Can class be learned?

[traditionsf]

Hello everyone, I've recently finished rush and this is my first post.

I am a first-generation immigrant to the United States and was raised in a different kind of household than a majority of greeks. After high school, I realized that somehow I had become rather shy and oblivious to fashion and that I did not like it.

This is what drew me to fraternity life. My motivation for joining a fraternity was to further myself as a person and to put myself in a much more social environment. I particularly look up to the values represented by a Southern Gentleman (respect, chivalry, and maturity etc.) and hoped that by joining a fraternity I could better understand and live up to those ideals.

I believe that I have it in me and that I only need proper instruction. But I am curious as to the opinions of people on this forum. Essentially I am asking, "can class be learned? or is it something you either have or don't"

[BigRedBeta]

There's nothing exclusive about having those values. It may take time to fully internalize them so that you don't think about them (which is what gives the impression of performing them effortlessly) but they're definitely ideas anyone can subscribe to if willing.

[Gusteau]

Additionally, most fraternity's member education programs involve some type of etiquette. I doubt anyone is initiated before learning how to tie a tie and how long to hold a proper handshake. On the other hand, your fraternity liked you for who you are so don't try to change that. This stuff just makes you a more polished version of you. Someone just posted a quote on another thread that was something like "These letters don't make me better than you, they make me better than I was before."

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by traditionsf

I believe that I have it in me and that I only need proper instruction. But I am curious as to the opinions of people on this forum. Essentially I am asking, "can class be learned? or is it something you either have or don't"

Etiquette and good manners, how to dress well and chivalry can all be learned.

Those things, however, are not the same as "class" in my mind. I've known people with impeccable manners and style, people who knew all the rules to follow in good society, who were proof that all the money in the world couldn't buy class. On the other hand, I've known people who wouldn't know a salad fork from a tuning fork and whose sense of style was completely lacking but who were the epitome of class. Shoot, take in a performance of Pygmalian or My Fair Lady sometime.

Don't get me wrong. Manners are very important, but they are outward. Class is inward -- it's an attitude of respecting yourself and respecting others, of acting with dignity and or treating others with dignity. Learning manners is about changing habits. Becoming a person with class is about changing attitudes and ways of thinking and of viewing others.

And FWIW, just based on your post, I'd wager there's a good chance you already have class.

[Little32]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Don't get me wrong. Manners are very important, but they are outward. Class is inward -- it's an attitude of respecting yourself and respecting others, of acting with dignity and or treating others with dignity.

I like you.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Don't get me wrong. Manners are very important, but they are outward. Class is inward -- it's an attitude of respecting yourself and respecting others, of acting with dignity and or treating others with dignity. Learning manners is about changing habits. Becoming a person with class is about changing attitudes and ways of thinking and of viewing others.

Applause.

[SWTXBelle]

Sign me up for the MC Fan Club.

[Thetagirl218]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Don't get me wrong. Manners are very important, but they are outward. Class is inward -- it's an attitude of respecting yourself and respecting others, of acting with dignity and or treating others with dignity. Learning manners is about changing habits. Becoming a person with class is about changing attitudes and ways of thinking and of viewing others.

I love this quote!!!

[AKA_Monet]

To the OP: Much of American values of etiquette and protocol comes from the English and French royal courts, just for some historical perspective.

Might I suggest reviewing Rudyard Kipling's "If", another great example of "class", IMHO.

IMHO, the United States does not have a legal "class" structure. Any "class" structure that you observe publicly is not legally based on current government-approved structure.

But, as far as your definition of "class", MysticCat's is probably the most accurate description. I would call that "Character".

And I was always taught that you have a million dollar person and a ten cent person. A million dollar person can put on a ten cent suit and still be a million dollar person. But a 10 cent person puts on a million dollar suit, you still have a 10 cent person...

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Might I suggest reviewing Rudyard Kipling's "If", another great example of "class", IMHO.

I'm a big Rudyard Kipling fan, and that's one of my all time favorites. I like it so much that, just in case there's someone who doesn't know it, I'm going to post it here:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
'Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

(BTW, the line "If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same" is written above the players' entrance to center court at Wimbledon.)

And thanks to the fan clubbers.

[libramunoz]

As far as "learning" etiquette, it is easy to grab many books (Ms. Manners by Judith Martin or Emily Post) and learn the "proper" etiquette, that's not something that's hard to learn.
However, class is something that evolves over times. A person can be "classy" and be as poor as a church mouse. Whereas, a person can have been "groomed" to be classy but be as ignorant as a clown.
You are who you are to begin with and you know what you like and don't like. The difference is in being able to know how to have a balance between the two.

[jojapeach]

I agree with all of the previous posts, especially MysticCat's. The OP sounds like he has class but just wants to be refined with the utmost of etiquette, manners, etc. I'm sure there are plenty of filthy rich heirs and heiresses that have learned ettiquette but could not apply classy values to save their life.

traditionsf, I think if you observe the class that others show in everyday life, i.e. holding a door for a woman or not trying to fly off the handle whenever you are unhappy with a situation, then you can certainly absorb some of those values if you choose to.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by jojapeach

I'm sure there are plenty of filthy rich heirs and heiresses that have learned ettiquette but could not apply classy values to save their life.

Paris Hilton!

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

Paris Hilton!

And the loud, drunk wealthy families I used to see during family weekends at a few universities.

[jojapeach]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

Paris Hilton!

Exactly. LOL I wanted to use a male example, like Paris' ex...whoever he is. I just refused to take the time to research these individuals, but they define stratosphere upper class without an ounce of "class".