I just need to vent. What a MISTAKE!!!

[humblerumble]

Thank you everyone!

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by humblerumble

I understand that I will be reminded about how very important it is to choose your Sorority/Fraternity wisely.
Having no real knowledge of Greek life (since no one in my family is Greek), and no understanding of the TRUE connection and networking opportunities as well as community service opportunities available amongst certain orgs, I honestly feel that I kind of blindly chose mine. And now I regret it more than I ever thought I would.

There have been no opportunities to network or obtain mentorship. When I've tried, I get turned away. The women in this org (I HATE to sound shallow..but I have to be honest) don't really carry themselves well in terms of their public appearance. The chapter I came in through was smaller, and full of older women, so I didnt recognize this at first. But the women are generally unkempt, hair not done, nails dirty and chipped, clothing is ill fitting, and it's almost like they don't believe in makeup. Many of them are also out of shape. I am embarrassed to call them Soror, or to show people pictures of myself with them.

The org itself doesnt get much respect, and is very unorganized. The website is a joke, everything takes 45-90 days before it's handled, and overall, it's falling to pieces. I have smaller nieces and cousins who want to be Greek when they go to college, and I cringe when I hear them say they want to be an "XYZ", like me.

Also, before induction, I was SO close to backing away from this org, but a good friend, who is also a member convinced me to "push on", telling me that I shouldnt be a quitter, and so on. I'm not making excuses for myself, but I now realize that she did it because misery loves company. Immediatley after my induction, she began to complain about everything and everybody, and even once said she was glad that I was in because she wouldnt have to go through it alone.

I guess in the end, I know the rules, and I'm stuck. I just wish the LARGER governing body of all the orgs would allow some kind of "open window", where one could switch their org if they'd like. I know that's insane, and it will never happen...but I swear that I dream about it day in and day out. I've truly made the biggest mistake of my life. Dues are increasing, and I don't feel that I'm getting a mutual benefit from being in this org. I do LOADS of community service with a group of friends who are unrelated to this org.

I made the decision to join because I beleived in the mission and legacy of the founders. but also because I was "sold" into thinking so much would be available to me. That the relationship would be mututally beneficial. I could do community service, youth outreach, and gain mentorship while getting networking opportunities. I have been a hard working Soror.

This was a horrible mistake....sometimes I'm near tears, and I wish I'd never done this. When I see my colleagues who are in other orgs, their membership benefits are evident. They are in the community working, getting a leg up on job opportunities, and more. They are also more respected. I even began to dislike our colors and handsign. The colors are unladylike and ugly and the hand sign makes me look cripple (that last part was seriously immature venting..just had to get it out).

Well...thanks for listening.

QFP because some people are still asleep.

[IlovemyAKA]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

QFP because some people are still asleep.

Thanks!

[humblerumble]

I'm sorry. I don't know what QFP means...
Thankyou for replying though...

[Kevin]

Either quit or make the best of it.

If nothing else, it must feel great to be sitting in a room *knowing* that you're better than everyone else, yes?

[humblerumble]

Not really, lol!
When I tell others I'm affilliated with this org, I see the disrespect spread across their faces! Conversley (sp?), some people say "YOU'RE an 'XYZ?!...that CANT be possible!". It's because these women have such a bad reputation for being sloppy, and so on...I wish I could quit...and go to another org, the one that's truly in my heart, but I know I can't. It's just not possible. For anyone else reading this who is young or on their way to college/Greek life...RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH!!!! PLEASE!!!

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by Kevin

If nothing else, it must feel great to be sitting in a room *knowing* that you're better than everyone else, yes?

Originally Posted by humblerumble

Not really, lol!

Does anyone else see what I did there?

[humblerumble]

Im not really sure what you "saw"...what I basically meant was that I don't take an ounce of pleasure in any kind of "assumed" notion that I am better than anyone. I'm not attempting to start a back and forth, or be argumentative, I just wanted to be clear on that. When I said "not really", I basically meant that I take no pleasure in being thought of as "better than" anyone, or telling myself that I am.

But lets be clear folks...some things are a given!
Your hair should be combed
Your clothing should be well kept and clean
You are a representative of yourself, your greek family, your personal family, etc.
You should carry yourself like a lady with class. Extensive drinking, shouting, etc. is not necessary.
Being an "XYZ" does not make you better, but it should prompt you to be your best. If someone meets you and you tell them what org you are in, they should be impressed based on the way in which you speak and your overall appearance.

Please don't make it seem as though I'm not saying what others are thinking. And I've tried to initiate change. It's either too much trouble, no one has the time, or the money, or I am labeled as being "stuck up" because I like to do my hair, dress nice, wear makeup, and I carry myself a certain way.

I LIVE for community service, but I've found that the rules and constraints of a sorority, coupled with the overall lack of people really stepping up to get the job done, makes it difficult for me to do things in my community (in the name of my sorority, that is. I do a great deal on my own).


The bottom line is that I feel like I noticed so much more after I came in...I'm sure we could all say the same about our respective orgs. And as far as duration goes, I've been going strong now for almost 4 years. It's pretty disheartening knowing I can never go back...

