in presents for the dorm just smacks of weird. It also smacks of a kid who is so precious that she has to start over with 100% new stuff just because she's going off to college. I personally would put this in the same category as getting invited to a graduation party for a child I don't personally know. Gift Haul!

lovespink88 · #3 07-15-2013, 02:06 PM

I have never, EVER, heard of this. Please do not think this is something that we (meaning my generation--because I think I still share a generation with today's 18 year olds?) all think we're entitled to.

I'm so sick of hearing how spoiled and entitled we are. We are not all that bad.

Kind of a tangent from your question, sorry, lol

ETA: Is it bad that when I read the thread title I was concerned because I thought "um, what dorms DON'T have showers?".

Hey, it's Monday...

BraveMaroon · #4 07-15-2013, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovespink88

I'm so sick of hearing how spoiled and entitled we are. We are not all that bad.

Kind of a tangent from your question, sorry, lol

No, no - this was not about being spoiled/entitled...I don't mean to generalize.

She's a good kid, but the only child of two very well-meaning but overprotective parents - who are no doubt freaking out about their precious girl going away for the first time.

I just didn't know if this was a new trend and I hadn't gotten the memo.

lovespink88 · #5 07-15-2013, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

No, no - this was not about being spoiled/entitled...I don't mean to generalize.

She's a good kid, but the only child of two very well-meaning but overprotective parents - who are no doubt freaking out about their precious girl going away for the first time.

I just didn't know if this was a new trend and I hadn't gotten the memo.

Sorry!! I realized after I hit submit that it sounded like that was directed at you. I did not feel like you were generalizing, at all!

I was just pre-emptively defending myself as a part of this generation in case anyone did make a generalizing statement, lol

I think I'm also sensitive after just hearing overhearing a new client request not to have some "snot-nosed, fresh out of college" kid working on his account. As someone who is fresh-ish out of college, I was quite offended. I work hard at what I have do and learned a lot about my industry in 3 years. I still have lots to learn and I am always actively trying to learn from my superiors but I would have been able to manage this guys account just fine.

/rant

Anywho, yes, I think dorm showers are weird. I had a graduation party after high school. People were kind enough to give monetary and a few actual fun dorm things (i.e. picture frames, whiteboard, etc). I used the money to help furnish my dorm.

Did this young woman have a graduation party as well?

amIblue? · #6 07-15-2013, 02:30 PM

Puh-lease. That's just a tacky present grab, and kind of even tackier that the mom is hosting it.

AnchorAlumna · #7 07-15-2013, 02:45 PM

Oh, I don't know.
If Snowflake did not have a graduation party or send out graduation invitations, I think it would be OK. But if people gave her grad presents, it's take to turn around a few weeks later and ask for more stuff.

If Snowflake and Snow Queen Mama are as particular as we speculate, I'm surprised Mama isn't coordinating everything to match...or hiring an interior designer to do that.

adpiucf · #8 07-15-2013, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Puh-lease. That's just a tacky present grab, and kind of even tackier that the mom is hosting it.

No tackier than a baby shower or a bridal shower.

Gusteau · #9 07-15-2013, 02:26 PM

I have not heard of a dorm shower before - did the graduate in question also have a graduation party?

When I graduated from high school in 2007 I did receive a good deal of dorm stuff at my graduation party. If you're planning on giving dorm stuff a wish list could be really convenient for the gift-giver. I feel like a wish list for a graduation party might be helpful. Calling a graduation party a dorm shower, or (help us all) having both would be off-putting to me.

IndianaSigKap · #10 07-15-2013, 02:28 PM

In a similar vein, I was invited to a going away party/cook out for one of my favorite former students. The family is not well off, but does ok because they are smart with their finances. On the facebook page for the event, there was a note about bringing something that you couldn't live without your first year of college as a gesture to show *students' name* what dorm life was like. It was tastefully done and she got very practical things like Tide stain pens, a roll of quarters, winter hat & gloves, herbal tea, bounce dryer sheets, etc. No gift was terribly expensive but all of them were things she needed. Also, many of the gifts were things the family had not thought to purchase.

And of course we all had a good time at the cookout because her mother is a fabulous cook and a great hostess. The young lady also sent out handwritten thank you notes for all of the gifts!

angels&angles · #11 07-15-2013, 03:53 PM

I think calling it a "dorm shower" is what's giving off the tacky vibes. If it were called a "going away/belated graduation party" all the same things would be happening but it wouldn't be so off-putting.

At my graduation party, my favorite, most useful gift was sent from some friends of the family and was a "dorm kit" in a personalized, decorated toolbox with a glue gun, some office supplies, basic tools, batteries, a flashlight, etc inside. It came in really handy and I still use it as my actual toolbox now. It couldn't have been very expensive but it was so thoughtful and helpful.

I also love the idea of "bring something you wish you'd had freshman year"!

Sen's Revenge · #12 07-15-2013, 05:48 PM

I have never heard of a dorm shower before.

Most of the students I know are not from well-off families. In fact, there was a graduating senior from my high school that I connected with last year who had been homeless as a middle schooler. I didn't really have graduation money to give him, but I would have thrown a dorm shower had I known they were a thing.

I will also say that in my community, it is not a given that graduation gifts are for college. I have never heard that before.

DubaiSis · #13 07-15-2013, 05:52 PM

I think that is a really creative idea (the items you couldn't live without) and is a world apart from the issues being complained about otherwise. By the nature of the invitation they're asking that you not spend a lot, unless the thing you can't live without is a replacement fancy dancy bed to replace the university-issued one. The thing I couldn't live without (but did) was a humidifier. That room was an oven. But rolls of quarters would have been manna from heaven.

Unfortunately, worded differently there would be NO problem with this party. And delaying the graduation party until later in the summer is a good idea. There are so many clustered at once that a lot of people who would like to help her celebrate wouldn't have been able to.

SWTXBelle · #14 07-15-2013, 06:05 PM

Teas.
You throw a luncheon or a tea for 2nd or 3rd babies, marriages, etc. Do people bring gifts? Of course. But the guest of honour is then able to act pleasantly surprised. This is also a way to get around the tackiness of a family member throwing a shower. A lovely event celebrating a milestone? Yes. SHOWERS? No.

(Going back to clutching my pearls over all and sundry gift grabs)

summer_gphib · #15 07-15-2013, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Teas.
You throw a luncheon or a tea for 2nd or 3rd babies, marriages, etc. Do people bring gifts? Of course. But the guest of honour is then able to act pleasantly surprised. This is also a way to get around the tackiness of a family member throwing a shower. A lovely event celebrating a milestone? Yes. SHOWERS? No.

(Going back to clutching my pearls over all and sundry gift grabs)

I have a friend who has six children... all girls... and a shower for each one. The "daughters" throw them for her now.
I stopped attending after number 3.