need advice..

chicky3829 · #1 01-20-2009, 05:37 PM

hey all.
so i have been reading this forum for a few days now and decided to join to get some advice from you all.
i am dropping out of my sorority at the end of the semester. last semester, i joined and was really excited about being a member. however, many things happened last semester from a financial standpoint and after this semester, i can no longer afford to stay in this sorority. it is completely draining my bank account and my parents said they won't help me pay for it. i would have to pay for it all. that is a LOT of money and it would be putting every single dime i earn this summer towards the sorority and i just cannot afford to do that. the problem i'm facing is telling my sorority and my big. i absolutely love my big sister and am so scared to tell her i have to drop out when i know she has spent a lot of money on me. i'm thinking of just withdrawing and telling her at the end of the semester. i already have to pay dues for this semester so i figure i might as well enjoy it for one last semester before i drop. i just feel like i am lying to everyone when i know i am going to drop at the end of the semester. do you think i am making the right choice to wait until the end of the semester to tell everyone??

just wanted some input! it has been driving me crazy the last week thinking about it.. thanks

ASTalumna06 · #2 01-20-2009, 05:51 PM

Before I tell you when to talk to your chapter about all of this... have you exhausted all of your resources, and are you absolutely positive that you have to drop?

My chapter has always had girls who have struggled to pay dues. We encourage them to talk with the Treasurer and Advisor and to work out a payment plan.

Another option would be to pay some of your dues over the summer. When you first join, larger lump sums are to be paid up front, but as your time in the sorority progresses, you could spread out the time that you have to pay them. One girl in my sorority had the hardest time saving money and paying all of her dues in September. Instead, she would write a check to the chapter every week for a set amount, between the months of May and August, so that when she arrived back on campus in the fall, she wouldn't owe the sorority anything.

I know that not all chapters operate this way, and some of them might have different policies for paying dues, but before I simply decided to drop, I'd probably discuss my situation with someone and find out what my options are (which I'm guessing you haven't done?) They will probably try to help you out before they simply send you away.

ETA: Some years back (shortly before I joined), a few of the girls in my chapter were really struggling to pay their dues. With the permission of the rest of the chapter, they put on their own separate fundraiser selling candy bars, and they used the money to pay for the portion of their dues that they couldn't pay out of their own pockets. ... so that might be another option..?

chicky3829 · #3 01-20-2009, 05:59 PM

Yes, I have considered all the different situations but there is just simply no way I can come up with the money - even over a period of time. I had a bunch of money in my college fund that I was going to use to pay for my sorority but, like I said, there were a bunch of different things that happened from a financial standpoint and that money was allotted to different things that ranked higher than the sorority. So, I definitely know I am going to have to drop out, especially since my parents said they can no longer help me pay for it. I also am going to have deal with possible apartment rent next year and I'll also need to use my money I save in the summer simply to buy food, gas and all that stuff during my sophomore year. Our sorority has a plan for people who can't pay it all at once but its not a matter of not being able to pay on time, it's simply there is absolutely no way I am going to be able to come up with that much money. Going into the sorority, I also had NO idea how much time you had to commit to it until after I initiated. Had I known how expensive it was going to be and how much time you had to commit, I probably would have reconsidered joining in the first place. During recruitment, my sorority outlined the dues as being roughly $450-500/semester but realistically, it is more around $800 a semester. There is just no way I can afford this =[

KSUViolet06 · #4 01-20-2009, 06:09 PM

To be honesst with you, the sooner the better--in terms of when to drop out. I think that sticking around gives people the appearance that you're going to be around when you aren't.

If you and your Big are good friends, she probably won't stop being friends with you because you quit the sorority. She may ask you to return your lettered items though (depending on the chapter's policy).

KappaKittyCat · #5 01-20-2009, 06:10 PM

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation.

Your first stop should probably be the chapter's Treasurer and VP Standards or equivalent. If you haven't done this already, they can help you look into scholarship programs to cover dues. I know that my org has national and chapter-level scholarships to cover dues for women who can't afford to pay them. If you've exhausted all those options, then the best bet is just to be upfront with your big. Assure her that you adore her and that you are devastated about this (you sound that way, anyway), but that you have no other choice. If she's worth anything, she's not going to stop being your friend just because you can't afford to stay in your sorority.

Good luck.

VandalSquirrel · #6 01-20-2009, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chicky3829

Yes, I have considered all the different situations but there is just simply no way I can come up with the money - even over a period of time. I had a bunch of money in my college fund that I was going to use to pay for my sorority but, like I said, there were a bunch of different things that happened from a financial standpoint and that money was allotted to different things that ranked higher than the sorority. So, I definitely know I am going to have to drop out, especially since my parents said they can no longer help me pay for it. I also am going to have deal with possible apartment rent next year and I'll also need to use my money I save in the summer simply to buy food, gas and all that stuff during my sophomore year. Our sorority has a plan for people who can't pay it all at once but its not a matter of not being able to pay on time, it's simply there is absolutely no way I am going to be able to come up with that much money. Going into the sorority, I also had NO idea how much time you had to commit to it until after I initiated. Had I known how expensive it was going to be and how much time you had to commit, I probably would have reconsidered joining in the first place. During recruitment, my sorority outlined the dues as being roughly $450-500/semester but realistically, it is more around $800 a semester. There is just no way I can afford this =[

Have you doubled checked that the dues are still $800? You mentioned you just joined, and usually the first semester is much more expensive for Initiation and other fees. I'd double check that you have the right amounts. Perhaps the budget changed but that is quite a large increase so it would be smart of any member to be aware of what that amount is paying for.