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by humblerumble

But lets be clear folks...some things are a given!
Your hair should be combed
Your clothing should be well kept and clean
You are a representative of yourself, your greek family, your personal family, etc.
You should carry yourself like a lady with class. Extensive drinking, shouting, etc. is not necessary.
Being an "XYZ" does not make you better, but it should prompt you to be your best. If someone meets you and you tell them what org you are in, they should be impressed based on the way in which you speak and your overall appearance.

Please don't make it seem as though I'm not saying what others are thinking. And I've tried to initiate change. It's either too much trouble, no one has the time, or the money, or I am labeled as being "stuck up" because I like to do my hair, dress nice, wear makeup, and I carry myself a certain way.

I LIVE for community service, but I've found that the rules and constraints of a sorority, coupled with the overall lack of people really stepping up to get the job done, makes it difficult for me to do things in my community (in the name of my sorority, that is. I do a great deal on my own).


The bottom line is that I feel like I noticed so much more after I came in...I'm sure we could all say the same about our respective orgs. And as far as duration goes, I've been going strong now for almost 4 years. It's pretty disheartening knowing I can never go back...

Demanding behavior from another person as to their "shoulds" will only be disheartening to you.

First, you have no right to post volatile comments on GC like this using terms like "Soror" and "induction" thereby narrowing down choices as to who you are and what organization you are in. It is disrespectful to your chosen, select and paid for organization. If you have a problem with your sorority sisters, you confront them in an organized setting. If you are too scared to do so, being a neophyte, I can imagine how scared you are, then revoke your membership... Get expelled or go inactive. And once you make that decision, do not back down. We are all adults making adult choices.

Blaming your lack of family familiarity and experience shows that you lack trust and support from your own members who actually saw you as an asset to the organization! One of my closest friends who is a member of DST, practically became chapter president within 5 years of her membership!!! She was that well put together. It is my understanding she connected up with what her International Organization requested all chapters were to do at the time...

That is a matter of KNOWING YOUR DOCUMENTS!!! How well do you know yours? Constitution & Bylaws? Other documents all members must know? Who are your mentors within your organization--locally, regionally, Internationally?

I could see if you had 20 years under your belt and were burnt out... But 4 years? Wow!!! After 4 years, I felt like I was still pledging for the hayle I caught... I did not feel like full-fledge member until 10 years of membership!!!

Get it together and stop disrespecting your sorority sisters publicly!

[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by humblerumble

... The bottom line is that I feel like I noticed so much more after I came in...I'm sure we could all say the same about our respective orgs. And as far as duration goes, I've been going strong now for almost 4 years. It's pretty disheartening knowing I can never go back...

I believe that this (in bold) may be contributing to the perceived "defensiveness". Please do not speak for me. I'm happy and involved in my respective organization and active in making change for the better. Do the same or move on.

[IlovemyAKA]

Originally Posted by humblerumble

But lets be clear folks...some things are a given!
Your hair should be combed
Your clothing should be well kept and clean
You are a representative of yourself, your greek family, your personal family, etc.
You should carry yourself like a lady with class. Extensive drinking, shouting, etc. is not necessary.
Being an "XYZ" does not make you better, but it should prompt you to be your best. If someone meets you and you tell them what org you are in, they should be impressed based on the way in which you speak and your overall appearance.

You say this yet it's safe to say that you pursued them.

[agzg]

I find it hard to believe that every member of a large national organization is unkempt or dirty. Especially since (I'm assuming, here) it's an NPHC organization. I also find it hard to believe that a large national organization is not allowing you networking opportunities. Perhaps you should take the initiative and put yourself in contact with area alumnae.

Sounds like you've got a case of buyer's remorse. It happens. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it as far as joining a different organization.

I realize I'm out of my lane here, greekchatters, but I would assume that these situations are similar as far as NPC v. NPHC v. NALFO.

[groovypq]

I agree with Kevin. Quit or make the best of it. At the very least, have the respect for your sisters -- who you once chose and also chose you -- to not slander them in such a way.

If you really think it's so bad, run for a leadership position and try to effect positive change. Do you have sisterhood activities? Organize a "spa day" and give each other manicures, hairstyles, etc. Do an etiquette workshop, or a do's and don'ts fashion show.

You're not getting out of this organization and getting into another one. Try to make a positive experience out of it.

[AOEforme]

Concur. Quit or try. You're doing absolutely no one any good by whining. You should either dissociate and go on with your life or attempt to make a difference.

If this is an NPHC group, you will have the connections and mentorship you seek. You just might actually have to take the initiative to go find them.

Try and take a leadership role and see if you can begin to steer your chapter in a direction you'd like. Get your friend who agrees with you on your side and work to make your group better. This is a much better use of your time and energy.

If you look for the benefits, I'm sure you'll find them.

If you're not willing to put in the work for that, it's probably best if you leave.

[humblerumble]

I appreciate all of the advice. I'm just curious as to why you've all assumed this is a NPHC organization?