Can class be learned?
 

Hello everyone, I've recently finished rush and this is my first post.

I am a first-generation immigrant to the United States and was raised in a different kind of household than a majority of greeks. After high school, I realized that somehow I had become rather shy and oblivious to fashion and that I did not like it.

This is what drew me to fraternity life. My motivation for joining a fraternity was to further myself as a person and to put myself in a much more social environment. I particularly look up to the values represented by a Southern Gentleman (respect, chivalry, and maturity etc.) and hoped that by joining a fraternity I could better understand and live up to those ideals.

I believe that I have it in me and that I only need proper instruction. But I am curious as to the opinions of people on this forum. Essentially I am asking, "can class be learned? or is it something you either have or don't"

There's nothing exclusive about having those values. It may take time to fully internalize them so that you don't think about them (which is what gives the impression of performing them effortlessly) but they're definitely ideas anyone can subscribe to if willing.

Additionally, most fraternity's member education programs involve some type of etiquette. I doubt anyone is initiated before learning how to tie a tie and how long to hold a proper handshake. On the other hand, your fraternity liked you for who you are so don't try to change that. This stuff just makes you a more polished version of you. Someone just posted a quote on another thread that was something like "These letters don't make me better than you, they make me better than I was before."

Etiquette and good manners, how to dress well and chivalry can all be learned.

Those things, however, are not the same as "class" in my mind. I've known people with impeccable manners and style, people who knew all the rules to follow in good society, who were proof that all the money in the world couldn't buy class. On the other hand, I've known people who wouldn't know a salad fork from a tuning fork and whose sense of style was completely lacking but who were the epitome of class. Shoot, take in a performance of Pygmalian or My Fair Lady sometime.

Don't get me wrong. Manners are very important, but they are outward. Class is inward -- it's an attitude of respecting yourself and respecting others, of acting with dignity and or treating others with dignity. Learning manners is about changing habits. Becoming a person with class is about changing attitudes and ways of thinking and of viewing others.

And FWIW, just based on your post, I'd wager there's a good chance you already have class.

As far as "learning" etiquette, it is easy to grab many books (Ms. Manners by Judith Martin or Emily Post) and learn the "proper" etiquette, that's not something that's hard to learn.
However, class is something that evolves over times. A person can be "classy" and be as poor as a church mouse. Whereas, a person can have been "groomed" to be classy but be as ignorant as a clown.
You are who you are to begin with and you know what you like and don't like. The difference is in being able to know how to have a balance between the two.

I like you.

I agree with all of the previous posts, especially MysticCat's. The OP sounds like he has class but just wants to be refined with the utmost of etiquette, manners, etc. I'm sure there are plenty of filthy rich heirs and heiresses that have learned ettiquette but could not apply classy values to save their life.

traditionsf, I think if you observe the class that others show in everyday life, i.e. holding a door for a woman or not trying to fly off the handle whenever you are unhappy with a situation, then you can certainly absorb some of those values if you choose to.

Paris Hilton!:p

You already have class, in my opinion. Polishing your appearance, behavior, and knowledge base is not exlusive to those who were "born" into certain lifestyle. In your efforts to polish yourself, don't lose too much of who you are. You sound like a good egg.

And the loud, drunk wealthy families I used to see during family weekends at a few universities.

Exactly. LOL I wanted to use a male example, like Paris' ex...whoever he is. I just refused to take the time to research these individuals, but they define stratosphere upper class without an ounce of "class".

Mystic Cat, your post should be required reading.

Applause.

Sign me up for the MC Fan Club.

I love this quote!!!