GammaPhi88 · #7 01-20-2009, 06:23 PM

I'm so sorry about this! I know these are such hard times right now.

One thing I would ask about...I know that some sororities offer the option to be an inactive member of a semester. Girls who are having a tough time financially, are ill, or overloaded with work can take a semester where they are not paying dues and do not participate in the sorority. It can only be done once, and I would look into this option and see if your particular sorority offers this program.

kddani · #8 01-21-2009, 05:59 PM

Sounds like money is just an easy excuse and not facing the real issues. If money were the real issue there are plenty of ways to work with that and figure that out. Since you've dismissed those ideas, it's pretty obvious that the money is just a convenient excuse.

If you dislike the sorority so much that you want to leave, why do you care so much about when you do it and what people think? You're leaving either way. You don't like it, don't want to be in it, so quit and open a spot for another girl who wants to be in your chapter and participate.

KSUViolet06 · #9 01-21-2009, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

Sounds like money is just an easy excuse and not facing the real issues. If money were the real issue there are plenty of ways to work with that and figure that out. Since you've dismissed those ideas, it's pretty obvious that the money is just a convenient excuse.

If you dislike the sorority so much that you want to leave, why do you care so much about when you do it and what people think? You're leaving either way. You don't like it, don't want to be in it, so quit and open a spot for another girl who wants to be in your chapter and participate.

I wonder if this is an apprpriate point for an "Oh snap."

I think this is probably the truth of the matter.

kddani, you need to come back and be around here more often.

violetpretty · #10 01-21-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

Sounds like money is just an easy excuse and not facing the real issues. If money were the real issue there are plenty of ways to work with that and figure that out. Since you've dismissed those ideas, it's pretty obvious that the money is just a convenient excuse.

If you dislike the sorority so much that you want to leave, why do you care so much about when you do it and what people think? You're leaving either way. You don't like it, don't want to be in it, so quit and open a spot for another girl who wants to be in your chapter and participate.

EXACTLY. I'd say the overwhelming majority, if not all, of women in my chapter who withdrew their membership "because of money" really did so because they were unhappy/apathetic with their membership. I can't think of anyone that withdrew that was super-involved and dying to save her membership.

ASTalumna06 · #11 01-21-2009, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

Sounds like money is just an easy excuse and not facing the real issues. If money were the real issue there are plenty of ways to work with that and figure that out. Since you've dismissed those ideas, it's pretty obvious that the money is just a convenient excuse.

If you dislike the sorority so much that you want to leave, why do you care so much about when you do it and what people think? You're leaving either way. You don't like it, don't want to be in it, so quit and open a spot for another girl who wants to be in your chapter and participate.

I wanted to say this so badly. Glad you did.

Are you only sticking around because you've already paid, and you at least want to get your money's worth? It just seems crazy to me to not want to talk to any of your sisters about this. I would be DEVASTATED if I thought I had to drop, and I would definitely feel comfortable enough to confide in at least one sister about it.

LucyAnne17 · #12 01-21-2009, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I wanted to say this so badly. Glad you did.

Are you only sticking around because you've already paid, and you at least want to get your money's worth? It just seems crazy to me to not want to talk to any of your sisters about this. I would be DEVASTATED if I thought I had to drop, and I would definitely feel comfortable enough to confide in at least one sister about it.

I also wanted to say this. But it would have been a little bitchier coming from me.

FSUZeta · #13 01-21-2009, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

Sounds like money is just an easy excuse and not facing the real issues. If money were the real issue there are plenty of ways to work with that and figure that out. Since you've dismissed those ideas, it's pretty obvious that the money is just a convenient excuse.

If you dislike the sorority so much that you want to leave, why do you care so much about when you do it and what people think? You're leaving either way. You don't like it, don't want to be in it, so quit and open a spot for another girl who wants to be in your chapter and participate.

agreed. it would be nice if you spoke to your big sister and the treasurer and/or president to tell them you are quitting, but honestly, it sounds like your mind is made up, you don't want to try to work things out, so you should resign asap.

libramunoz · #14 01-20-2009, 08:41 PM

One thing I would recommend to you is if you can work during the summer a FT job and then in the afternoons get a job working as a Home Health Aide with your local Home Health Aide company. You may also be able to do this during school. As long as you're over 18 and have no felonies you are able to get a job. Look on Craigslist in your school city or in your hometown. Many are looking for HHA's or in-patient caregivers, either to work during the morning or evening. You can quite possibly schedule your school activities around your work schedule. This will help you in being able to pay for your sorority events. Usually you will be able to get a check every 2 weeks. I know that when I was a PHC Supervisor (Primary Home Care) I preferred to hire college students because of the fact that: 1) they needed money, 2) they could work the schedules, and 3) they were willing to show up. Just give it a try before you have to drop out.

chicky3829 · #15 01-20-2009, 10:29 PM

yea the dues are that much money.. it would be half that but they forget to mention we have housing dues and stuff to send to nationals.. furnishing fees and all that which doesn't make sense.. i think they are just putting a label on sending them a ton of money because i dont see how we have to pay that much money just to maintain the house.. esp when i dont even live in it..
and to reply to zeta13girl, i don't have a job because i have a full courseload so theres no way i could maintain a job and keep getting the good grades i get.. plus my sorority doesnt understand if u have a job - they expect you to work around wat the sorority requires you to do.. it stinks!