Rushing the Second Time around...

pnmfosho · #1 03-16-2012, 11:46 AM

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BAckbOwlsgIrl · #2 03-16-2012, 12:21 PM

Okay...

But this sounds like a troll;

Quote:

I was asked back to all my top choices for theme, but then got cut right before pref by my favorite house. I went anyway, and found that my second choice may have been what was right for me all along. The final other house had been my last choice all week long and I didn't believe I would get it anyway. The girls in my second choice really seemed to like me and it soon became my first. They seemed optimistic about my getting a bid, which was why I was so surprised the next day when I got a bid from my last pick!! I never felt a connection with the girls in that house and felt like I would be only picking the sorority for the sake of being Greek, so I declined the bid. Don't think I'm being uppity; I was very down on myself that week in general and didn't feel like it was a good time to make such a time and money commitment either if I wasn't 100% sure about it.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=124482

Define "optimistic." It is an infraction to say that you will get a bid much less say anything leading to it.

On the off chance that you are not a troll, SEARCH the threads. THERE ARE TONS OF THREADS ON THIS.
NO ONE CAN TELL YOU YOUR CHANCES.
WE DON'T KNOW YOU.
Every school is different and everyone is different.

THERE WAS ONE CHAPTER INTERESTED IN YOU AND YOU DECLINED IT.
It is MUTUAL selection. You not only select them but they select you.
THEY ARE SHOPPING YOU AS MUCH AS YOU SHOPPING THEM.

DubaiSis · #3 03-16-2012, 12:47 PM

Your attitude going through rush could well have affected your outcome, but here are a couple things to keep in mind:
rush is harder as a sophomore than it is a freshman. You will incur rough cuts and you need to be prepared for that.
the house that you were too good for last year may still be the one you're left with at the end of this rush. Maybe you should give them a chance, if they give you another chance.
the girls who told you it was such a surprise and blah blah blah? They were blowing sunshine up your skirt. Take it for exactly zero. The possibility that you were actually a mistake is minimal at best. Those particular girls may have wanted you and they may have even thought you ended up higher on their list, but you didn't so there you go.

Next time go in happy and ready to look at every chapter with fresh eyes. If you're on a campus that requires recs, you will need them again. They don't roll over from year to year.

pinapple · #4 03-16-2012, 03:03 PM

The computer did not mismatch you. You simply were not high enough up on their list when matches were made. Call it a mis-match if it makes you feel better but the only "mis" is that you didn't get what YOU wanted, but I assure you the chapter got what they wanted. What did you expect the emails from the young women who made a connection with you to say? "Sucks to be you" or "We liked you, but I couldn't get X number of sister's to vote my way"? The ladies that reached out to you had to have an attachment to you to go out on a limb to contact you. But they are a drop in the voting bucket. It is just how it is. You simply were not high enough up on their list when matches were made. Call it a mis-match if it makes you feel better but the only "mis" is that you didn't get what YOU wanted, but I assure you the chapter got what they wanted.

Breaking up with a guy during rush does suck, but you need to really look deeply in the mirror and make sure you can present your best foot forward. Your GPA is stellar and if you get your attitude in alignment you can have a successful recruitment. But please understand that you are at extreme disadvantage as a sophomore and you need to adjust your expectations accordingly.

33girl · #5 03-16-2012, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinapple

The computer did not mismatch you. You simply were not high enough up on their list when matches were made. Call it a mis-match if it makes you feel better but the only "mis" is that you didn't get what YOU wanted, but I assure you the chapter got what they wanted. What did you expect the emails from the young women who made a connection with you to say? "Sucks to be you" or "We liked you, but I couldn't get X number of sister's to vote my way"? The ladies that reached out to you had to have an attachment to you to go out on a limb to contact you. But they are a drop in the voting bucket. It is just how it is. You simply were not high enough up on their list when matches were made. Call it a mis-match if it makes you feel better but the only "mis" is that you didn't get what YOU wanted, but I assure you the chapter got what they wanted.

Absolutely. The girls who called you and told you this are only doing so because they 1) are going through formal rush as members for the first time, have zero clout in the sorority and are completely clueless as to how rush really works OR 2) they may want something from you in the future, and have been brought up to make sure no one is ever mad at them...whether that involves lying through their teeth or not.

DZsis&mom · #6 03-18-2012, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pnmfosho

I go to Western Kentucky, so the Greek system is competitive but not as crazy as UK or somewhere like that.

Here it is.

DubaiSis · #7 03-16-2012, 03:55 PM

In her defense, I didn't read what school she goes to. She will likely be at a disadvantage, but "extreme" would depend on where she's going to school. At a lot of schools it would be a disadvantage but nothing deal-breaking. And at some schools it really isn't a disadvantage at all. I would expect cuts, but without knowing the specific school or the personal details I wouldn't over-dramatize her situation.

melindawarren · #8 03-17-2012, 02:22 AM

Question (if this borders on murky territory, let me know): when the actives prepare their list, do they have a rough idea of where the cut-off is for invited and not invited?

DubaiSis · #9 03-17-2012, 03:12 AM

the thing is if you attend preference you ARE on the bid list. Somewhere. But you might be #60 out of 60 and the pledge class will be 30. The only time you are assured your spot on the top of the list is if you attend preference and you are a legacy. And I believe the rush secretary and the alumna adviser keep the exact order under pretty tight wraps. But I don't know if that's true for all sorority chapters everywhere.

33girl · #10 03-17-2012, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

the thing is if you attend preference you ARE on the bid list. Somewhere. But you might be #60 out of 60 and the pledge class will be 30. The only time you are assured your spot on the top of the list is if you attend preference and you are a legacy. And I believe the rush secretary and the alumna adviser keep the exact order under pretty tight wraps. But I don't know if that's true for all sorority chapters everywhere.

It's not. At all. Even remotely.

MaryPoppins · #11 03-17-2012, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

the thing is if you attend preference you ARE on the bid list. Somewhere. But you might be #60 out of 60 and the pledge class will be 30. The only time you are assured your spot on the top of the list is if you attend preference and you are a legacy. And I believe the rush secretary and the alumna adviser keep the exact order under pretty tight wraps. But I don't know if that's true for all sorority chapters everywhere.

When Chapters do not keep the bid list order under tight wraps it leads to inferiority-complexes for individual members as well as the entire Chapter. Keeping them close to the vest helps Sisters to treat each other with respect and to respect their Chapter as a whole.

DubaiSis · #12 03-17-2012, 03:27 PM

That's what I thought, but I would be the last person to speculate as to membership selection. I remember it being a very big deal for us to try to get an accurate read on their interest so we could attempt to put the girls in the right order for the highest acceptance rate. I don't remember anything about a final list of who was on the first bid list or below, but have I mentioned that it's been more than 5 minutes since I went through any of that? And with as many years as it's been AND a major change in how rush happens at schools all over the country, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole MS process has changed. They might have even done away with the ouija board and tea leaves.

DeltaBetaBaby · #13 03-17-2012, 04:40 PM

Many chapters also want to protect each member's right to her own opinion, so things may be done by closed ballot, so to speak. In addition, GPA's are generally not known by everyone in the chapter, so if GPA is used as a criterion, most chapters members won't know how that affects the order, either.

MaryPoppins · #14 03-17-2012, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Many chapters also want to protect each member's right to her own opinion, so things may be done by closed ballot, so to speak. In addition, GPA's are generally not known by everyone in the chapter, so if GPA is used as a criterion, most chapters members won't know how that affects the order, either.

Also very true. By the way I always enjoy your answers, and those of DubaiSis, and learn a great deal from every conversation in which either of you take part.

DubaiSis · #15 03-18-2012, 01:49 AM

Let me back up. How many chapters are on your campus (you can fudge by 1 or 2 in either direction if you want to keep it anonymous). There is a big difference in whether your thinking is at all healthy depending on whether there are 3 or 18 sororities represented on your campus. And chapter sizes also makes a huge difference. If chapters are fewer than 50 women, you're right, you might not fit in with a group of women if they really choose their members to a type. But if the chapters have 100+, I don't buy it and you're just being snooty.

You have some time now to really look at those bottom few chapters on your campus and find the good in them. Hopefully you will have everything fall right into place and you'll get your first choices for every round of rush. But in case you don't, I'd be ready with some alternatives. And if you really got to know girls in all of the sororities, your list of choices might just change.